indecisive

I like these two in particular

Genshin Impact Masterlist ✦ Masterlist

“Do you have a moment?” You raise your eyes from your book to see Dottore standing in the doorway, one foot already inside the room like he remembered courtesy too late. The door is barely open, leaving space just for half his body to step inside.

“Of course.” You reply, putting your book aside. 

Dottore comes to you for two reasons only. As busy as he can get, experimenting with the unknown and exciting parts of laying with someone else is a pleasure he indulges in only as a form of reward, after achieving substantial results. Otherwise, he occasionally comes to check on you and make sure you don't disappear. You tell him you won’t. He has men following you, watching you while he is away. Yet, he is at peace only when he sees you there, exactly where he last left you, like a doll he puts on his shelf. 

He closes the door behind him and walks with heavy yet elegant steps that fill the silent room towards the bed. The air is suddenly tense, and you’re waiting to see if he will bring up your brief meeting in the morning. You saw him in an empty hallway at Zapolyarny palace, no guards, no subordinates, no one to witness. And he didn’t even spare a glance in your direction. Dottore is nowhere near the fiery passionate lover who would sneak around, incapable of keeping away from you. He is as cold and still as the snow quietly falling outside your window, sometimes turning into a merciless blizzard. Yet even blizzards cease and the fire inside the city melts the snow into a puddle. Nonetheless, passing you by like he didn’t even know you felt painful.

As he sits on the edge of the bed and finally takes off his mask to put it on your nightstand your heart aches. You can’t be mad at him. You don’t afford it. You are a moth to a flame, attracted by his arrogance, his ingenuity, his authority. You’re curious and fascinated and it’s probably going to get you killed because you know nothing substantial about this man. Only his title. And his anger.

He takes his gloves then the white jacket off and pulls at the knot at his neck until his blue shirt comes undone, but the leather harness over the fabric doesn’t seem to bother him as much. The room is silent, filled by the quiet sound of sheets shifting as you welcome him in your arms. He likes to sit like that, with his back against you and his head hanging on your shoulder. You can only guess he likes the warmth of your body enveloping him, keeping him close from behind, because he never expressed it through words.

One of your hands slips under his shirt to touch his chest and you feel the way it rises and falls heavily under your palm. The other cups his cheek gently as you kiss him, slow and careful, to check if this is what he wants from you this time. It appears so, because his lips melt into yours and he only sighs sometimes when you rub your thumb gently over his jaw or when your fingers brush over his nipples. The harness is in the way, and he unclasps it with a calm and precise motion, giving you more freedom over his chest.

Dottore is the opposite of desperate. He knows what he wants and he knows he gets it at a snap of his fingers. As of now, he seems content with sloppy and slow kisses, tongues moving against each other in harmony, never battling for any kind of dominance. His hands are well behaved, placed over your bare calves that straddle his body. You don’t tease him and you don’t rile him up in any way. If he wants more he will take it. Your guess is that, more than the actual sexual implications of your actions, he relieves a lot of stress by being held like this. A lot of thoughts pass through your mind while you kiss him, and you know his mind is never blank or fully consumed by desire at any time either. The man always thinks, always assesses the situation, always has his next move ready.

Therefore, there’s no surprise to you when he finally pulls away and the crown of his head rests against your cheek, as crimson red eyes stare into the void like he needs more clarity. 

“I’ll be leaving for Sumeru and I arranged for you to stay at an inn near the city.” He speaks slowly, articulating every word like it’s a command for you and it’s crucial that you understand every detail.

“But... I have work to do.” A part of you is excited he wants to take you with him. Another part finds it unsettling that he speaks like everything is decided already.

“You’ll be coming for work. Your superior will let you know tomorrow.”

You know he can feel your heartbeat racing in your chest and thundering against his back. Your guess is that he probably enjoys analyzing your reactions, toying with you like a lab rat in a maze. He doesn’t. Dottore’s mind is too overwhelmed by his own selfishness to pay attention to you. All he can think about is how to keep you a secret. You are his and only his. The only thing none of them had in their lives, the only thing that makes him unique among them. If the others would find out about you they will be interested. If he is, of course they will, because he is them and they are him. No, that’s the least of problems. You cannot know about the others. What if you find 45 more mature and reliable than him? What if you find 25 more interesting and attractive than him? What if 18 and the clumsiness of a young inexperienced man wins you over? What if you meet 65 and you see where all his negative traits had gotten him? What if you see 8 and stop seeing him as a man altogether but as a foolish small boy? 

Your fingers brushing through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp bring little comfort to his troubled mind as he tries to figure out a way to keep you near him at all times while also keeping you away from them, from every version of himself. 

Then, another dreadful thought sparks to life in his mind. Would you welcome him with the same warmth and acceptance if you knew he is incomplete? That he is only a part of a man, an incomplete piece stuck in time with no chance for growth, for change? Would your eyes grow hostile, your touch become cold? He could force you. Confine you. But no matter if he examined every cell of your body he wouldn’t be able to artificially recreate that genuine care and tenderness he, or any other version of him, has never received before in this world. Dottore couldn’t risk it.

In his deprived and alienated mind that will never be moved, it is a simple exchange. For whatever reason that Dottore hasn’t yet uncovered, you’re giving him your warmth, your patience, your understanding. You couldn't be called a sly fox nor a dumb bunny. For the latter, he appreciates your intellect which probably drew you to him in the first place. When it comes to the former, well, he doesn't see any malice in your intent either. A sly bunny you could be, offering youself to him for survival. As your soft fingers work on unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, Dottore is convinced you should belong to him, and only him. His body temperature is rising, he can feel his pants grow tighter around his crotch in anticipation for the pleasure he discovered on his own, through you. In return, he will keep you safe from the corrupted and unfair world, and away from all the other parts of himself.

taglist: @ellenna