one sad writer

Love doesnt keep.  There were moments that words are left unspoken. ‘Yung nagkaroon na lang siya ng jowa, di ka pa nakakaamin. I realized,  mahirap umamin pero mas mahirap kung di ka aamin.  We don’t need too much regret in our life, right?

Love should be a discovery. These are times we only just realized that we’d done things we’d never done before.  'Yung inakala mong impossible noon, nagagawa mo na ngayon.  I realized, kaya natin nasasabi na masaya tayo,  kasi marami tayong nakakayanang gawin..  because of love.

Love should not be destructive.  By the time comes that the love fades,  we should not lose ourselves. Dapat 'yung pagmamahal,  iniinspire tayo to be better,  not to destroy our future. Kaya ikaw,  sige dyan ka lang.  Iiwan ka na rin ni future.

Love is about timing.  You’ll know its love when everything is falling into their right places and not falling into pieces.  Mararamdaman mo 'yan at masasabing,  ito na 'yun.

Love is selfless. It is by giving more than what you receive.  Huwag na tayong maglokohan,  kahit sabihin nating hindi na natin ibibigay lahat sa susunod,  ginagawa pa rin natin..  unconsciously. It’s not bad specially if its worth it.

Love is about mutual understanding and respect. It’s love when you understand everything about him/her especially when at his/her worst.. and you just respect your individual differences..  As they say,  opposite attracts..

Love is all about being faithful.  It is about believing thats its gonna work,  LDR o SDR man 'yan,  if you are faithful, especially within yourself,  everything works.  It is by faith that you conquer all,  right?

Love should be real.  We live in this pretentious world that we are all feed up of fake news and fraud,  but love should always be real.  Because we want to please everyone,  we’re forgetting to be real.  to be us.  I realized,  if he/she is really not interested, whether youre real or not, he/she will not push through.  Simple as it is. So,  better be real.

*many things in mind, can’t process words. lol

August 23, 2004

Guzman,

the cold wind blows extravagantly as the grass sways to it, I’ve realized, not all living things is bothered with the cold breeze it is bringing at this moment. So, why me? Why am I been bothered with the cold treatment? With the cold breeze of the wind? I hugged my thighs and think how fucked up I am for even still looking for you. As I watch through the windows, to see you leave, I’ve realized this might be the most heartbreaking moment for me. I had loved you.. and I still does. even after you left. Even after you abandoned me. I love you with all my heart… and with all the broken parts of me.. The rain pours as if my tears resembles with it, ‘cuz suddenly I remember those times when you say the sweetest goodbye because somehow I know you’ll come back.. but now, as you leave, you’d brought those parts of me.. sealed in a jar, thinking of those moments to ever happen again ‘cuz this time, I’m sure, you’ll say goodbye and never come back.

Your daughter,

April 23, 2003

Andre,

Today, I may lost you, but my heart will just stay the same. You may never be with me, but my heart will always be here for you. I love you. Without reservations. As I let you go, I realized, there’s no need to be physically together as my heart connects with you.. somehow, I know you are in a good place. You are now happy.. even it is not with me. even it is with somebody else. I can still remember the first time we met, you’d given me a bottle of cola as soon as you saw me crying because I failed my math test.. *laughs, that was the start of a good friendship.. of a beautiful life together. But today, sadly it will come to an end..This may hurt now, as I drink this bottle of cola, still in tears, but I know, like what we had, it will come to an end. So to you, my love, I love you, but it’s already a goodbye. 

Farewell,

June 13, 1945

Lorenzo,

You were my favorite summer. Never did I imagine that I would meet you even in times that I’m in right now. I’m a complete mess as my dad divorced my mom so we have to run away despite having my brother who is terribly sick. But then, I found you. You were the sun that burnt a mark inside my chest. From then I knew despite your unimaginable looks, you were a man with a good heart. You always listen to my tantrums about life and questions to God but never in those times I felt like you were hearing too much. Maybe after you read this, this will remind you how good you are and how much I treasure you as the most unexpected part of my life. But somehow, as they say, every beginning needs an ending. I write this letter to remind the universe that once in our history, Claire Bammerland loved Lorenzo Dimayuga in the summer of 1945. Our story may come to an end as I ride this bus towards me finding my true identity and you moving towards the girl of your dreams. But before this day ends, I want to take this chance to let you know that I love you. I love you with all the summer to come. And no winter could ever change that.

Scorching love,

Kingdom of Iresland

Hadel grew up as an impatient and self-centered man but he was by then very attractive and passionate about ruling a kingdom. Until someone walked into his life and changed it all, Princess Priscella. As he was not the gentle type of a man, he once planned to get the woman in any way possible, whatever it takes.

One night, while the trees are stooping low and the waters are getting cold, Priscella, the young princess of the City of Ireses, went out to see the green lagoon outside the castle to think about her upcoming pragmatic marriage with the King of Passionate Golds, Lexery. It was by then when her beauty was noticed by the late King of Freezing Hell, Hadel. While the King of Coldstones is on the surge of finding the mysterious blood orchid to cure his favorite hellboar, Brandyl, he was on the huge road going to Humunukupoea, he saw Priscella and got easily fascinated with the princess. For someone who has been on the undergrounds and just went out once in his life, meeting this beautiful woman is outrageous. As he quoted, “I was once searching for an orchid but I’ve seen a beautiful lily instead, perhaps, the most beautiful one.” It was by then the love of a bad king ruled over the Kingdom of Hell and Haven.

Hadel tried to hold back his aggressiveness and asked Priscella’s hand to her father but the King of Ireses proclaimed, “No man is ever deserving to my daughter’s hand except Lexery.. Not even you. You are the ruthless of all the ruthless! Get out!” The King of Coldstones was furious. It was his first time to bow down to someone but he didn’t even get what he wanted that’s why he swore to himself that he will claim the princess as the sun sets today. He’d collected his greatest hellboars and hellwarriors to begin the attack in the City of Ireses with the goal of abducting the princess.

“Attack!” He commanded.

— That life is pure evil; the things we ought to forget, haunt us back and all that we want to remember, our minds keep on forgetting. For the waves of memoirs are inevitable, that the water runs through the sand trying to fill out the spaces in between, and gives nothing but absolute pain.

May 02, 1996

Immanuel,

I write to you today to let you know that I marry you not because you made my life easier but rather, you made my life even more meaningful. It was a blissful year and I can't thank God enough of how much you made me the happiest woman alive. I gave birth to one and then second and.. uhm.. I know that the third one is a bit painful, for she was our only girl. And years after, another girl just broke my heart. I saw you with her.. and with our second son. The night was full blown and the stars were nowhere to be found. I think, the heaven knows what I feel, huh? In those years I question myself, am I.. uhm, not enough? Are those vows ever matter? Because for me, it is a lot more than that. You are a lot more than the words that I uttered. To me, you are the vows I intended to fulfill for the passing hours.. of the day, of the year, and the next years.. until death do us part. And you see, years passed and there were no days I thank God that I had fought you and this love at that time. Our marriage is never perfect but I think this is a gift given by our God.. and to you, my love, I accept, embrace, nurture the beauty and flaws of this relationship and now I know, as you hold my hand and tear up as you listen to this vow renewing our marriage, I hope, as the preceded years, I made you happy. For I vow to continue doing it for you.

Forgiving love,