So there's this really interesting passage in the book "The Science of Love and Betrayal" by Robin Dunbar (yes it's the same biologist that wrote the "Friends" book that I've been praising quite a bit recently), that I thought might be beneficial to share here. It's about the neurological connection between physical pain, and social rejection.
Some further evidence that social and physical pain are one and the same thing comes from evidence that children who have recently been injured express distress in response to seperation from a caregiver more often and more intensely than children who have not. Similarly, adults who have chronic pain disorders also experience more anxiety about their personal relationships than healthy individuals and are more likely to have an anxious attachment style (one in which they constantly question the commitment of a partner). ...
I've known (quite a number of people now), who struggle with BPD and anxious attachment, while simultaneously dealing with chronic pain disorders, through rather significant portions of their life. What I want to mention here, because I feel it's important; is that all of these people have invariably been AFAB. I recall some things I learned in the past about existing as a woman, and the almost equivalent experience of having to deal with more chronic health conditions, as a result. Which... Kinda makes a lot of sense to me as to why more people with anxious attachment styles tend to be women. In my opinion.
It's something that seems to work in the opposite direction as well - and Dunbar in the book describes the phenomenon as: "people who experience less social rejection and have healthier relationships fare better against illness, and recover quicker from injury". But coming at this from a strictly personal perspective; I am a person that doesn't seem to experience pain as severely as the others around me seem to feel it. Injuries and illness tend to take a long time to heal for me, and when I'm down, I am completely bedridden; but the reality of the matter is I don't really feel it as strongly as others seem to. Same with the idea of social rejection. Which again - I've been clinically labelled as a "Youth Psychopath", and I likely still display behaviours typical of secondary psychopathy. I wonder if these two concepts might be connected, somehow??
From what I understand; women deal with a lot more chronic health conditions compared to men. Just as a general concept. These are conditions that aren't entirely debilitating, necessarily - but require constant attention, and treatment, to alleviate pain. I've heard quite a bit about the horrors that is heightened allergen sensitivity and the experience of having hyperactive immune systems that just attack your own body for no reason, embedded into the daily realities of being female. Regardless if women have higher pain tolerance levels than men or not - the reality is that that's a lot of pain. Semi-constant, if not constant pain too.
It makes intuitive sense to me then, as to why women would experience higher sensitivity to rejection and inter-relationship troubles, than men. Pain just adds to pain, and already dealing with pain on a constant basis, probably doesn't make that experience of possibly having to deal with more pain because of relationship shit any better, I would think.
I don't think I really experience human relationships to that deep of a level as most people around me (in general) do. But I've grown enough to realize that some relationships really do hurt. Like, in a physical, absolutely uncontrollable way. March was probably the first time I've had to deal with heartbreak in such a gut-wrenching, honestly kinda life-changing and very painful way - so I think I understand better now, how physical pain could be so directly intertwined with the feeling of social rejection.
This is all really interesting information overall. Honestly it kind of strengthens my belief that it's probably one of the most important things to build a body that is healthy, and as much as possible pain-free - in order to create and maintain a healthier sense of mental health. Because if lessening your load of physical pain means that you then increase tolerance against rejection, and are then less sensitive to relationship issues; that means that you'll be better equipped to deal with the other people in your social circle, and whatever trouble (or unexpected drama) that may happen in it.
I've gotten a lot better myself, thanks to better health and a stable set of friends. There's no doubt in my mind, that both my friends and my physical health boost each other. My overall well-being is probably the best it's ever been in my life - and this is undoubtedly because I've been able to heal on both ends.
It's kinda nice to know that I'm doing the right things for myself, and am on the correct path with my own recovery - backed by science, nonetheless. Lmao. Very valuable information overall, I'd say.
