a mouthful of whisky

“Are you saying that seeing me multiple times a week is a bad thing? That wounds me, Emmeline. Here I thought you genuinely enjoyed my company. Years of friendship and suddenly I have to reevaluate everything.” Laughing as she attempted to dismiss the topic at hand, he nodded slightly. “Yeah, I usually do. But hey - you did say it.” Any sort of compliment from her was clung to, anyways. “If they don’t like pie, how could they ever like me? It’s an extension of me, a part of me. You gotta enjoy it to be in my life. Or, you know, they’ll learn to love it. We’ll find some sort of solution.” Not that he was keen on thinking about falling for anyone at all. Best to avoid thinking about it, let alone talking about it. How girls did it all the time was beyond him. Feelings were far too annoying to be properly acknowledged. “I do have some self-restraint, you know. Not a lot, but some.”

❝Only when you’re greatly exaggerating the thing that’s put you in the infirmary.❞ It wasn’t a stretch. How many times in all their time together had Edgar slightly s t r e t c h e d the truth, for little more than a gasp or reaction? ❝And I regret it already. In fact, I’m going to take it back. It never happened. I don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.❞ Though she tried to keep a straight face, she couldn’t help the small hints of a smile that forced their way through. ❝'M surprised you haven’t thought it would make them the perfect companion for you. After all, if they don’t want any, it’s just more for you.❞ His suggestion of finding a solution to that problem, if it were even a problem, intrigued her. ❝’Exactly - some. I figured it would have long run out by now. We’ve said pie more than three times, and yet, here you stand.❞

“I’m glad that I’m your barometer for what stupid things people would do.” Rightfully so, at least. He was prone to making terrible decisions, despite having the best intentions. At least he tried. “Please, getting it on the pitch would be easy. They can even incorporate it into the game, I wouldn’t mind. They might just be hesitant that it would outshine the school in all its glory, y’know.”

❝Would you really expect anything less from me?❞ Sure, he did a number of questionable things, and she may call him on those things frequently, but she still held him to a slightly higher standard than most people. ❝Oh, yes. Who wouldn’t want to have to navigate around your giant head, while also dodging bludgers?❞

“ alice gets two because she’s alice. ” remarked rab with a slight smirk.

❝Alice gets a lot of things, simply for being Alice.❞ Not that it was a bad thing, but often Emmeline found herself incapable of saying no to the girl. ❝I don’t have an answer for everything - like why Mary is so unwilling to rethink her stance on mermaids, or why she loves lemon cake so much more than red velvet. But yes, being a smartass is rather enjoyable from time to time.❞

“Nope, point made, you’ve admitted I’m right, end of discussion.”

❝Since you’re such a fan of his, I’ll be sure to send him your way next time he starts a tale.❞

“My disciplinary record is none of your business, miss,” Remus grinned. He was rarely actually reprimanded, because McGonnagal was more often than not the one who caught them, or Dumbledore- In fact, his detention record was pretty minimal. Extra Prefect rounds, sure, things of that nature were commonly assigned to him, but not real punishment. When Filch sent him to the Forbidden Forest it was almost comical.

“Well that’s just unfair, because then they’ll know nothing about me. I never took you for being unfair, Emmeline.” Immediately grinning at her words, it quickly warped into a cheeky grin - an expression he wore far too often. “Brilliant smile, eh? I’m flattered. Any other comments you want to throw my way? My ears are wide open.” Despite how often he complimented himself, it always felt great hearing it from other people. Especially her. “True - I have a brilliant smile, silly jokes, and I’m never boring. What a catch. Even if I have an undying love for pie. People come and go, but pie? Pie is forever. Until you eat it, and then you just make another one.”

❝Is it, Edgar? Is it really unfair? Or is that being generous, not making them go through the ropes of seeing you multiple times a week, having to listen to your ridiculous antics?❞ As soon as he began to grin, Emmeline regretted what she had said. She should have known better, really; he could hear her say something nice and would latch onto it, refusing to let it go for Merlin only knew how long. ❝You  m i s s e d  the whole point of that, didn’t you?❞ Waving a hand, Emmeline dismissed his cheeky grin and tried to move past it. ❝What happens when you finally fall for someone and they don’t like pie? What happens when they’re one of the people who have gone and fallen so easily for you?❞ She knew too well how unlikely that was. Edgar didn’t do relationships; the closest he had been was when he and Lily had dated a few years previously. Since then, though, she hadn’t cared enough to pay attention to how many flings he’d taken part in. ❝'M surprised you haven’t tried to get to the kitchens by now for some.❞

“A bold statement, considering how many idiots we’re surrounded by. Take a look at who you’re talking to, for instance - but I would never try because I don’t have a death wish.” Edgar undoubtedly did many, many stupid things but even he had a line that wouldn’t be crossed. Besides, he’d never do anything that’d make her unhappy, which Alice definitely did. “Convincing? The only convincing that’ll need to be done is ‘no, that’s a bit too large, it shouldn’t be taller than the castle’.”

❝Oh, I was taking you into account when I said that. If you wouldn't try it, surely nobody else would,❞ she teased. Emmeline knew better than to think Edgar would ever be silly enough to try it - the fight they would put up wouldn't be worth the pain it would cause him. For a moment, she stared at him, then shook her head gently. ❝Yes, because convincing them that it should be larger than the castle is exactly what the hard part would be. Not getting it done in the first place, or having it put on the pitch.❞

“It’s not like I’m going to fail just because of this one paper,” then, quieter, “You don’t have to be mean about it…”

❝One paper becomes two, becomes three, becomes an entire year filled with substandard essays. I’m not trying to be mean about it, but you do realize your marks are important, right?❞

“ simplicity, i get it. ” rabastan threw his palms up in defeat finally, pulling a face to suggest he’d given in, satisfied with her words. a light laugh spilled forth.

❝Clearly I don’t care about redundancy, though.❞ A laugh matching his escaped her as she realized then how she must have sounded. ❝Only one gold star? I’m going to have to ask Alice how to be sarcastic enough for two.❞ She nodded slowly, mulling over what she would say next. After a few pauses, she opened her mouth. ❝No moral code. It’s just not how I would go about getting where I want to be. If that’s how some choose to achieve their ends, then that’s their decision to make.❞

“The main reason but I figured at least a fraction of your personality had to do with it. That, and I think the Sorting Hat knew better than to try and separate you and Alice - it just knew.” She was lucky to have her closest friend in the same house - he had Katrina and Ted but they were in a different year, then her, Amos, and Amelia were in entirely different houses. Damn hat. “That sounds fair - whatever makes the people happy. So long as there’s pie and a statue of me in the works, I’m content.”

❝I don’t think anything in this world would be idiotic enough to try something like that.❞ Alice had been the one person Emmeline hadn’t tried to push away - ever. Many late nights had been spent sat together in one bed, Alice pulling all nighters when she could have easily shrugged Emmeline off without a second thought. But she hadn’t, and for that alone, Emmeline would be eternally grateful. ❝Well obviously there would be pie. I couldn’t refuse you that much. The statute, however, may take a bit of time. And convincing.❞