greenhouse gass

1: they’re kinda hot right? not just because they are sexy and mysterious and vaguely wasian looking but because like youre kissing, tongue and all, they go for your neck. they make groaning sounds that could be bloodlust or sex drive, you’ll never know. you turn into a vampire because of this and you live happily ever after with your kids in a shaded forest away from society and you never have to lose eachother (or worry about getting old and crusty) because you’re vampires that don’t age. you’re just this cool goth family that people tell legends about until the end of time.

2: why are vampires any more evil than humans? they suck blood, yes, but humans also used to be more cannibalistic so why don’t we just tell the vampires that they can eat the blood of animals rather than humans and we can live in harmony, basically living the same lives. vampires can run the graveyard shifts and humans can run the day shifts, it will be new york by day and new bloody pork by night. plus we would have less light pollution since the people would be more mindful of not absolutely blinding vampires who are used to the dark. vampires aren’t necessarily evil they just developed different morals than us, they act more animalistic, like a bird of prey eating a smaller bird, we just need to teach them modern morals and we can live simultaneously.

3: a vampire roomate would be awesome as hell, they get a job and work at night and when they come home it’s almost day and they go to sleep, you wake up about the same time and work while they sleep. you only see eachother at dawn and dusk and they literally can’t be loud unless you live in someone’s basement or something because they will just literally burn. they might even make you breakfast before they go to bed if they are really nice.

4: i think that in a vampire-filled society we’d have humans that pretend to be vampires like white people that pretend to be asian. they’d dye their hair black and dress in dark clothing and carve their teeth but we would all know that they were human because they seemed to fetishise all of it just like a “transracial” person would

5: i think maybe if vampires one day were like “hey we kinda want to live simultaneously with you instead of only during night” then they could make these veils that protect them from the sun, you can see through them but it helps them when they want to go outside without burning up. maybe at some point we create sunscreen that blocks UV rays completely so that they can go outside without veils.

[a guy runs into a vampire]

Person: Woah woah please have mercy, don’t turn me into a vampire!

Vampire: What, how and why would I do that?

Person: Well when vampires bite people they turn into vampires

Vampire: If you bit me would I turn human? I didn’t think so! What is this logic!?