meet me in the town

“Do dishes” and “take out trash” both require the use of a spell slot, vs “use phone” is a cantrip, and brother, I am a level one wizard

i think the scientology speedrunners should start visiting the hospital mitch mcconnell is supposed to be in. i think it would be enriching for them

It's summer BBQ time and I am once again experiencing the medieval joy of Putting Some Shit Over A Fire

i think "turning into a pumpkin" is my new favorite way to articulate the state of things when I am at a function and very overstimulated and it feels like my brain is melting. it's like no i can't be a person anymore i have to leave i'm turning into the pumpkin. the time is up yeah i gotta go. yeah see u later. pumpkin time.

there's something so perverse about phones automatically capitalizing brands. don't make me put respect on youtube's name.

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

all women deserve a little treat (glowing eyes and the ability to levitate)

Sick list of symptoms bro. Now try humanizing your behavior instead of pathologizing it.

If you run over someone's foot with your wheelchair you still apologise

Let's all send our highest energies to the people in charge of cleaning up the accident that closed the road I take home, bc I really, REALLY do NOT want to have to figure out an alternate route

Great work everyone, they reopened the road right before I left work

Haven’t posted about plastic in a minute. Rest assured, I am still hard at work eating all plastic on earth