I'm Takin' Back The Crown

There are times where I lay up at night, thinking about the Peppa Pig video clip that shows her hanging up on her friend when she’s complaining about not knowing how to whistle and the friend whistles, and I think about how relatable it is. I would have definitely hung up on her the moment she tried to upstage me on a phone call. A phone call that I chose to make. Did she not realize everyone texts theses days? She’s lucky it wasn’t via bitmojis. Mine is a little taller than I actually am and has way more game than I could ever wish to have. I’m Paul Wesley, and I’d probably fail a sleep study test.

I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about. I know who Peppa Pig is--but I can’t say I’m all that familiar with her work. I do however think it’s hysterical how familiar you are with it, though. Do you wish you could trade lives with your bitmoji? It still creeps me out how easy it is to get bitmoji’s to look like you--or actual people--what’s up with that? How’s it so easy, I don’t get it?!

“Hm, well Hollywood? Introductions are always necessary so I guess I’ll let you guys in on who I am. Name’s Tyler, or Posey. You can call me whichever, or even Daddy if you’d prefer. Anyway, I’m just a twenty-six year old dude originally from Santa Monica. Playing music with my brothers is a passion and eating all the food in sight is my number one talent. Oh, yeah, I’m not so bad at acting either.“ 

I think I’m going to have to skip on the Daddy thing. I don’t know, maybe I’m just old--but I could never get behind this whole daddy craze that seems to be happening. It’s so fucking creepy to me. Maybe it’s also because I didn’t have a dad--but let’s not turn this into my daddy issues. But honestly, you had me at food and music--two of my favorite things in the whole, wide world, so we have that in common. I’m Emmy!

So you walk down the sidewalk, you got the shoes and the dress and the whole thing going on because, like, one time you dress up when you run to get some fucking milk and suddenly - snap - your heel breaks. And then there is that moment when life is suddenly in slow motion. Like, screw romantically running tit-first into each others arms like in the movies. The slo-mo only happens when you’re about to make an arse of yourself. Or fall flat on your arse, which hurts like the dickens, by the way. So, yeah, I’m Cara and my bum is blue. Let’s get it drunk so it’s in a good mood again.

Well if this isn’t the damn truth, then I don’t know what the hell is. I’ve been trying to tell my own damn mother this for years, but she never wants to believe me. She’s come up with all of these crazy way’s I’m going to meet my ‘husband’--and I’m just like ma, no--not happening. She reads too many romance novels, I think. Ice it, then get back on your feet and do just that!

It’s not even officially Fall yet and I’m already this cloudy, gloomy weather New York has going on. I’ve had at least four pumpkin spice lattes and today isn’t even halfway over yet. Does that make me weird? Anyways, hi, I’m Carrie and if you haven’t already heard - my album ‘Cry Pretty’ comes out tomorrow. Check it out, please?

I love this kind of weather--but then again I’m originally an East Coaster. Having moved and lived predominately in LA for the last few days always makes me miss the seasons--if I’m being honest. I don’t think so, aren’t they seasonal? Get it while you can! I’m Emmy, nice to meet you--and congrats on the new album.

I’ve been in LA for not more than a week and I’ve managed to find a plethora of things to do. How do people ever get bored in the city of angels?! I attended the LA County fair for the first time ever last night and food…food is another thing people in LA get creative as hell with. Craving a cotton candy ice cream sandwich? No problem, they got that at the fair. Along with fried pickles and fried peacon pie. I guess you can say it’s basically a foodies heaven, right? At least that’s what I’d think. But hey everyone I don’t know personally but have seen on my TV; I’m Zak Bagans and I provoke spirits for living.

There’s literally nothing better then fair food...except maybe a New York hot dog--but I’m kind of obsessed, I can fully admit that. Have been my whole life. But you’re right--this does sound like any foodie’s dream. Fried pickles are always so good--but isn’t anything fried? I’ve been trying to do the while gluten free thing--and eating healthy--and it’s hard. I’ve been able to find a bunch of good recopies, but I’d be lying if I said I’ve been fighting off hella ‘bad food’ cravings, especially after reading all of this! I’m Emmy.  Nice to meet you. Zak--I think. That last bit, not gonna lie, kind of intimidating.

“Hey gals/guys I figured I’d write this between a few takes, but yo I’m Keneti Apa or better known as K.J Apa, Ken for those lucky lads and ladies out there… joking joking. Some of you might know me from a small new Zealand drama called Shortland Street, joking joking again no one but the kiwi’s watch that, but yeah some might know me as the beloved ginger jock on a show magazines dubbed the ’teen breakout show of 2017’ Riverdale (which I’m currently filming the last few episodes of the soon to debut S3), or even recently you might know me that guy that showed up to his movie premiere of The Hate U Give dressed as a 90’s boy band member, APPARENTLY it was a dated look, I personally think it was my best yet, anyway I think I’ve blabbered on way toooooo much. Moral of the story is I’m a pretty chill twenty-one year old, I like food, dogs, my guitar and sports and yeah… I guess I don’t suck as badly as I thought I would at intros.”

I feel like this was quite a lot for someone to take in all at once. I have a pretty decent attention span, but this is even too much for me. But I think that’s because--I realized when reading this--before I couldn’t say I knew much, if anything about you. But now you’ve just thrown all this stuff my way--some stuff I’m not even convinced I fully understood. But it’s all good, it’s fine--we got time for me to learn exactly what half of this stuff means. We seem t like pretty much the same stuff--and you’re pretty damn good looking if I do say so myself, so there’s that. I feel like this is a good start...

Being in yourself is always the best advice a person can give and follow through with, for sure. A lot of the time people forget that being themselves is the best route to go. We can easily relate since we’re both New Yorkers, phew. It’s great to meet you too! LA has some pretty great dogs and I’ve nearly forgotten just how great the New York hotdogs are, ooh man! Shame on me.

Exactly, because if you can’t be yourself, then who the hell can you be, ya know? I can honestly say there’s no one I’d rather be, anyways--then myself. Can I just say, I was a fan before--but knowing you’re also a New Yorker just made me love you even more. True story, I’m superficial like that I guess. I just love my hometown, though! And the people from it! Right? I could never forget--LA and Chicago have some pretty great ones, but they still can’t beat good, ole NYC street dogs! Shame on you is right!

I’d say that’s definitely a memorable way to introduce yourself! It’s undoubtedly made me want a hog dog far too early in the morning, but that’s nothing new. It’s lovely to meet you, Emmy! I’m Blake, we have a million mutual friends, and I’m mad none of them have fully intro’d us before so we could bond over the perfect coney.

I’d much rather be memorable then forgotten--so I’ll take it. Morning, noon or night--I’d rather be eating a really good hot dog, then whatever the hell I’m doing at the moment, so that doesn’t even phase me. In fact, it makes me like you all the more! You as well--I know! What the hell is wrong with them? I’m mad, too! I feel like we have so much to time to make up for, now!