i mean if yâall switch rps at least tell me bc i am emotionally invested in you guys and i love you and youâre gone and a piece of me is missing ok bye
you lil shit
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@eli-steele
i mean if yâall switch rps at least tell me bc i am emotionally invested in you guys and i love you and youâre gone and a piece of me is missing ok bye
you lil shit

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Dreams and Disasters || Maddie & Eli
Madeline would have prefered for Eli to continue to yell at her, all the harsh words and accusations he could possibly think to throw her way would have never hurt as much as hearing him tell her to go to this school in the cold, distant tone he used. âIs that really what you want?â she questioned, her voice faltering slightly as she folded her arms across her chest as if to make a protective barrier between him and the words he spoke. Taking in a deep breath, she looked up at the ceiling to cover up the quivering exhale that followed, the tingling sensation building up behind her eyes. It went unspoken, but they both knew what accepting this offer would mean; in the fall she would pack up her life here in North Carolina to travel to New York to further her education, leaving the life she knew behind- leaving him behind. He wasnât listening to her, he was choosing which words of her explanation to focus on, ignoring the parts she needed him to hear the most. Blonde curls swaying back and forth as she shook her head no, dropping her hands back to her sides, becoming indignant due to his refusal to see things from her position, even just for a moment. âYou know what, donât answer that,â the anger in her own voice became evident while stopping him before he responded, fearing his reply would break her heart more than his words already had.Â
Biting her lip and looking down at the carpeted floor she stood on, Madeline wondered why she had even left that letter there for so long when it had became obvious that her father wouldnât be finding it in the near future, now Eli had found it and it was beginning to drive a division between them before she could even explain the situation fully. âI mustâve read that letter a hundred times over in the days following its arrival, the words on the page never changed and the feeling I had while reading it didnât change either.â  For years this University had been the one Maddie had hoped to be accepted into, but when she finally read the letter stating that she in fact had been she expected to be happier, but that feeling never came. Leaving this oceanside town for the crowded streets up north had once been the future she saw for herself, it wasnât the one she saw now, though. âI mailed my decision letter to them weeks ago⌠Thanking them for their consideration of my application and for ultimately accepting me into their school, but informing them of my decision to decline their offer. This choice was of my own accord, if I told you and then sent the letter I knew you would believe that you influenced my decision in someway, and I didnât want that thought plaguing your mind with everything else going on in your life. So Iâm sorry for trying to give you one less thing to worry about.â
An exhausted sigh passed between her lips as her arm fell back down to her side after running her fingers through her hair out of  frustration. Even imagining a future without Eli in it pained her, with how easily he had told her to leave for college, though, she was no longer sure if he felt the same. Glancing around the room to keep her eyes off of his reaction, the coffee table that had been covered in books now only held her own and the pizza that remained untouched, and after this argument her appetite was no longer present. All she wanted to do in this moment is crawl into her bed upstairs and let the tears she has been holding back fall, wondering for the first time since she sent that letter if it had been the right choice. âIâŚIâm tired. You were leaving anyway, you know where the spare key is so you can just let yourself out,â she said quietly, the lump that had grown in her throat making it hard to speak. Turning for the doorway that led to her stairs without another word, the first tears began to fall once a few feet of distance was placed between herself and him.Â
Eli wanted to say "No." He wanted to take all of his words back, to beg Maddie to stay with him because he needed her and because he loved her and because he couldn't imagine his life without her anymore. He wanted her to know that she had slowly begun meaning everything to him and that he'd do whatever it took to still be with her. For the longest time, even before this day, he had even thought about telling her that he'd go with her if she wanted to attend a school out of town, not caring if he had to put her future and needs in front of his own just as long as they'd be together. But right now, all of that was overshadowed by the anger that consumed him from feeling like she wasn't really his, like a part of her constantly wanted to break free and leave him. Repeated betrayal, continuous uncertainty. That was what he felt. In situations like this one: angry, hurt, powerless and bitter, but at the same time distant, emotionless and cold, like he really didn't want to feel anything at all. Like all of this wouldn't make him this miserable if he didn't love her so much he could hardly breathe when he saw her this upset, knowing that he had been the one to make her feel this way. All that escaped from his mouth was an incomprehensible sound that most of all sounded like a sigh and a drawn out "I...", and then she told him not to answer so instead, Eli kept quiet.
Regret started replacing his anger once Maddie explained her situation even further when Eli had been sure there was nothing left to explain. Suddenly he was the who should be apologizing. Suddenly, he was the bad guy. Again. He felt about two inches tall, like the worst person in the world, and all of that was even before he saw her eyes watering up. Then the last muscle in his body turned from being on infuriated fire to its previous sore, tired normalcy. He let her walk away while her words sunk in, but the space between them only seemed to worsen the bad feeling that grew inside of him, pulling him down like quicksand. "Why didn't you start with that?" he said softly, almost quietly, the hint of a chuckle in the shadow of the simple sentence. His feet took slow steps toward her, giving her time to tell him to stop if she didn't want him to come any closer. Not that he'd obey her if she did. He felt a force pulling him toward her, an overwhelming desire to hold her close and try to make her believe that everything would be alright, that he was there and that they'd get through all of these obstacles life threw in front of them together, obviously not letting them plan a future with each other willingly.
"Madeline..." he said, using her full name for the first time in over six months. He took the last two steps toward her swiftly. The second after she had turned around, his lips collided with hers in an immediately intense kiss that reminded Eli of nostalgia and nights on top of hills and taking breaks from babysitting. At first, he was taken aback when he felt a pleasant sort of shiver run up his spine that he prayed to God he'd never go this long without experiencing ever again. He had felt withdrawn and disengaged for so long, still kissing Maddie almost only because he knew they'd probably be having much worse problems if he didn't. All passion between them had reached a standstill, and Eli almost felt ashamed when he thought of how excruciatingly chaste all of their kisses had been lately, stopping any displays of affection that were several minutes away from even reaching a solid PG rating all because of his sudden disinterest in all of the things he had previously lived for. Now was different, though. One kiss lead to him wanting two more, and so his craving for her rose exponentially with the speed of a rocket ship. He didn't know what to say, so he just dug his hands up from his pockets and placed them lightly on the small of her back and hoped she knew how to figure out what he tried letting her know.
Dreams and Disasters || Maddie & Eli
The letter had never been intended for Eliâs eyes, having placed it in plain sight in her kitchen simply in hopes of her dad finding it while brewing coffee one morning; it remained there waiting to be found, only now it had been found by the wrong male in Madelineâs life. The reaction he gave to her touch had been expected, it didnât hurt any less when he pulled his hands away from her touch, though, her arms falling to her sides helplessly. Pulling the fabric of her sleeves down over her hands, she nervously fidgeted with the material while she spoke. Witnessing him packing his notebooks, books and pencils into his school bag made her talk quickly, fearing he would leave before she had the opportunity to justify why she had kept the knowledge of the acceptance letter to herself. Her thoughts were everywhere, though, unsure of what exactly to say to get him to stay. It had been a mistake keeping this information from him, Madeline knew that, but she had still decided to let him go by unaware believing it was the better option. Him finding out about New York had never been the plan, nevertheless he knew now.
Madeline deserved his anger, she herself had done the same merely weeks ago when finding the sleeping pills he had kept from her, now their roles were reversed. The more he spoke the angrier he became, and by the time he had finished he had been full on yelling at her, leaving her to try and defend herself and her actions. âEverything I said that night had been the truth, which colleges I was looking into should have been apart of that conversation, I realize that. At the time, though, months remained in between when I would ultimately have to make a decision, I didnât see a reason to talk about places who may not even accept me.â It was all said and done, there was no way for her to go back to that night on the hill where they had discussed the possibilities of their futures, all she had was now. âEli, you know I wouldnât keep something like this from you without a legitimate reason. Give me the chance to explain before you leave here angry with me,â she pleaded, knowing he was hurt by having to find out about this on his own. Waiting, when he didnât continuing packing his bag she continued on with hesitation in her voice, staying in the same spot she stood fearing he would pull away again if she tried again. âWhen I got that letter in the mailâŚI honestly didnât know what to think. All I knew is that it had always been the University I wanted to go to, knowing that being in their program it was a sure way to have a successful career in my field. That was before I had a person come into my life who I would do absolutely anything to keep in it⌠The only future I see for myself has you in it.â
"I'm just so sick of you leaving me all the damn time," Eli continued after Maddie had reconfirmed that nothing she had told him had been lies, his voice practically shaking from how frustrated he was. He knew she had meant it when she agreed to trying every possible thing so they could stay together, but he also knew that sometimes minds changed and that this wouldn't be the first time. When it came down to it, though, both of them had promised the other that they would stay and now Eli didn't know if she even intended on keeping that promise. Only half-listening to the next thing she said, Eli looked at Maddie with skepticism and tried getting his temper to cool down. He knew half the anger he felt wasn't caused by her, noticing lately that whenever his temper flared up it was aggravated by his fragile state of mind and thoughts that circled around the same four or five things all of the time, but he couldn't help but take it out on her no matter how badly he wanted to keep it in. After evaluating his options for a second, Eli sighed heavily and forgot about leaving for a moment so he could hear at least part of her explanation. "Fine," he said and threw the highlighter into the bag, hiding his hands in the front pockets of his pants. Biting his lip, he felt even worse once she had explained why she even applied in the first place. He knew it was selfish of him to ask her to give up something like this, and deep down he didn't want to. Who said that they would still be together even a month from now? Nothing was certain, but if Maddie went to New York and got the education she had always dreamed of, she'd end up doing what made her happy for the rest of her life without a doubt. Who knew, maybe she would even meet someone else if she gave up her relationship with Eli and she'd be perfectly happy with him instead. Someone better. Who was he to keep her from all that?
"So you should go," he said at last, ignoring her last few sentences. "If you don't you'll end up regretting it and I don't want to be responsible for that." Even though his anger was still evident, he spoke in a cold tone this time rather than his previous infuriated one. "I'm not going to force you to stay." He wanted her to stay, but that was beside the point and there were a lot of conditions. Number one: If she didn't want to stay, he didn't want that, either. Number two: He didn't want her to be giving up her whole life just to be close to him. In some ways, the future really was more important than here and now, and this was one of them. Third, and finally, Eli didn't want to fight about her faithfulness and dedication to him anymore. Either she was with him or she wasn't. He thought he knew exactly which one of those two was the case, but right now he wasn't so sure and he was sick of doubting it.
Dreams and Disasters || Maddie & Eli
Walking back down the hall to where they were studying, the smell of the pizza in her hands filled her nose, making her even hungrier than she already had been when calling for take out half an hour ago. Disappointed to not find Eli waiting on the couch with the plates, wanting more than anything to just grab a slice of the pizza that was taunting her with its smell, she abandoned the box on the table so she could follow after him into the kitchen. Figuring he had forgotten where they kept their dinnerware, since out of the two of their houses his was the one they spent most of their evenings together in, she reminded him of their location as she walked through the door and towards the refrigerator. Rummaging through its contents to find beverages for the pair, she was just about to ask what he would prefer to drink when his own words cut her off. Eyebrows raised in confusion she turned away from the refrigerator to look at him instead, one hand still gripped around the handle. His back was facing her, his body shielding whatever it was he was looking at so Madeline was clueless as to why his mood had seemed to change so suddenly; that was until he turned around, the large white envelope she had placed on the counter in hopes of her dad spotting it in Eliâs hands instead.Â
Madeline could feel the blood draining from her face as she stood frozen against the counter, never expecting for Eli to find the acceptance letter addressed to her from a college in New York, located hundreds of miles from where they stood now. The letter had arrived a few weeks ago, the only person who knew of the contents was herself, even her dad remained unaware that she had been accepted into the college he was an alumni of. But, Eli now knew and she could only guess the thoughts running through his mind. Before she could speak, to try and explain why she hadnât told him, she was cut off again. His words cut her like a knife, and instead of defending herself she stood there silently knowing he had a right to be angry with her. âEli,â she said quietly as he passed, the envelope he had handed her feeling like a ten pound weight in her hands. He didnât stop, though, so tossing the letter onto the counter opposite of her she followed after him. âEli, please let me explainâ. Walking quickly to catch up to him, she grabbed one of his hands even though she had a feeling he would pull away from her touch. âItâs one of the best schools in the country for Journalism, when I had applied I honestly didnât expect to get accepted. Itâs the same University my dad went to years back, I had applied in the fall for him.â She spoke quickly, unsure on if he was even listening to her explanation or if he even cared what she had to say.Â
Taking large steps, Eli headed back toward the living room to start packing his books, highlighters and pencils as quickly as possible. "Don't even bother," he warned Maddie as he approached the coffee table when she asked for him to let her explain why she hadn't told him yet, only half aware of the fact that she was walking a few feet behind him. Once he felt her fingers wrap around his he realized it, though, and as a reflex pulled his hands back within seconds of feeling her touch. Not in a particularly mad or furious manner, just ... cold. He did feel angry, though. She knew that he needed her to stay here, and she had been lecturing him about honesty after finding out about his problems before he had told her, so why was she keeping something like this from him? When it came down to it, he didn't know if he was more betrayed because she hadn't told him or because she had considered leaving. He wanted to know if she was going or not, or if she was still undecided, but now just didn't feel like the right time to ask.
"I don't care about the reasons why you applied," he seethed, shoving a textbook down his schoolbag. Learning that she had kept it from him since autumn definitely didn't make him feel like calming down. "I care about the fact that you didn't tell me for half a year when you were so quick to start preaching about honesty when you found out I had been taking sleeping pills. We spent hours talking about the future on that hill months ago and you just forgot that you had applied to a college in New York while we were agreeing to make sacrifices for each other so we could stay together?" Barely taking a breath while he talked, his voice reaching decibels that would rather classify his tone as yelling toward the last sentence, Eli ex- and inhaled heavily once he was done, his chest rising and falling while he bit the middle of his lip to keep words he'd regret from spilling out his mouth. His hands had stopped moving his things around, leaving him standing there with his fingers wrapped around a single yellow highlighter and limp arms hanging down his sides. In some ways, he understood why she had applied to this school, wanting her father to be proud of her since she'd be going to the school he had graduated from many years ago, and he knew that she was desperate for his love and approval now that the two of them had grown distant after Maddie's parents had divorced each other, and all of that was understandable to him. But he still couldn't seem to shake how scared he suddenly was of her leaving right when he needed her the most, thinking that without a doubt, he would've included her in the entire thought and application process if the roles were reversed. And frankly, finding out that she hadn't taken the time to do this for him hurt a lot.

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Dreams and Disasters || Maddie & Eli
Nodding along as he answered her questions, Madeline noticed how his demeanor changed as he spoke; for the first time in weeks, the excitement was evident in his tone and the genuine smile she had fallen in love with had finally made an appearance across his lips. Â With a smile of her own, she continued- calmly- with questions swirling around in her mind, wondering if he had informed his parents of his decision, if he knew which grade level he ultimately wanted to teach, anything at all to keep him talking and the smile on his face. Since his search for a college hadnât began, she explained to him about some colleges she had been recommended by the guidance counselor of their school a few months back, most having exceptional English departments that he may want to look into. âBefore you leave, remind me to check to see if I still have the brochures on my desk. If I didnât throw them away while cleaning a few days back they should still be there,â she said as a reminder to herself and him. Out of all the planning for the future Maddie has done herself, choosing which college to apply for had been one of the hardest aspects of it all, the options seeming endless to a girl who wanted to fulfill her dream of turning her passion for writing into a career. And when the letters from them began to come in the mail, the anxiety of it all began to kick in, knowing sooner or later she would need to make a decision on where she wanted to go. For now, though, she still had time so she had put it to the back of her mind, at least until she officially graduated from high school.Â
At some point in their conversation, her hand had became last with one of his, and now she brought it up to her lips to kiss the back of his hand right below the knuckles. âItâs a reassuring feeling when you have a clearer picture of the future in your mind, isnât it?â she asked, knowing the uncertainty of his life after high school had probably been weighing heavily in his mind, contributing to his stress, but now things were finally were clearing for him even if only slightly. The sound of three swift knock on her wooden front door echoed through her house and to the living room, and with a quick glance at the clock she just now realized how long they had been talking for. âIâll go get that, do you mind grabbing some plates from the kitchen so we can eat out here, and hopefully, but highly unlikely, focus on studying again.â Â Forcing herself from the soft confines of the couch, she went to retrieve their takeout food while Eli gathered plates for them to eat on. The quick exchange of money later, Madeline returned to the living room with the cardboard box that held their pizza, only to find the room empty. Shoving the papers aside to make room for the box, she placed it on the coffee table before venturing into the kitchen after him, and to grab something to drink. âThe plates are in the farthest cabinet to the left if youâve forgotten.â
It turned out talking about his plans for the future actually made Eli even more excited for it than he already was instead of making hopelessness spread from his mind and throughout his entire body, and this new feeling of knowing exactly what it was you wanted to do and knowing that you weren't wasting your time doing something that was only going to lead you nowhere felt so refreshing to him that he actually completely forgot all about sleep deprivation and sore muscles and stress and depression for a minute. Answering Maddie's questions to the best of his abilities, Eli realized that there were still a lot of things that needed to be settled, but just knowing that he was on the right track made everything else seem so trivial in comparison. He replied to her last statement with a grateful sigh and a light "Yeah," before watching her get up from her seat to open the door for the delivery guy. After sitting for a few moments, he got up and walked into the kitchen to get plates and glasses for the two of them. Headed toward the cupboard he knew housed bowls and dinner plates, something caught Eli's eye and made him stop in his tracks halfway toward the spot he was originally approaching: a large white envelope shoved behind a plant on the counter that only covered about half of it. Immediately, he got an idea of what it must've contained, so he changed directions and walked to the plant instead, reaching behind it while he heard Maddie greet the pizza guy. Turning the envelope over, Eli looked for the return address on the previously opened letter casing and felt his heart drop in his chest when he found it, confirming his suspicions.
Eli didn't turn around when he heard Maddie enter the room, frozen in his spot with his back to her and his fingers itching to open the acceptance letter even though he knew it was really none of his business, which Maddie seemed to think so, too, since she hadn't even told him she was applying for any colleges, let alone got accepted into one. "Nah, I didn't forget," he replied quietly, still with his back to her. "Kinda seems like you did, though." Turning around, he waved the envelope back and forth slightly with his eyes staring intently at her. "Seriously? After all the crap you gave me for not telling you about this whole stress thing?" he began with a disbelieving look on his face, the white pieces of paper practically burning his fingers. Walking toward Maddie and the exit of her kitchen, he handed her the envelope just as he passed her on his way out. "Don't you win the Hypocrite of the Year award."
Dreams and Disasters || Maddie & Eli
Finishing their order with an additional side order of breadsticks, the worker gave her the the total and informed her that they would arrive within a twenty five to thirty minute time frame. Abandoning her phone on the armrest closest to her, instead of grabbing the notebook she had in her hands moments ago she rested her head against the cushions that lined the back of the couch, postponing her study for a short while. The small amount of free time Madeline did have had turned into time being spent with one of her many textbooks in hand, refreshing herself on the course material that she would be tested on in just a few weeks. This was the end, though, these exams marked the end of the school year, and for seniors like Eli and herself it marked the end of their high school career. She just need to push herself through these final days and it would all be over. The only sound in her living room had been the music she had put on for background noise, unable to stand the silence even while she studied. His voice made her turn her head towards him, voicing a soft âhmmâ, giving him the go ahead to continue with his question. No presumptions on what he may ask entered her mind, the he words he did speak, though, werenât ones she expected in the slightest.Â
The future had been a topic of conversation previously, discussing what may be in store for them as individuals and their relationship as a whole, but each time it had been brought up the recurring factor in Eliâs had been uncertainty on what he wanted to do with his life. This was the first time she heard of him talking of the possibility of going to college, knowing he had been having a difficult time deciding if it was the right option for him. Unlike him, Madeline had known from quite a while what she wanted to do beyond high school, her love of literature and writing converting into her wanting to study journalism; with Eli being a reader just like her, it was no wonder English was the field he was considering. âI wouldnât be able to think of anyone better for the job,â she said honestly, sitting up straighter on the couch. âWould you start this fall, or do you still want to take a year off to make sure this is what you want to do? When did you start to actually consider this as a possibility? Have you looked into any colleges?â. The curiosity she held was obvious by the round of questions she had started asking, them coming without pause. Mid question, though, she stopped after realizing the large amount she had already asked. Giving him an apologetic smile, she gave him the opportunity to answer before she continued.
All of this cramming for finals and the future suddenly getting close enough for Eli to practically being able to taste it, meant that thoughts of how he'd spend the next several years suddenly popped into his head in an almost organic way instead of him having to force himself into imagining what he'd want his life to be like in ten years from now, which turned out to be a pretty hard thing for Eli to do without anything pushing or guiding him. For almost a year, he hadn't been able to get to a conclusion when it came to the big 'future'-question, but now it finally seemed like he was getting close. Well, at least now he actually had an idea. The pressure of not knowing whether or not he was making the right decisions seemed to finally fade slightly, to Eli's great relief. Now, all he had to do was set the plan in motion.
Maddie's compliment made a smile creep up on his face, a great part of the insecurity and doubt he felt about the whole idea fading like a weight being lifted from his shoulders when he heard her say that it didn't sound completely crazy or like the absolute worst choice for him out of all of the possibilities they had to pick from. He'd been toying with the thought for some time now, trying to imagine himself in a classroom in front of a mixed crowd of either interested or completely bored high school students with the hope of inspiring and teaching them like his (regretfully) small pool of favorite teachers did him every single day. A few days earlier, he had talked to his own English teacher about it and suddenly it was as if everything clicked. Eli couldn't imagine himself doing anything else. Then what he had to do was tell his parents and Maddie, and everyone he told seemed enthusiastic about it, thankfully, now her included. Maddie's questions, though, wasn't something he had been able to prepare himself for, but luckily enough they were all ones that had circulated through his mind many times already as he tried figuring out the answers to them. Some loose ends had been tied up and others were still very much loose, but Eli just guessed that that was how it was. "I think take a year or half a year off, just to kind of sort my things together and earn money for tuition. I'm pretty sure this is what I wanna do, though," he started explaining, a smile appearing on his face as he saw the puzzle pieces of his life finally coming together in front of him. "A few weeks back, maybe? No colleges just yet." Finishing off with a slight shrug, Eli realized he hadn't been this happy for months. His future was coming together and Maddie was being supportive and finally he didn't feel like a lost cause or like his life was headed nowhere. Finally, it all had some sort of meaning.Â
Dreams and Disasters || Maddie & Eli
Unexpectedly catching Eliâs eyes with her own when glancing up from the notebook sat in her lap, a shy smile made an appearance across her features before she returned her attention to the Trigonometry notes written on the pages in front of her. Another week had passed, the amount of weeks that stood between them and graduation being reduced by one, and the days remaining to study for impending finals decreasing. Flashcards and textbooks had been added to their Friday night together, their time together now being used to make studying slightly more bearable with the presence of the other while they prepared for their exams in the upcoming weeks. Legs resting across Eliâs lap on her couch, his hand absentmindedly brushing across them made it hard to focus on the problems her teacher had assigned. Sliding the pencil in the spiral of her notebook, she stretched her arms above her head, letting out a long exhale while doing so. âCan we go back to the days when math problems involved numbers and nothing else,â she asked, tossing the packet of paper onto the coffee table, joining the other study material they both had laid upon the surface. Eyes having become sore from the extended amount of time staring down out the numbers and letters making up her math, she rubbed them gently, hoping the dull pain would vanish completely.
Curious to the time, Madeline turned her eyes to the clock hung above the wall opposite of her couch, the hands indicating only a hour had passed, though it seemed like an eternity. Reaching for her bag that rested against the legs of the table, without leaving the couch she rummaged through the contents and pulled her phone from it. âIâm starving,â she stated, scrolling through her contacts, various takeout numbers saved in it due to the frequency they ordered from them. Recently ordering Chinese, she chose one of the local pizza places without asking Eliâs opinion, him usually giving her the option of where they ordered from anyway. âIâd like to place an order for delivery,â speaking into the receiver she gave the guy on the line the information he asked for, listing off the toppings for half of the large pizza she was ordering. âWhat do you want on your half?â
Studying for finals on minimal sleep and with a million thoughts circling your mind at all times was far more hard than what Eli had expected. Well, actually he hadn't expected much at all. Finals week had seemed so far away the past month, but suddenly it all came too close for it to still be acceptable for him to keep ignoring it. Having Maddie there beside him made it all a bit more manageable, though, with their usual movie nights now turning into study dates instead. Their activities were suddenly incredibly dull, but both of them knew that they had to work hard with this being the end of their senior year and everything. Besides, it wasn't permanent. Once the summer began, all of this would be history, they just had to hang in there for a few more weeks and it'd all be over. This thought was the light at the end of Eli's tunnel, the only reason he kept going. That, and the fact that Madeline didn't seem to approve of all of the make out breaks he kept suggesting, demanding that they return to the books as if they were her beloved fairy tales and not yawn-inducing history, physics and biology books.
In fact, Eli had gotten better. His mood was nearing the positive side more and more these days despite the long hours he spent revising the curriculum for multiple mostly uninteresting classes. He didn't sleep any more than usual, though; all of the progress he had made with Maddie by his side so many nights ago seemed lost just as quickly as they had been gained. But he was alive and breathing and actually had the energy to get small tasks done nowadays, which still counted as progress in his mind.
Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed the blonde girl beside him putting the books aside for a minute and let himself break concentration as well, sinking further down into Maddie's soft couch. While she called the pizza place, he rubbed his eyes and stretched his arms over his head, the shirt he wore rising slightly until his hands tugged it back down. Answering her question with a quick "Whatever you're having's fine," he waited until she had finished the phone call and let his fingertips crawl under the edge of her jeans in the meantime, stroking the skin right above the spot her sock ended in absentmindedly. "I have a question," he said softly once the phone had been unglued from her ear. "If I told you I was thinking of maybe, possibly wanting to pursue the thought of becoming an English teacher sometime in the future, what would you say?"
wrapped up in darkness â maddie & eli
All Madeline needed was for someone to listen. Seeing the blank screen of her phone had brought back the emotions involving her father, and although she had wanted to keep her problems to herself while Eli sorted out his own, talking to him proved to be helpful. With his hand stroking hers and him providing as much insight into her situation as he could, she was grateful to have someone in her life who cared enough to allow her to simply vent when aspects of her life became too much to handle on her own. Ups and downs still occurred within their relationship, but Eli had become one of the only constants in her life even through rough times they both faced. Following after him, Maddie let herself relax against the headboard just as he did, letting her body focus on his comforting touch. âIâve never doubted that he loves me⌠But, when you love someone you are suppose to show it through your actions,â she said with closed eyes, her shoulders moving up and down while she took long, deep breaths. All she really wanted from her dad was for him to slow down his own personal life for a few moments, long enough for them to carry on a conversation that didnât end with him leaving again. Even the letters on their kitchen counter, where she had strategically placed them in hopes of his finding them had yet to be acknowledged, all sent from various colleges she had applied to.Â
Finally opening her eyes again she noticed Eliâs have been closed, as well. Though they had slept through the night, neither of them were fully rested from those few hours, the dark circles under his eyes were still the same dark shade they had been for weeks now. All they had done this morning was lounge around with food in front of the television, but Madeline felt exhausted, mainly emotionally after talking about her dad. Pulling at the covers they sat upon, she ventured underneath them and rested her head along the pillows. âCome here, you look worn out,â holding the edge of blanket open, inviting Eli to join her under them. Her fingers found his once he was settled beside her, hating any moment they werenât entangled with his. âIt may be impossible for you to catch up on all the hours of sleep you have missed in a single day, but there is no harm in tryingâ. Madeline may have her own problems to deal with, when she was with Eli though they didnât seem to matter as much. He continued to be her voice of reasoning through it all, and now she would be there for him until his issues were nonexistent- even when it was only to keep him company and sleep by his side in the middle of the day.
None of this was easy, but somehow, just by offering him her presence, Maddie made life a little less hard for Eli in the hours she spent by his side. Few other people would be as supportive as her, he realized, and this was how he knew that staying by her side and forgiving her for anything she might've done in her own defense throughout the months they had now spent being one of the most important parts of the other's life, not meaning to be hurting him in the meantime, was completely and utterly worth it. He didn't know how much it would help, but figuring that it was better than stubbornly staying up, Eli crawled under the covers slowly when Maddie was lying down, his muscles already starting to fail him once again. Slightly sore, the ache wasn't nearly as bad as it had been yesterday, but it was definitely still there. Once his body was lying horizontally on top of his soft mattress and the only thing in front of him was Maddie's calming eyes, though, a bit of all of the misery seemed to vanish as if into thin air. "At least you've got me," Eli offered with an apologetic smile and a soft squeeze of her hand, knowing very well that that didn't mean a lot these days. He felt damaged and broken and even slightly sedated in this apathetic, drowsy zombie-like state that seemed to be almost permanent by now, and he knew he wouldn't be of much use to her until he got at least a little better. She hadn't been scared off so far, so Eli only hoped that the worst was over because that was really the only reason he had to be optimistic of how this would all end when he was this sure that he wouldn't get anywhere if she left him.

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wrapped up in darkness â maddie & eli
Her actions would belie stated beliefs if she chose to dismiss his question, a true hypocrite when she had called him out on leading her to believe everything in his own life was alright for weeks before the truth had uncovered itself. The severity of their problems had no comparison which was why she hesitated to address her own, keeping Eliâs recovery above all before she even thought of worrying about her own issues. Fake smiles and brave faces never fooled him anymore, after being together for months she didnât know why she felt he would believe the cover ups she forced in hopes of him looking past them. In that time he had proved that she could confide in him, and as he reiterated that fact in hopes of her opening up to him about what exactly was plaguing her mind in this moment Madeline couldnât think of any reason not to, other than not wanting to give him another thing to worry about when so much was already there- the sole reason why she had yet to answer him. Worrying would happen regardless of if she told him or not, though, there was no hiding that there was something bothering her and lying would futile. There was only one option, the truth.
âThe high expectations I held my father to were proven to be unrealistic. Waking up to find out your daughter isnât in the bed she had been passed out in last night, or in the house at all, I assumed he would have tried to callâŚBut there was nothing, not even a text questioning where I am.â Explaining her change in mood Madeline felt ridiculous for caring so much that her dad hadnât taken the time to question her whereabouts. For all he knew she could have been kidnapped late into the night or had been held hostage for waking up in the middle of a robbery, both of which obvious werenât the case but were equally as plausible for her being absent in the morning. Finally turning her sights away from the blanket they had been locked on while she spoke, fearing that her eyes would have given away just how hurt she was by her fatherâs negligence, they locked with Eliâs. âHe probably just woke up late for work this morning and didnât have time to call and forgot to during the drive to the office,â she said, bringing her shoulders up into a small shrug. Lying to herself was better than admitting the truth; ever since her mom moved out he could care less as to what she did and when she did it, he was too wound up in his job and when it wasnât his work his free time was occupied with his girl friend. Madeline had been placed on the backburner to everything else in her dadâs life.Â
It turned out that thinking and talking about something other than his own issues was actually the best distraction available, but that didn't mean that Eli felt any less bad hearing about Maddie's problems with her dad and how he'd started lessening the amount of attention he gave her, oblivious to the fact that she still needed someone at home to care for her and look after her even though she was well on her way to being an independent adult. It was understandable enough if seeing his daughter every day now had a sentimental and nostalgic effect to it after divorcing the woman who had been his wife for so long and was still Madeline's mother, but no matter how many excuses Eli could think of to explain his negligence he still didn't feel like they would ever come close to justifying it. He had a feeling that wasn't what Maddie needed to hear right now, though, so instead he tried making sense of something he had little to no knowledge about at all. "You're seventeen. He probably knows you can take care of yourself just fine by now," he said and looked at her sympathetically, giving her hand a light squeeze. The only way in which he could relate to how she must've been feeling was how his own parents seemed to look past his needs and wishes just like Maddie's dad now was. They had pushed him and expected too much of him, believing that it'd help him get used to living on his own and all of the challenges and responsibilities that went along with it. But what they hadn't realized was that on top of the time he spent taking care of things for school and work, there wasn't much left in his reserves of energy for running errands, doing housework and watching his sister whenever they worked and couldn't do it themselves. And ultimately, all of that had led to him breaking down from the pressure, ending in the miserable state he now found himself in.
Untangling their hands, Eli let his arm wrap around her waist, fingertips running up and down her far side lightly once his arm was resting between her back and soft pillows. "You know he loves you. And he's got nothing to worry about anyway, so it's fine, right?" Moving toward her slowly, he rested his head against hers and leaned back against the headboard of his bed, closing his eyes for a moment. Lately, it seemed like every person close to the two of them only ever managed to disappoint Maddie and Eli â with the exception of the other. Their relationship was far from flaw free, but they were there for each other, and both of them knew that regardless of whether they were fighting or comforting each other like they sat in bed doing right at that moment. In some ways, Eli was convinced all he needed to get by was her. And surprisingly enough, that fact didn't really scare him the slightest bit.
I am beyond bored.
I brought my depressing music to listen to. Brian likes to call it that.
That's... sorta rude.
then they had sex the end
except eli just permanently cockblocked himself so like
bc depressed and 0 sex drive oh
âThis is what love does: It makes you want to rewrite the world. It makes you want to choose the characters, build the scenery, guide the plot. The person you love sits across from you, and you want to do everything in your power to make it possible, endlessly possible. AndâŚ
then they had sex the end
except eli just permanently cockblocked himself so like
I am beyond bored.
Someone save me.
Reading always helped me through quiet hours behind the register if you want tips on how to kill time. That, or Angry Birds.

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wrapped up in darkness â maddie & eli
âThis is what love does: It makes you want to rewrite the world. It makes you want to choose the characters, build the scenery, guide the plot. The person you love sits across from you, and you want to do everything in your power to make it possible, endlessly possible. And when itâs just the two of you, alone in a room, you can pretend that this is how it is, this is how it will be.â A quote from a book she had read in recent weeks filled her thoughts, a wandering mind ultimately leading her to those written words that described her scenario in this moment so well. Eli sitting astride her on the cushions of the couch, the two of them and no one else for the first time in possibly weeks, Madeline wanted to live in this moment for as long as possible not wanting to reenter the reality that was filled with his younger sister, coworkers and parents. So when he suggested they returned to bed for the remainder of the day, Madeline agreed happily, not caring what they did- or didnât- do with this time as long as they were together. Last nights impromptu call from him is what brought her here knowing just by the sound of his voice that he needed her, but even though it was mainly in part time him he isnât the only one who simply needs the company; which was why she never minded dropping whatever it was she was in the middle of, including sleeping, to be with him. Taking the time to return the kitchen to its original state before they had woken this morning, now clean plates and utensils placed back in their corresponded cabinets and drawers after Maddie had washed and Eli had dried, all evidence of breakfast being cooked was wiped clean. Pulling down the sleeves of his dress shirt she had to roll up in order to keep them dry while cleaning, she trailed behind him as they returned to the second story of his home, a few steps behind due to him taking two stairs at a time and her single strides.Â
Not immediately returning to the bed upon entering his room like Eli did, Madeline took the few extra steps to his dresser where the clothes she currently wore had been housed to grab her phone, expecting to have a missed call or message. Nothing was there, though. No call, no text, nothing from her father questioning her whereabouts after waking up to find her not in the bed she had originally fallen asleep in last night. By now, it should be what Madeline expects, ever since the divorce their father-daughter relationship never returned to normal. Seventeen, practically eighteen, and fully able to take care of herself, she felt neglected. Swallowing hard in attempt to clear the lump that had formed in her throat while looking down at the blank screen, it remained despite her efforts. âYou and me. Nothing and no one else,â she said, powering down the small piece of technology all together. Â She gave Eli a small, forced, smile while climbing back into the bed whose blankets were disheveled from them being in it only an hour or so prior. Exhaling deeply, she found comfort in the pressure of his hand in her own, giving him a genuine smile after focusing solely on the small form of contact instead of the thoughts in her mind. When finding out of the things he had kept hidden from her, Maddie had given Eli such a hard way to go about opening up with her, and now she was keeping her own problems to herself in order not to bother him with such trivial things in comparison to his own issues. Today wasnât the day to bring it up, this was their day to do and worry about absolutely nothing and that is what she planned to do.Â
As the day went on and hours ticked by, Eli felt himself getting continuously tired once again, although only little by little. He was already dreading the inevitable zombie-like state he would, undoubtedly, find himself in at the end of the day; the one he had gotten so used to being in lately that escaping it for even a few hours lightened his mood considerably, although seeing the obviously â at least to him â forced smile Maddie put on while approaching her spot in his bed, a sliver of his heart broke apart from the rest and the smile on his own face faded, only to be replaced by raised eyebrows and teeth biting the inside of his cheek. In all of his misery, he had forgotten that she had problems of her own and that her life didn't stop just because he was going through something he needed her help to get to the other side of. Even during obstacles and hard times, Eli didn't ever want their relationship to end up one-sided in any way imaginable, so he gave her hand a little extra squeeze and refrained from turning on the TV opposite his bed like he would've if he hadn't caught the sad look in her eyes while she tried putting on the brave face she was currently wearing for him. "What's wrong?" he asked softly once they sat side by side, his curiosity as to what she had just seen on her phone growing with every suggestion that popped into his head. "You can tell me."
Not knowing how else he could let her know that he'd listen if she had anything to say, Eli started stroking the back of her hand with his thumb and didn't let his eyes leave her. Even though he had spent the last few weeks justifying his secrecy with the 'it's for her own good' and 'she shouldn't worry'-excuses, he hoped she wouldn't use the same ones now with him. He might have a lot going on, but in Eli's world there was always room for whatever issues were on Maddie's mind. Maybe he needed saving right now, but that didn't mean he couldn't try fixing anything that was bothering her as well.  Every second he had spent without her since all of this had started seemed hazy and useless now, as if telling her earlier could've meant that his condition wouldn't have been as radical at this point if only he would've had some common sense mashed into him earlier on. Every now and then, Eli still kicked himself mentally for keeping anything at all from Maddie, so he hoped â for his sake as well as her own â that she wouldn't decide to keep secrets from him like he had her. It wasn't like he had any reason to expect for her to treat him differently than the way he had treated her, but he hoped she would learn from his mistakes and, in the process, help him see that honesty really was the best choice. Now he could see that trying to get to the other side of the depression that had ultimately caught up to him without involving her was stupid no matter how badly he wanted to shelter her from it, and it only made him hope that she'd let him at least try to help her with whatever was bothering her in the meantime.
midnight city â m83