resident spell queen

“Everything’s always easier said than done. Especially when death’s on the line.” He let out a sigh, hands digging into his jacket pockets. There had to be a tipping point. He had to be at the edge of that cliff.

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“That’s an unfortunate truth,” Ella nodded solemnly. “I suppose you just have to find something worth dying for.”

“I suppose that’s what I’ve been trying to find out.” Maybe this was just another step down that path. Forging ahead under the premise of actual change, rather than bold assumptions about the person he thought he was. “I want to be my own person, and make my own changes on the world, and I want to be happy again.”

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“Then I say go for it,” Ella replied honestly. “Expectations be damned, you find what makes you happy and you run with it. Don’t let slimy voices whisper in your ear and tell you who you should be or how you should act. You find Asher Avery and you let him flourish.”

“Purpose. Happiness. Meaning. Love.” They were all there, so willingly spilling out of him. Asher, having forged himself in darkness, understood that there was more for a person to want and desire than power. Even with his mother home, likely tucked into bed, her mind wasn’t there enough to give him the full spectrum of his list. Love was hard when a soul was cracked, split wide open to be feasted upon at will.

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Ella looked at him softly. A look usually reserved for her near and dear. She wasn’t sure that the description would be extended to Asher, but his wants were things that she herself had once longed for. Might one day long for again. The world was changing around them and perhaps she should change with it. Perhaps she already had. She thought of all the ways that love had changed her. She hadn’t changed intentionally, but still, finding D.W. had changed her. “What makes you happy, Asher?”

“I haven’t found shite whether I’m looking or anything or not.” Well, no, that was the biggest lie Asher had ever told. Not only had he somehow found his mother, but he had also found a friend in Mary Macdonald. Needless to say, Ella was right, he just didn’t have the courage to admit to it all.

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“Perhaps you haven’t been not looking for long enough.” Ella said, peering at Asher curiously. “What is it that you want?” There was a genuine interest in knowing what someone like Asher Avery truly wanted with his life. Whether he would answer or answer truthfully was the real test for Ella though.

“But sometimes they are small stepping stones that could push someone along to actual growth.” There was no use in hashing out semantics, or getting across a point that wasn’t really a point at all. He was often caught, these days, between wanting to start a fight, and merely wanting a conversation that captured him. Or maybe the problem was, Asher missed being in love. He wouldn’t find that with Ella, no, and likely not the next person he spoke to. But it was there.

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“I don’t think those are changes that you can go looking for. Sometimes they have to find you without prompting. What’s the adage? Once you stop looking for something you’ll find it?” If that were how it worked, then Ella could reason that she should not try to fix herself. If she needed to change, the opportunity would somehow find her.

“I’m not sure it’s lesser minds, so much as the very real humanity of always wanting to grow,” Asher pointed out. It seemed especially silly given the fact that he was one of those people. Every conversation he had he was basically begging to be a new person.

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“There’s a difference between growth and changing every single thing about yourself, Asher.” Ella countered. “New Year Goals aren’t growth.”

“Also Lucius Malfoy.” And oddly enough, the first reason wasn’t because he was a man. Regulus might have to contemplate that realization later.

“You know, I never understood the mentality behind “New year. New me,” but I suppose lesser minds don’t have the self confidence I do.”

“Who do you think would be the worst match?” Regulus asked out of nowhere, interested in hearing Ella’s input, but mostly just looking for a quick and easy laugh. One at the expense of someone who wasn’t himself.

“Lucius and I.” She said without much thought. “Though Cyrus and I were equally as laughable if not more. That someone looked at him and thought that he would be a suitable match for me. Good blood or not, Cyrus was not the pinnacle of Pureblood breeding.” She said with a laugh. “What about you? Who is your worst match?”

“I would never willingly part with that kind of information unless given the right motivation.” And given the fact that it wasn’t even helpful information, he’d forget this part of the conversation almost immediately. Lucius only cared about manners, and secrets that he could lord over other people to better situate himself and his family. That was the game. That had always been the game. “This is where I take my leave of you. I believe I owe Narcissa a dance.”

Emmeline laughed, not at the fact it was amusing but more at the fact it wasn’t. “Well, it’s a great conversation.” Emmeline had never met someone who could easily annoy her like this woman but maybe that had been her game all along; get Emmeline all riled up for entertainment purposes. She wouldn’t be the first person to do that.

Ella grinned at the wixen’s humorless laugh. “Isn’t it?” She said, though it wasn’t a real question, Ella didn’t care one way or the other what the answer was. She’d instigated to the point of irritation and all in all, she was growing bored and done with the conversation. Standing, she gave the girl one last smile. “Have a lovely day.” She said, taking her leave.

“Actually I don’t have to explain myself to you,” Emmeline didn’t know what was going on or if this other woman had a problem woth her but she was past caring now, “But if I was, what’s it to you?”

Ella grinned at the womans bark. She always appreciated someone who could stand up for themselves rather than stand back and take it. “Just making conversation.” Ella said easily— she was after all simply looking for a way to cure her boredom, and this woman’s thinning patience was doing just the trick.

“You’ve made a fine point, Ella. One that seems almost particularly pointed given the amount of people here that give to charity.” That hosted balls. That had buildings named in their honor. Where money was involved, selflessness could never truly lie. But what did Lucius care? He didn’t need anyone to believe he was a bleeding heart. Just strong. 

Ella simply smiled knowingly. She wasn’t blind to the things that went on in pureblood society that some might think indecent for a lady. In fact Ella was keenly aware of what went on. Information was power and Ella had always dreamed of having both. Though given her current companion she ought be careful about what she said. Feigning a pout, “You’re not going to tell on me are you, Luscious?”

He loved his family. He loved his parents. Regulus loved Narcissa above all. But he wondered if any of them had anything else on their minds besides war and marriage. Didn’t they have dreams for something else? Something new? A way of life that wasn’t always, at all times, on the extremes? Regulus didn’t think a gray spaced even existed in their society. Only ever right and wrong.

“I wonder if they ever discuss anything else other than marriage and children. I’d be surprised to hear otherwise.” His hands grasped firmly with his friend’s, never nervous about dancing. He was good at it.

Ella could tell there were thoughts swirling around Regulus’ head. Unasked questions. Whether they were unasked for the sake of propriety, because he didn’t know how to ask, or because he simply didn’t want an answer could be up for debate all she wanted, but she was not uncomfortable with their silence. Things with Regulus were always easy and she truly enjoyed his company and his friendship. 

“I’m sure they discuss the latest thing they’re husbands have done to uphold or raise status, but other than that I’m sure you’re right. Who should marry whom? When are they going to have children? Did you hear what so and so did. What a disgrace.” Ella shook her head at the nonsense as Regulus lead her in a dance.

Relief. It swept over him like a warm summer evening, quelling all of the previous anxieties that had built up. These last few months had taught him that he could rely on Ella for these things. That even without Narcissa, there was someone else in his corner, ready and willing to help. Loneliness was, in many cases, a figment, one created out of insecurity. Here was his chance to salvage the evening and his nerves.

“Thank you. Really. I couldn’t be bothered to ask someone else, and if I didn’t dance, I’d be paired up immediately.”

The rigidity and anxious demeanor that Regulus held himself in slowly relaxed into something of a relief and Ella felt warm knowing that she had helped her friend find some sense of comfort in such an over-the-top party. She could understand where he was coming from. Being amid so many people who didn’t actually have your best interests at heart. You had to be careful. 

“You and I both.” She nodded. “I’m sure these old biddies are just itching to pair me off again since calling off my engagement.”

“Ah, I have always had a fondness for those unwilling to share.” Maybe that was why he didn’t mind Ella’s company. A friendship that was tentative, and unsure, but surprised him all the same. “There’s nothing worse than people playing at being selfless. We all know, that at the center of our hearts, we just want to take.”

“Even the so-called selfless aren’t accurately named, if they lead you to believe they don’t get off on the praise and notoriety, they’re liars. You know it, I know it, and they know it.” Ella said with a grin, pouring herself a flute of champagne. Straight from the bottle reserved for moments with D.W. only.

“Sometimes I don’t like to sugarcoat things. Nothing wrong with that,” she shrugged, “I think you’ll find I’m the furthest thing from that.”

“Someone’s touchy. A bit on the righteous side are you?”