It’s been 11 days since That happened and I’m still not able to realize it completely.

I can’t even say those words out loud without wanting to burst into laughing because I still feel like everything is a bad dream.

When I first learnt the news I was at school and yes, even in that moment, I laughed after reading the title “SHINee’s Jonghyun passed away”. Can it be possible?

I came to the realization that I’m living in a state of denial, watching their videos and living like nothing ever happened. But even like this, this past week felt like an eternity, like a nightmare that didn’t seem to shake off of me. 

Everything felt unreal, my mind was numb, I had no will to go out and meet people, I stopped blabbing a lot like my usual self, I somehow isolated myself, I started to go to bed at 3 am.. I started to feel what I hadn’t felt in a lot. But I don’t want  to talk about this now.

So, even when I tried my best to ignore everything, to pretend nothing really happened, my heart felt there was something wrong.

I just want to say that, no, I’m not ready to bid him farewell, I don’t think I’ll ever be, but I truly, honestly, want everyone to take their time to heal.

Healing is the most important process, so it’s ok if you feel like not going out, it’s ok if you want to cry or scream, it’s ok if you create some kind of barrier, but it’s not ok to neglect yourself.

Remember, someone wants to see you happy, someone is cheering for you, treat yourself, drink water, sleep as much as you feel the need to, take care of yourself. Please, I’m not asking you to be happy and go on like nothing happened, don’t lie to yourself, just don’t forget to live. 

Jonghyun was such a beautiful, beautiful soul. His voice, what he said in his songs and during Blue Night Radio inspired me a lot, I wish he (or whoever, someone) could do the same for you. Please live decently, you can feel worthless one day and feel like the greatest person alive the other, it’s totally normal.

I love you all, we’re all worth it. 

“We’re all worth it, man. We’re all worth millions of planets and stars and galaxies and universes”

please promise me and take care of yourselves today, okay? celebrate his life & then go on a walk, or maybe paint a pretty picture, or bake something yummy. i know that today is hard, but let’s give jonghyun a big kiss & do our best today just like he did.

jonghyun,