Emily Taylor Kelso

Where Gettin’ Older was a very personal collection of songs, In Another Life is, for the most part, its opposite.

It’s a collection of songs about fictional situations and fantasies that maybe could have been my reality in an alternate universe, with one notable exception.

That exception is Normal. Despite being the most personal song I’ve ever written, I kept Normal on this album because it represents “In Another Life” in a different way: it feels like it took a lifetime (or three) to make it here.

I feel less like I need to explain myself with this collection of songs because they’re not as much like diary entries set to music. They’re just some of my favourite songs I’ve ever written. They’re fun, they’re a little vicious and they romanticize life in a way that I don’t normally do in my songwriting.

gettin’ older is realizing that getting better isn’t linear

that you can have regrets one day, but the next, you wouldn’t change anything because it all worked out in the end

that nostalgia is a dangerous thing

that you can be strong and independent but still feel devastated if people you love don’t support you

that it still hurts to let go of a part of your identity, even if it only caused you pain in the first place

that you don’t need to suffer through miserable situations just to “deserve” the ones that make you happy; you can spend your precious free time choosing only the things and people that bring you joy

that you can find your old self again, and sometimes she’s even cooler than you remembered her being

The Beginnings: 2015-2019 (Bandcamp Exclusive)

This collection of re-recordings takes me through most of my undergraduate degree and then some. Turns out university is no less chaotic and formative than high school.

Not a Love Song was me trying to figure out my feelings for someone. They weren’t as clear as the “I’m so in love” feelings I had in high school. They were complicated. They stayed complicated.

Anything But You came from a party I went to in my first year of university. I remembered one particular guy pursuing me the whole night, and when he tried to kiss me at the end of the night, my brain essentially went “absolutely not. Do not want.” It gave me a little clarity about how I was feeling and about whom I was feeling it.

Fall is peak irony. I was not in love with this person, but everyone around us thought we should date. Every summer break, we’d work together and endure all these comments about how we should be dating. Eventually, I think the comments got to me and I thought, “okay maybe we should just date.” I really didn’t want to ruin our friendship, so it was terrifying. We never did end up dating—he came out a few years later!

The Girl He Thinks I Am, like “Fall,” was written when everyone around me was convinced I should date one of my best friends. Ironically, I thought I was the one with the secret that would make it impossible for us to work out. In reality, I was just dealing with unprocessed trauma, but he had a much more valid reason not to date me! (We’re still super close friends, FYI.)

Finally Over You was me realizing that it didn’t matter how much time I spent living away from home and everyone I knew in high school; those old feelings would come rushing back if I let my guard down, and I was determined not to let it happen.

Ask Me To, One More Song, and Wish You Were Here were all me catching feelings for someone who was still getting over their ex. The feelings were intense and came on quick, but they thankfully faded just as fast. My favourite thing about the songs I wrote about this situation is how the songs somehow sound like the two of us.

Lay Back Down is the product of a very bad mental health moment and a late night songwriting session. Not to be taken literally, but to be felt.

Go is one of those songs I only write when I’m looking forward to my future, “Born to Fly” by Sarah Evans style. I was definitely feeling excited about life that day.

Cryin’ Wolf (Goodbye), despite the mention of “four years,” was 100% not about the first high school heartbreak. It’s about a complicated friendship that just felt like too much.

The Beginnings: 2013-2014 (Bandcamp Exclusive)

High school is so formative. It’s an emotional roller coaster. I was still trying to process 2012, but I was also having some of the best experiences of my life and dealing with friendship drama and planning for (and starting) my future. It all gave me some great songwriting fodder. I feel like you can hear the maturity in some of these lyrics compared to the songs I wrote in 2012. They were so fun to re-record!

I Hate Myself (For Loving You) was me realizing “The Last Song” from 2012 would never be the last song. Not even close. But it was also me realizing that time would eventually help me out and get me over the heartbreak. Hence the bridge and last chorus!

Break My Broken Heart stemmed from one of many high school parties that all played out the same way. All of them. I knew I wasn’t over what I was dealing with, so I was trying to be extra careful with my heart, even if it meant denying myself what I thought I wanted at the time.

Can’t Hold Back absolutely happened because I used the phrase “footloose and fancy free” in my Tumblr name. I was in the midst of an obsession with ‘80s movies and music. Footloose actually still hasn’t left me (the song or the film).

Never Again, like “Break My Broken Heart,” was the result of a high school party, but a night where I was a little less careful with my heart. It happens!

I’m on My Way was my way of expressing the pure joy I felt in the summer of 2013. Fresh off a second breakup, which was significantly less messy than the first, I took my first trip to New York. Everything was perfect.

Found was probably the first time I wrote about a friend’s relationship and heartbreak instead of my own. (I also did this with Record High, which I released in early 2022.)

That Much clearly shows how conflicted I was when the summer ended and I went back to school. It’s much easier to move on from complicated feelings when you don’t have to see people every day, but it gets a little more confusing when you share hallways and classrooms.

Just a Memory is the epitome of “I’m so sick of still grieving a relationship that ended forever ago; come on brain, let’s get over it!” This was also one of the first songs that made me feel like I was capable of writing country music.

You’re Not Alone was me writing the words I wished someone would say to me. Senior year of high school was anxiety-filled for me; everything was about to change and I was losing friends. Let’s just say it was a bad time!

LC (The Day I Got Away) was written months before “the day I got away.” I placed myself years in the future and reflected on my years in high school and how I felt about it. I don’t know if it was supposed to bring me comfort and make it easier to leave, but I’ve never felt the need to write another song about leaving high school; years later, I still believe 17-year-old Emily nailed it.

Don’t Get to Get to Me is the third song in an accidental trilogy. “Break My Broken Heart,” “Never Again,” and this song tell the same story, but about different nights. I promise I eventually saw the pattern and broke it!

The Beginnings: 2012 (Bandcamp Exclusive)

I’ll tell you forever that 2012 was the worst year of my life. It wasn’t all bad, but I was so absolutely unequipped for what I went through that it took the next decade to recover, and in some ways it permanently altered me as a person.

That’s why this year gets its own album of re-recordings. I wrote hundreds of songs to process it all, and when I look back, I still love most of them. As emotional as I personally think these songs are, they don’t scratch the surface of what I went through. Those songs didn’t start coming out of me until 5 years later after a whole psychology degree and a little therapy.

Love Story is the most ironic way to start this collection, but I insist on doing things chronologically. So this is me falling in love for the first time.

Are You Happy Now is me getting my heart broken for the first time despite everyone trying to warn me.

Stupid Boy is peak pettiness on my part. I’ll own up to that one; I was being a dramatic 15-year-old kid.

Over You was me trying to be hopeful and trust that time would heal all despite how messy it was in that moment. (Spoiler alert: it would.)

Recovery was the first day I felt truly good again. (Spoiler alert: it wouldn’t last.)

Miss Me, Miss Me was me re-gaining my confidence and remembering I was worth loving, and worth missing.

What’s Good About Goodbyes had a bridge that came to me in the shower; I wrote the song around it. I liked writing as if I was years in the future, reflecting back on whatever I was going through in that exact moment with wisdom and clarity. I especially like revisiting songs like that now that it really is years in the future.

Good Girls (Bad Boys) is about the first time you hear that the first person to break your heart is seeing someone new.

Each Step of the Way just proves how complicated humans are. It proves that I could be angry and hurt and heartbroken but still insist on caring about the person who caused it all once I saw that they were going through something. (Or it proves I was really easily manipulated. We’ll never know what really happened here.)

It’s Still His is that feeling when you’re not over someone, but there’s someone new trying to win your heart. It’s not that new person’s fault; you’re just not ready until you’re ready.

Still in Love with You is… exactly what it is. Exactly.

You Taught Me That was mainly inspired by the grandfather I lost when I was 6. I had a weird relationship with religion and the idea of heaven when I was younger, and writing songs like this gave me so much comfort.

Fall for You Again is how it feels to love someone new but still have moments where you worry that you’re not over that first heartbreak. It’s weird the first time you care about two people at once; before that, you don’t believe there’s anyone else out there for you. At least when you’re 16.

The Beginnings: 2010-2011 (Bandcamp Exclusive)

I didn’t always call myself a “songwriter,” but I always wrote songs.

When I was a kid, I’d write songs around one word or phrase that would pop into my head.

When I was a pre-teen, I’d write songs about real life friendships and bullies but try to disguise them as love songs because I thought that was more relatable.

I used to feel like my songs would never be “good” because I’d never been in love or had a real relationship. But somehow I ended up capturing exactly how I felt in that transitional phase of my life, between a child and a teen, between junior high and high school, between naive and a little wiser.

Are the songs I wrote between 13 and 15 fantastic, Grammy-worthy songs? Probably not. But they’re my babies, and I have a sentimental attachment to them. So I re-recorded some of them in 2022 to give them the life and perspective they couldn’t have back then.

2010-2011 produced only 5 songs I felt like sharing (again… if you were here in 2010-2012, you might have heard the OG recordings).

Been Here All Along was inspired by my first crush and the fantasy I created in my head of how it would feel to date him.

Back to Me is about leaving junior high and being separated from the little class of 12 (sometimes 13) kids I grew up with when we moved to a bigger school the next fall. Knowing not all of those kids are still with us today made this one extra emotional.

I Try was inspired by my grandfather, whom I lost when I was 6 years old. Turns out the first death you have to deal with takes quite a while to really process.

I Fell Anyway came from my first attempt at a “relationship” when I got to high school and how it felt when it started falling apart.

On this day in 2017...

Yes, Taylor released Reputation. 

But also I released my first album, Something Beautiful. It’s my favourite collection of songs. It stemmed from so many bad experiences and turned them into something special.

Listen/purchase: Ain't the Same (Bandcamp Edition) - EP by Emily Taylor Kelso