E M M A

Can I feel tired? All this time, I’ve tried to look okay even though I cry when I’m alone. I feel like as a woman, we’re always expected to be strong and do our best to make those around us happy and proud. No matter how much it hurts, we’re supposed to keep going. I believe we need to let go of these feelings, not hold them in. Often, I suppress my sadness, which ends up making me cry. Why do we have to pretend we’re okay when we’re not?

I’ve been feeling sad these past few days. Yes, I have someone to share my sadness with, but the sadness still lingers. As an adult, I know there will always be challenges each day, but I want to feel truly happy without constantly thinking about what makes me sad.

People say that feeling sad often makes you seem ungrateful for what you’ve been given. I want to say that feeling sad doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, it could just be a way for someone to stay sane.

Grateful. Yeah, one word but so hard to do that. Sometimes we forget to be grateful for everything that we have today. We often compare ourselves to people out there who might seem to have the best life. My mom taught me to be grateful for every small thing in life because that's how you can deal with tough situations. She said true happiness comes from a heart that feels grateful for everything.

Even when we have bad times in life, we should be grateful because hard times teach us a lot. They show us how to deal with fake people, how to try again after failing, how to focus on things that bring peace, and how to know people more deeply than before. I believe all of us have something that we can't share with anyone but we keep and try to handle on our own.

Gratitude helps us appreciate what we have, instead of focusing on what we don’t. It reminds us that there are good things in life, even if they are small. We might have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and people who care about us. These are things worth being grateful for.

My mom always said that being grateful helps us get through tough times. When things go wrong, it’s easy to feel down and lost. But if we remember to be grateful, we can find strength to keep going. Gratefulness gives us hope and helps us see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I was still young back then. Young Emma could handle everything by herself. She didn't really ask for help because her mother taught her to learn things and do things alone. My parents were always busy back then, and I did everything alone, and I still do now.

My parents are always proud of my brother. They always say I have to be like him, successful like him, even though I feel like I'm doing my best and having a great life. They still compare me to him, and I don't like it.

Then there's my little brother. I love him. He is cute sometimes but also annoying. My mom always puts him first, before me or my older brother. Maybe it's because he is still young and needs to learn too. But I wish I could share things with both my brothers. I hope they could understand me better.

Getting older makes you realize things, and one big thing I’ve noticed is that I want to make my circle smaller. I just want to cut off people who lie to me, treat me badly, or have two faces. And I quite enjoy doing that right now. I’m happy to be around people who are genuinely kind, respect friendship, and teach us to grow together.

When I cut people off, I literally just stop talking to them and stop caring about them. It doesn't matter how long we’ve known each other, if they’ve treated me badly, they deserve it. I don’t want to waste my energy on people who don’t value me. It’s like cleaning up my life and only keeping the good parts.

Of course, I feel anxious sometimes and question myself. I wonder if I really need to do this. Maybe they can change, maybe they didn’t mean it, or maybe I’m just too sensitive. I used to confuse myself with all these thoughts. But I don’t want to be like that anymore.

I’ve realized that people show their true colors eventually, and if someone shows me they are not a good friend, I believe them. I don’t want to keep making excuses for people who hurt me. I deserve to be around people who care about me and treat me well.

It’s not easy to cut people off, especially if we have a lot of history together. But sometimes, it’s necessary for my peace of mind. I want to be surrounded by positive energy and people who make me feel good about myself. Life is too short to spend time with people who bring me down.

I’ve learned that it’s okay to put myself first. It’s not selfish, it’s self-care. I want to grow and be the best version of myself, and I can’t do that if I’m constantly worrying about toxic people. So, I choose to let them go.

I’m proud of myself for making this decision. It’s a sign of growth and self-respect. I’m creating a life that makes me happy, and that’s what matters the most. I’m learning to trust my instincts and not second-guess myself. It feels good to take control of my life and decide who gets to be a part of it.

Sometimes, I just lose it. Like, I try my hardest, but things still go sideways, and I end up mad at myself. I beat myself up over not being perfect, even when I give it my all. It's like I'm always seeing the flaws, even though I know I do good stuff too.

And then there's this constant worry: Have I made the people I love proud? Like, my family... I feel like I've let them down, like I'm not measuring up. And when I get stuck in that headspace, all I can think about is how much I suck.

Hey, it's me, Emma!

I used to write down all my thoughts in a real diary, but now I wanna switch here, because the internet makes everything so easy.

I'm the kind of person who struggles to talk about how I feel, but I'm giving it a shot by writing. Writing helps me get all my thoughts out, not because I want people to read them, but because I hope others out there can find a place for their thoughts too.