CEASEFIRE

5 years ago (2019)

You’re fourteen and it’s the fourth summer that you’ve known of Steven Conklin’s existence. This time he’s into ‘among us’ streams instead of ‘prank’ channels like Brent Rivera and so forth (how you didn’t find him annoying back then is a mystery).

In one year you drastically changed the way you behaved around him, you’re trying to make a ‘mature’ impression. Only your best friend knew how much you had been practicing in hopes that Steven would actually pay attention to you this time.

You’re making it a point to show interest in the game he likes. You hesitantly sit on the beanbag beside him and try to settle as quietly as possible but the bag makes a slight grainy sound, Steven gives you a brief confused glance through his bangs then he's quick to ignore it. “Uh, hey Steven” you’re silently sweating in fear of the worst but this time you’re determined to go through with your plan, your ‘get Steven to like you’ plan. Steven flips his messy over grown black bangs, that probably every guy with a tiktok account his age has, before he looks up at you from his phone.

“You like Among Us?” You try to suppress your excitement as much as you can, you’ve got to be nonchalant so he can’t smell your desperation (and sweaty palms).

He whips his head back to his phone on his lap and his bangs are right back to curtain his eyes from you. “Mhm” you don’t only feel a wall of distance from his bangs but from his attitude too. “Cool, I like it too” You’re leaning towards his side so you can watch him play and Steven side glances at you when he feels your weight sink closer to him on the beanbag chair. You try to ignore him slightly scooching to lean in the opposite direction, “Yeah, so does everyone else”.

Your soft heart needed a break after that so you turned to look at who’d soothe it. “Hey Isabel, what’re you watching?”, her head turned so quick that what was once the top of her head was now her eyes staring at you through her glasses. “You can just call me Belly, (Name). I’m watching a movie, do you know the Kissing Booth?”.

Now hours have past since then, to say that this ridiculous movie has consumed your time was putting it simply. You didnt even like the male lead but your attention was stolen by the typical teen rom-com aspect of it.

“This is terrible” Belly says with the flattest voice you've ever heard from her. “I know” you're just as unenthusiastic but what typical girl wouldn’t find trash drama entertaining.

The two brothers were fighting and you couldn’t care why it even started, it's pure entertainment. Noa, or whatever, goes to hit or pin his brother down (you're not sure) but it brings a gasp out of you regardless. Pointless miscommunication, how amusing. Noa, gets in a car drastically short compared to his height and it's every bit of funny as it sounds when you just see him drive off with just his head and shoulders showing basically when he was ginormous just moments ago.

You're squealing in tears of laughter while Belly laughs so hard she nearly croaks. “What the hell is going on?” Steven’s looking at the two of you with raised brows and a scrunched nose of irratation. Belly deflates instantly dispite her teary eyes. “Get lost”.

“What? I have good reason to ask. Sounded like a sea gull trapped itself in the house”. “ I think its still here, sticking its big ass nose in our business”. You're just seated between this boarderline fight with popcorn in hand but you cant even enjoy it, your ‘I'm just a guest’ mode activates and what's most important to you right now is the color of the couch. “Chill out Belly, just keep your degrading voice down. Some of us want hearing in our old age”. You fidget your fingers on your lap and think ‘Wow, what a nice blanket they have’.

“You’re just mad you can’t have anyone willing to stand you or that annoying eboy haircut” You couldn’t help yourself when you let out a snort. “See! Even (Name) knows it", you hum as if you're getting rid of a scratch in your throat, this was the opposite of what you hoped for a few hours ago. “If you don’t like the noise, you can leave. It’s two against one.” she sassily pointed out towards an exit. Steven gets up without hesitation, “Thank god, now I can get your ringing voice out my ear”.

“At least mine isn’t cracking every second like yours!” Belly gets flipped off when Steven turns the corner. “F-! Ugh! I hope you die first every round!” after you’d witnessed all that, Belly sheepishly turned back to you with a smile much to your amusement.

“Can’t believe people would have a crush on him” she scoffs yet you’re panicking. “What?” You say a little too loudly, “Yeah! It just doesn’t make sense” Belly hadn’t noticed your ‘caught red-handed’ expression. Thank God she didn’t. You’re too embarrassed to admit that you wouldn’t mind putting up with her brother literally everyday even if you didn’t have to. Like if someone were to force you now, there'd be no hesitation, but that's irrelevant.

After a while had passed, you didn’t notice how dark it was outside until you were all called for dinner. You sat next to Belly and talked about all the other dumb scenes you re-watched an unhealthy amount of times till your lungs were breathless throughout dinner.

“Hey (Name) it’s getting late, do you want me to call your parents and tell them you’re sleeping over?” Laurel sweetly calls to you across the dinner table. She'd been glancing over at you and Belly going on about whatever you two were chatting about, it brought a smile seeing at least half the table be lively instead of the usual sneakily gaming under the table while eating food. But the night wasn't getting any younger. Belly answered before you could, “Oh My God, Yes!”. You both started going off in excitement as Conrad and Jeremiah’s mom, Susannah, made the call and the giggling and sqealing only got worse when she hung up, it was final that you’d be sleeping over.

“Wow you’re only having a sleepover when Belly’s here, we’ve been neighbors for years!” Jeremiah playfully quarrels with you, “Why would I sleep over with two guys?!” You counter argue with him.

“Yeah Jere, unless you… gasp! You like her~” Steven speaks as he steps down the stairs from behind you and you almost bump your back into him in surprise. “Whoa, jumpy. I won't bite you” he whispers beside you, his hands gently placed on your shoulders to guide you back where you were and wow you’re not sure how you’re still standing.

“Yeah, maybe that’s what you want her over for~” Belly leans on your shoulder to teasingly hum in your ear and you poke her cheek in defense. “Ugh come on Belly not you too!” Jere sulks towards the siblings beside you.

“No guys, I know who he actually likes” Then you start to say the letters of their name slowly. You’d only ever seen Jeremiah move so fast at sports days, and in under five seconds he was hurriedly shushing you with his hand and you were laughing so hard trying to get out of his hold. “HEY HEY HEY HEY, now I never told you that in confidence!”. Everyone’s egging you and him on to share but the noise is already getting on the mom’s nerves. “Shut up and watch a movie!” Susannah’s voice could be heard from the poolside, and a quieter “please” was heard from Laurel shortly after.

Somehow you had convinced everyone to watch Despicable Me 2 (the best one in your opinion), you last saw it when you were eleven, but you remember really liking it for some reason. And you realized why when you got to see Margo’s love interest make the best dramatic entrance.

There was no doubt your younger self had a crush on that boy, the fountain scene played in your brain rent-free back then. But what caught your attention was how similarly styled his hair was… to Steven. It made you die from laughter inside. And you could feel vibrating giggles beside you from Belly, probably thinking the same thing. His hair flip took you back to when Steven did the same early today. You really had a type, and maybe you might’ve started liking Antonio because he reminded you of so much of the boy from the other side of the road who'd shake up your heart every summer.

You watched as he swooped in at the last second to spin her away from tripping into the fountain. “WOAH WHAT?!” Conrad is baffled probably at the absurdity of it, “My man!” Jeremiah was loud-slow clapping like some dad. “Isn’t he like ten?!” Steven interjects, “His character’s actually twelve” You correct (without thinking about how embarrassing that was to know).

“The fact you know his age” Conrad gives you a knowing look, so you pursed your lips and made a zipping motion. “Twelve and he’s sweeping girls’ feet like this” Jere is unfortunately impressed. “Don’t take notes Jere, that won’t work on her” Belly quickly shuts him down to everyone’s favor. “It worked on (Name), she remembered his age and everything”, defensively you add “I was 11-ish, I’ve grown”.

“Why’s he look like a douche” Steven leans over from his spot closest to the TV to point out Antonio’s face. Belly predicts for him “Cause he is”.

You can’t help but to see the resemblance between the boy mocking your old childhood crush. “But Steven he kinda looks like you” Steven freezes in his mimicked pose at your words and everyone else starts losing it. It was a bomb waiting to happen.

Belly lets out practically a scream of laughter and she breaks down onto the floor. Conrad elbows his knees with his head in one hand and his glasses in the other while his hunched back heaves from laughter. Jeremiah leaned back with his hands over his eyes and not a sound came out of his shaking figure but after a deep breath in he let out the loudest laugh as he slowly slid down the couch to meet Belly on the floor.

Steven’s fully given up on the pose and he looks at you with no amusement at all, you’re sat still and your lips pursed after seeing everyone’s reactions to your innocent words. Steven was deadpanned glaring at everyone else, “Get up, all of you. It’s not comedy gold”.

“Bu-ut, it I-hisss!” Belly takes off her glasses as she’s full-on crying from how hard she’s laughing with her face burning red. You’re noticing that it wasn’t only her laughing herself red.

They’d try to calm down but when Conrad would wheeze from Belly’s snort and then Jeremiah would burst out laughing from both their noises, it seemed unlikely that they’d stop soon. You were trying really hard to stay loyal to Steven, and he kept glaring at you to see if you’d break.

“And she sa-haid it so ni-ha-cely t-oo” Jeremiah tried to wipe away at his eyes, but he’d wheezed again, and the cycle would continue. “Come on guys that’s not what I meant” You pull Belly and Jere back up. Steven gives you a disbelieving look, “Really, I’m sorry Steven”. He takes one more look at your sorry expression and scoffs but you swear you saw it end with a smirk as he turned back to the screen to unpause. And the movie continued, but it felt like Steven lost some of his spark to mess around, and you felt bad. Especially when Antonio got freeze-rayed and Steven got a second round of getting picked on.

“Aww, your twin Stevie.” Belly fakes a pout. “Gru is a great father, I wouldn’t trust you near my daughter either Steven” Conrad adds, and he smiles at Belly when she leans forward laughing. Steven barely spares them his attention and just takes Belly’s popcorn while she’s busy listening to Conrad build on his joke, making sure to roll his eyes as she giggles away at him.

“That chip hat thing is genius. I need that at my next birthday” Jeremiah had been raving about that detail ever since he saw it, “It’s cool but imagine the hair on that thing. And this scene is a kid's party so there’s definitely lice” You turn to Jere to share your argument but he’s confident in the chip hat’s design.

“Well then you’d wear a hair net” he proudly states but you’ve debated this with your best friend before and you have a few counterpoints in your back pocket from when you first watched the film. “Well in the movie they aren’t, and also, when the rim of the chip is all finished the guacamole would just spill” Jere stops eating his popcorn and sets it down in a very dramatically slow manner, as if he's drawing a sword for duel.

“Ok, we’re getting serious… First of all, those kids aren't real so they can’t get lice. Second, The chip hat has a pretty big rim so it’ll last but if it doesn't you can just break off the center” Jere sassily picks up his popcorn and pops a piece into his mouth while keeping eye-contact with you, but you already knew he’d say something stupid like that and it can only make you smirk.

“Ok sure, but what's the point of a hat if there's no center for your head. It would crack without the top and the hat would either slide down your head and land on your shoulders or it’d just break in half and land on the floor” Jere stops mid-chewing to consider your words, “Bu-”.

“Let's say it still keeps its shape, if you finish the center you’d get guacamole on your head even with your hypothetical hair net”. Jere gapes his jaw for five seconds until he starts trying to defend the fictional hat, “Ok… well, we could just…It’s not about the practicality it’s about the imagination” he sulks at you and cradles his popcorn.

“It’s a waste of food, a mess to your hair, and was set to fail from the beginning. What’s the point of having the hat if it doesn't work?” You’re having fun with this useless debate and Jere’s competitiveness reminds you so much of your best friend that you can’t help but press his buttons. “In Gru’s universe, I’m sure that wouldn’t happen…” Jere meets your determined gaze, you know he’s just pulling at straws (just like your friend would).

“An-”,

“And, why’s that?” You're interrupted and you're contain the urge to whip your head to Steven in surprise. Steven had been sitting on a floor cushion unlike the rest of you sitting on the couch (he probably did this in protest of everyone teasing him), and he had been sitting and leaning against the left arm of the couch beside Conrad. But in your petty debate, you didn't notice him watching you from behind then slowly making his way to sit in front of the middle of the couch, right beside you. Not only was he taking your side in this argument, but he took to your side physically.

“Jere, go ahead and explain to us” he’s leaned his arm between you and Belly in the middle of the couch, while you're facing Jeremiah and away from Belly so essentially by your bum.

Your fourteen-year-old self was holding all her senses and heart back while they were threatening to burst. “The hat works cause Antonio’s dad is rich and he’d probably have the best chip hat makers on-sight to fix the hats” Jere pretends to drop a mic on Steven’s face. “So, you’re agreeing that the hats are useless?” Steven comes in to fight a battle that you don’t even care about anymore cause he’s basically having his arm wrapped around your waist (bit of a stretch).

Your brain freezes while looking at him come to your side like this, and it feels like he’s getting closer each time he lands a blow to Jeremiah’s chip hat dreams. “No! Wait- I meant that Antonio’s dad would have trained professionals to make it unbreakable” Jere’s mostly focusing all his irritation on Steven who just stares at him with a small smirk “How’d they eat the hat if it’s unbreakable?”, “The chefs would figure it out?”. You just watch the two go head-to-head, spacing out now and then when you feel Steven’s warm arm and shoulder brush against your hip as he tries to provoke Jeremiah.

“You know what! You guys are taking a movie that has minions in it too seriously!” Jeremiah pops some popcorn into his mouth and tries to redirect the conversation. “I’ll take your side Jere” Belly giggles from behind you. Making you and Steven whip your heads to her in betrayal.

“Team chip-hat!” the two lean over you to double high-five, you and Steven just share a look of disgust. “No, Belly” you disapprovingly shake your head and separate their hands. “Dumbest team” Steven sends judgmental looks between them, “Conrad?” he turns to his last resort.

“Yeah, Conrad?” Belly repeats his name with a sweeter tone to it. Conrad’s brief attention on Steven was whiplashed away for Belly, Steven lets out a soft “Come on” when he heard her pull out the voice.

“Hmm?” Conrad is answering Belly and not him. “Come on Conrad you’re better than this” Conrad might be briefly looking past Belly towards you two, but you personally have low hopes for him now. “Pick the better team, Conrad, these two don’t know what they’re talking about” you’re reasoning with him but you’re seeing his resolve weaken while looking back and forth between Belly and your team.

You know he’d agree with your logic, but his concerns weren’t that. “Belly? You don't want to be Team Logic?”, “No, team chip hat”, “I’m team chip-hat then”. You amusingly gape at his shamelessness.

Jeremiah loudly whoops in your ear, and you swat him away while he chants “Vic-to-ry!”. “Me and (Name) are the only ones with sense” Steven flips off Jeremiah’s celebration and chanting in his face. “Team Chip-hat SUCKS!” You and Steven high-five with his free hand while the rest “boo”.

“Wasn’t even about the number of votes, it was about assessing the hat’s success rate and it failed” Steven interjects in the booing. “You’re supporting a cartoon villain, and you couldn’t even defend it right!” you’re crossing your arms and smugly staring down Jere. “Shhhh! The people have spoken!” Jeremiah does a poor ‘music conductor silencing an orchestra’ impression.

“(Best friends name) would’ve loved to hear you side with her” you whispered while looking down at your nails with a coy smile as you feel Jeremiah still beside you, and the most attractive chuckle rings beside you as Steven catches on. “Ohhh… so it was (BEST FRIEND’S NAME)” he raises his voice to bring it to Conrad and Belly’s attention.

“(BEST FRIENDS NAME)!?” Belly screams and raises her arm past you to give stunned Jeremiah slaps on his arm. “I knew it was her! Where’s my twenty bucks?” Conrad seemed almost unfazed and more concerned about whatever bet the two had set.

Jere’s glaring at you but all you do is shrug at him, “And what about you!” He points accusingly at your face and you jolt back, what the hell was he about to say? What about you? What was Jeremiah, the guy who unapologetically forgets to keep his friends crushes hidden, gonna say about you?!

“With your crush on Conrad!” You almost went into fight or flight till you realised the name he said. “Huh?” Is heard unanimously from you and Conrad, you turn your heads to each other in your shared confusion . You felt Steven’s arm slip away from its spot behind you. “Conrad?~” Belly smiles cheekily at you but you see her shoulders slump. “Yeah, in third grade she was like his worshipper” you reach out your hands towards Jeremiah’s neck as he’s spewing old embarrassing memories that seem ten times worse in his point of view.

He squeezes your fingers between the junction of his jaw and shoulders from how sudden and ticklish it felt . Jeremiah tries to make more points but you’re warning him by squeezing his neck, and he just laughs louder. You let Jeremiah pry your hands off him, “You’re deflecting your crush, Jeremiah”. “How would you know I like her!” He tries to come to his own defense with a nervous laugh, yet his pink ears only solidify what you assumed for the past year.

“Alright, I’ll just tell her you hate her then” you get up to go get your phone from the kitchen counter, and Jeremiah lunges to stop you. You start to trip at the sudden grasp at your arm. Jeremiah sets into panic as you suddenly starting to quickly sway forward.

And as a knee jerk reaction, on your right arm where he grabbed you he pulls back to steady you harder than he intended. You were already stabling yourself on instinct but Jere’s arm pull had you falling backwards. While the two of you had stupidly tripped you up, you feel two more hands hold onto the sides of your waist and realise that you’re fucked.

You’re pulled down to land in Steven’s lap on the ground. You feel like you’ve been hit with scalding hot water when your back bumps into his warm chest at the impact, flinching forward to avoid being too close and Steven starts to slide his hands away at the reaction. You’d like to imagine his hold lasting longer but your brain would rather jump to safety away from Steven figuring out your feelings. To your relief (and disappointment) Steven positions his hands on your upper back to help you push up to your feet.

“Jere, She almost fell on her face!” Before Conrad could finish scolding, Jere is already reaching out for you when you take your previous seat, “(Name) I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry that was stupid, please I’m so sorry, I shouldn't have done that!” You’re patting his hands as you relax from your frazzled state, “No it’s fine, I’m good. I was taking it too far, you’re good”. Conrad’s busy telling Jeremiah to not be a dumbass next time and Steven’s putting it lighter by telling him to be careful with you since you’re a guest. “I feel grateful for Steven for once” Belly sighed out in relief and received a sidewards glare from her brother. She’s checking on you while you reassure her repeatedly the same way you did with Jere.

“You good?” Steven gently leaned his arm onto your knees and turned to look up at you with concern, his warmth returned sooner than you expected. “No I’m fine, thank you Steven” he looks you once over and gives a pursed smile. You’re trying to suppress the new memories and sensations of Steven holding you in his lap for all of five seconds, till Jeremiah leans towards you on your right side whispering another “I’m so sorry”.

You wave him off and whisper back “No, I’m sorry. I won’t tell (best friends name) anything, I was just kidding. Sorry to make you panic”, and he doesn’t fight you on it this time but instead slides a hand down his pink face in embarrassment. Steven looks in his peripheral vision at you whispering and laughing at Jeremiah and concludes that things had been settled.

The movie night continues onto the next Despicable Me movie but you all decide to call it a night after seeing Gru’s blonde twin brother. The hair with Gru’s face may have put you all off or something. You followed Belly upstairs with the blankets that were being used and now folded, as the boys cleaned up the snacks and switched off the TV.

“Tonight was fun, I’m glad you stayed” you hear Belly say while you stack the folded blankets in a hallway closet. “Yeah, I actually had so much fun” you smile to yourself, “What do mean by ‘actually’?” Belly interrogates you with an imaginary mic in your face and makes you giggle.

“I mean, that I thought I’d be intruding here. I didn’t want to get in the way of your dynamics or make you feel like you should look after me” you shyly explain but Belly shuts you down immediately. “You’re definitely not intruding, if anything you’re just making the night more fun. Honestly the guys and I stay separate on most days and just stick to our own devices like earlier. Having you over honestly made us more social” She wraps her arm around your shoulders to reassuringly squeeze your sides. “Oh, I guess that’s good” you’re feeling glad you stayed.

“What’s with this? You guys cuddling without me?” Jere makes his way up the top stairs to invite himself into the hug. “Ugh! Jere”, “Oh my Gosh, Fisher” you and Belly try ducking him off, and he pretends to sulk at the rejection. “In all seriousness though why are we hugging?” Jere crosses his arms, “No reason”, “(Name) thought she was being a nuisance” Belly shakes her head in a dramatic sigh.

“What, I didn’t say it like that” and Jere plays into Belly’s act with a telenovela worthy gasp. “So you did say something similar?”, “I think she needs a second hug Jere” Belly widens her arms towards you and beckons Jere with her hand. “What? no! I don’t” but you’re already being trapped into a heavy hug as the two surround you, making you laugh as their swaying makes you fumble in between them. “Guys I can’t breathe” you’re only able to stick your head out beside their shoulders.

“Oh, a hug circle” you hear someone from behind you and you can’t even turn your head to see him. “Steven, (Name) is sad” Jeremiah says while squishing his cheek to the top of your head. “I’m not!” You’re gawking at Jeremiah’s lies speaking for you. “She said she didn’t have fun” Belly squeezes you tighter and you’re wiggling between these insane people’s grasp.

“They’re lying!” You’re defending while Jeremiah raises his arm closer to your mouth to shush you. “Come on guys” Steven’s words bring you some hope, “Let’s show her that’s not true” and you’re screwed over when you feel the added weight of the hug circle. “Noo!” You’re almost scream-laughing at how much they’re smothering you. You feel a hand pet on your head, “There there” there’s a lint of bullshit in his reassurances that matches Belly and Jeremiah. You’re starting feel why they all get along together so well, they fuel each other’s energy.

“What in the…” Conrad had made it upstairs after switching off all the lights. “It’s a comfort circle” Jeremiah tells him, and they all lift their heads off you to look at his bewildered expression. “Conrad, save yourself. It’s a sacrificial cult, they’re storing me for later!” you’re faced away from him which prohibits him from seeing the dead seriousness of your eyes and he’d instead assume it’s sarcasm.

“(Name) said we bullied her” Steven shakes his head with fake sniffles, you’re screaming inside at how much they’re playing into this. “Oh my god really” and you feel bad at the sincerity in Conrad’s voice. “It’s not true” you say in a tired voice, completely having given up on the three menaces. “We’re showing her all the love we have to give” the group rests their head on you again and it makes you yelp out laughs of disbelief. Hair taking up half your vision.

“Aww, let me join” Conrad seems to be catching the contagious bullshit the others have. “Oh nooo!!!” And you’re hit with another body basically draping himself onto Steven and by default you as well, you’re leaning to the side and trying to keep your balance.

You’re pushing towards belly and her stature matching with yours starts to sway as well under the influence of three other tall bodies . You try to pull her up and she leans towards your unbalanced figure and you start dragging Jeremiah into the unstable mix. The three boys are puzzled together so Steven feels Jeremiah weakening in his standing and tries to pull him up but he’s ineffectively being pulled down by the two other people attached to him. As Steven’s going down slowly like the rest of you Conrad starts to feel all your bodies lean, and decides to let go.

The last remaining stability removed from the circle, sending all four of you to fall onto the wooden floors. “CONRAD?!” The hallway bursts into a loud shouts of laughter and blame being thrown to Conrad. Your body was thankfully cushioned by the other three.

“What the hell are you kids up to?” Laurel stands on the other end of the hall and just chuckles at Conrad standing beside the heap of people shoving each other to get up.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“See like I said, you added to tonight’s fun”, “Yeah, crushing me made me get the message” you’re light heartedly glaring daggers as Belly grabs more pillows for you. You’re sleeping in her room for the night, Conrad's mom let you use one of her old shirts and Belly lent you one of her sleeping shorts. The boys had bid you two goodnight thirty minutes ago after Laurel was taking pictures at your predicament and Conrad just posed crouched down beside you four with a smile and a peace sign as if he was beside a famous monument. You couldn’t help but to feel embarrassed when you remember that Laurel might send that to your parents as an example of how much fun you had.

“You four are menaces” you two laugh. You had already prepped for bed and all that was left to do was make yourself comfortable under the covers. Belly’s double bed leaving comfortable room for the two of you. You’ve never felt as close to all the kids in this house like you did tonight, the Fisher boys were well aquatinted with you since third grade, but the Conklin’s were always just coming and going. Isabel felt like a distant relationship, you and her hadn’t really been true friends.

It would be those instances where you were more of a friend to Jeremiah and Conrad, and that they set up the two of you to hang out so she wouldn’t feel like she was surrounded by a bunch of boys the entire time. You always knew a part of the reason why they didn’t mind a common neighbour like you coming around randomly during summer was because of Belly, and it’d make you feel bad when you’d often find yourself curious about Steven instead. But this fourth summer is different, you and Belly have reached the new status of friendship.

“How long has Jeremiah liked your friend” you turn to face her in the dim lamp light of the room. “Like four months ago, that’s when I noticed it. To be honest with you I wasn’t completely sure” you see her eyes squinting and relaxing to adjust to the light without her glasses. “Well now we know” and giggles are shared in memory of Jeremiah’s earlier reaction towards your friend being mentioned.

Your best friend had opted out of visiting the Fishers because her family was having a reunion, her aunt had her first child and the entire house was dedicated to serving her. But you can’t help but imagine how much fun you’d have in analyzing Jeremiah while she’s around.

“I saw him randomly asking her for homework one morning, but when I made my way over there he suddenly said he had something and disappeared. If he needed homework, why wouldn’t he ask me too? Is what I thought at first. Then he’s start asking her what’s for lunch and then start asking her for teacher’s emails for assignment queries, mind you they’re posted on the class bulletin board”. Belly’s nodding along to you at your explanations, cupping her mouth as you added examples of Jeremiah trying to get your friends attention. “Yeah, so now I know. He was a little obvious back there”, “Only a little?” You laugh at her honesty.

But after a beat Belly stays silent, you can see she’s thinking about something and you’re about to ask what but then she asks. “Did you have a crush on Conrad?” You can feel her curl into the blankets more, “I remember Jere saying that I think”. “Oh yeah” you’re starting to get a sense of something from her, and your brain is piecing things together.

“Well, everyone kinda did. I was just one of the curious ones. Like at lunch, all the girls in my class held mini-meetings about Conrad” Belly’s gaping jaw makes you wheeze out a laugh at her shock, “It was that serious! We were sharing moments we saw of him throughout the day, it was more of a fan club honestly”. “Oh my god, that’s actually kind of cute” Belly sighed as if it would’ve been an amusing sight, “It wasn’t only him it was Jeremiah too. For him, it was… something else”.

You lean towards Belly and she turns her head for her ear to face you, eager to listen in on every detail. “The girls-” You couldn’t hold back your snickering; Belly grew more curious while you laughed to yourself about what you were about to tell her. “They’d chase him” You snort at Belly’s confused face and raised eyebrows as you try to tell her the rest through laughs, “He’d be chased almost everyday cause so many girls wanted to confess to him, but he’d run away, and it’d create a mob”. “What the hell” Belly joins in on the snickering, “Yeah, but the teachers stopped it. Conrad didn’t get the worst of it since all the girls knew he wasn’t the type to tolerate it and they were trying to seem gentle in front of him. Meanwhile, Jeremiah ran as a way to tire out the girls that liked him, it didn’t always work since the majority were athletic”.

“But to answer your earlier question, no I didn’t like Conrad that much. Liking one of the Fisher boys was some sort of weird right of passage as a girl in the third grade. We all knew it was more of a gag since they were so popular, and when someone seriously had a crush, they had to say it was real”, “Wow your school was something”.

You saw how relieved Belly looked and all the little snippets you saw of Belly and Conrad interacting tonight were making a lot more sense, you didn't want to assume but at this point, it was safe-to. “So, no need to worry” You tucked the blanket up to your nose to hide your small grin. “What, no I wasn’t like worried or anything. I was just wondering why you started choking out Jere, it seemed serious” She avoids your eyes in favor of picking her nails. “Oh ok, sure” You hum teasingly, and she turns onto her back with her head facing away from you so you could only see the pink in her ear tips, “Goodnight”.

You take that as your cue to let the teasing rest for now “Goodnight, I won’t tell anyone” You huff out a giggle and turn to your other side to switch off the lamp. Belly whispers out her thanks.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You’re pulling in as much air as your nostrils possibly can to feel alive, your eyes snapped open so fast that your pupils would think they’re still closed, the room was void of any colour or shapes .

Until the darkness above you adjusts into a navy blue and you’re starting to see the ceiling through the shadows drowning out the room, the last image you remember seeing were dead bodies trying to drag you to an early grave. You felt like you were burning as their sharp bones where digging into your arms, and the soil was cold as rock. But luckily you woke up before you'd been burried alive.

You’re thankful to be met with light snoring beside you and the midnight sky letting in as little light as possible but it was still enough for your eyes to see outlines of the room. You’re reminded that sleepovers can tend to make you dream weirdly.

Your breaths are realigned again and you’re watching flashbacks of your dream turn murky each second. Bits and pieces falling into an abyss, as if your brain was actively clearing storage.

The gaslighting your brain undergoes during dreams, while you’re still semi self-aware, is like no other. But you’re over it in ten seconds and your body starts sending signals to your waking brain.

Your throat feels like cloth, so dry and no taste besides your own mouth. You’re sliding your legs off onto the side of the bed to settle them onto the ground and you slowly lift your upper body to join them out of the warm covers. Belly’s snores quieten but her body still lays limp as ever. You haven’t felt this thirsty in a while, your throat itching as the feeling of it swallowing non existent spit feels more matt than it should.

Your fingers gently twist the door handle and open a small gap before the door’s hinges can squeak. You leave it open and walk in slow motion to lessen the wooden floors creaking. You carefully make your way down the steps in the inky night of the house.

You’re ironically salivating for a taste of water. Your mind daydreaming about ice melting in your mouth and putting all this dehydration behind you. You finally reach the bottom floor and your bare feet shuffle toward the kitchen. No one’s here anyway.

You chose the path that you knew would lead you closest to the fridge and when you saw it you were humming a cheer before you realised. Has the white light of fridges always looked so classy or was the drought in your mouth getting to you?

You held onto the cold condensation of one-of-many mini water bottles and you’re humming even through your scratchy voice. The small crack of the cap brings a tired smile to your face then in seconds you’re sucking up the entire contents of the mini water bottle till you cheeks fill up likewise to a squirrel’s. Downing the water gulp by gulp till your cheeks flatten and the bottle’s empty.

You let out a relieved ‘ah’, your mouth no longer a carpet but since you craved water earlier your indulgence doesn’t end. You open up the freezer and slowly push the ice dispenser so only a few ice blocks fall into your hand. Popping them in your mouth immediately and you’re ready to leave now that your to-does have been met. You’re eyeing up the fridge to see if you might need another water to go, but a pushing force on the other side of the open fridge makes you flinch and turn around you to check the dark space the fridge’s light didn’t reach.

You’re smuggling another mini bottle so you could throw it as a weapon then bolt, yet the door moves in on you even more making you push up against the fridge shelves. “Hey” you see a guy’s hand on the side of the door then you look up see half his face peaking out.

“I need to get through…” Steven’s voice reaches a deepness you've never heard from him before and it makes you just stare at him for a minute. The chemicals swishing around your body to cause your heartbeat to start pumping faster seem to think it’s more than pleasant. You’re so glad that puberty is mandatory, without it Steven's slightly deep voice wouldn’t be making you bite down so hard you cracked an ice cube.

“m soeee (I’m sorry)” you’re speaking with your mouth full and you’re probably slobbering. Your best friend would say that this is the furthest thing from the mature persona you were trying to impersonate earlier today. You forgot all about it until now and you’re boiling in embarrassment (hoping these chunky ice cubes in your jaw would melt faster).

Steven tilts his head to signal you to move the other way and you’re right to it like a puppet. He’s now able to freely walk between the door and the kitchen island. When he opens it back up, you’re instinctively backing yourself more into the fridge selves now that you’re bracketed between two fridge doors and him in front of you. The cool air raises your goosebumps all over your arms and neck.

“Can you please pass me a can of soda?” He doesn’t move any closer, his eyes squinting to adjust to the harsh light, and his hand points to a corner of a self above your head. His expression reminds you of a cute little nose scrunch you’d see on a baby animal. You’re saving that sight to the storage in your brain within milliseconds, so you don’t seem too slow to reach for his drink.

He gingerly takes the can from you with a tired smile and a soft, “Thank you”. Your heart pumping so fast made you warm up the ice cubes in your mouth to a manageable size, you start shyly chewing them so you could clear your full mouth. Knowing you can’t talk to him while he’s this close and his voice makes you imagine him as a Disney prince with a blinding smile.

“What’re you eating?” Steven scans the shelves behind you. “Oh, it’s ice” You’re so glad that stupid lisp is gone with most of the ice out of the way. Steven gives you a look and asks again, “Ice?”.

“Yeah” You’re on your final crunch and it rings in the silence. “You’re eating it?” He’s raised his brows, and his widened eyes shine a little more in the white light, he’s getting cuter, and you need to escape. “I was thirsty” You don’t how else to explain yourself and you feel a little dumb just standing there with a mini bottle of water on your arm like it’s your baby.

Steven turns towards the island counter behind him and points to the empty bottle you chugged at. “The ice and this?” He looks down at the second bottle in your arms but decides not to comment on it. You’re rubbing the side of your arm in embarrassment and staring at the empty bottle instead of him, “I had a nightmare?”. Steven pushes the fridge door furthest from you to a close and he gently places his hand on top of your hand rubbing at your arm to shift you a little and close the other door.

“Oh, yeah I guess nightmares can make you thirsty” How can his voice make you shiver more now that you can’t see him?! A hum is all you manage, and the room stills in quiet again. Both of you hadn’t thought to turn on the light on the way into the kitchen.

You’re not sure why you haven’t left yet when there’s sleep to catch up on but you’re waiting on him, waiting for sounds of his footsteps to make their way away from you so you know you’re safe from bumping into him. You‘re standing still wondering why he hasn’t moved, if he was waiting for you then that would just make you more embarrassed for not knowing.

“Sorry I pushed you earlier, it was for the- um the doors” You’ve never heard him awkwardly clear his throat till now, “The cold air was getting out and you looked cold”. Your forgotten arm is ‘warmed up’ again with your hand rubbing away, “Oh yeah, yeah. Thank you”.

“No it’s fine, um I heard people sleep better when you’re cold and your room’s warm or something. So that might help?” Your eyes have adjusted enough to not only hear but see Steven looking down and rubbing his own arm holding his forgotten cool drink just like you and your room-temperature water.

“No. Actually, it’s cold room and warm bed I think… yeah. Sorry I switched them up”. After letting out a snippet of your internal giggling you quickly shut it back down your throat.

“That’s fine Steven, thank you” you're fidgeting on the spot and decide to crack open your second bottle to put your hands to good use. A second later you hear his cool drink can get cracked open then bubbles fizzle out in the quiet. “What was your dream about?” The question made you freeze. You finally let your eyes look up at his silhouette. He's about two steps away from you, you could easily be standing right against him if he leaned forward, it just makes you ten times more conscious but you try to answer anyways. In a low whisper, “It was a zombie apocalypse dream? Something like that. I was being dragged to a grave”. You can’t see him very well but you assume he'd have surprise written all over his face.

Steven puts his drink down beside him with a loud gulp, “Wow, thats dark…” he muttered out. You let out a small sign of a laugh, at least an attempt of one. Trying to separate your nerves from your actions, but the more your eyes adjust to start seeing Stevens clothes and his face, the harder it was to pretend. He seemed to be sporting on a black tank top and some linen sleep shorts, the night heat was getting to everyone it seems. You’re looking down at your bare feet as a distraction but even then you see his beside yours, almost touching and reminding you that his proportions where bigger than yours. You think this might be the closest you'll get to comparing hand sizes like all the popular girls do with their boyfriends.

“Why did you come down?” Your voice seemed to make him flinch, even if it was just a little. You see his silhouette roll back his shoulders and scarch at the back of his neck in thought. You don't think you'll get an answer but then he whispers, “I heard a noise…and I got thirsty so I came down”. He pause like he had something more to say but instead he picked his drink back up. “Sorry If I woke you” you say while playing with the empty bottle in your hand. “…no, its okay…” you feel a gentle tug at the bottom of the bottle, Steven takes it and the one on the table to throw then in the recycling under the island. “I was up anyways.” The silence felt so warm. You couldn’t even blame Cousins beach weather for it. It had everything to do with the boy infront of you, making your heart and blood rush. Feeling so hot and cold in the dead of night with just the two of you. The two of you seemingly staying in the kitchen for no good reason.

You swear you can hear him breathe, and you feel his eyes waiting on you. But you don't know what to do, what is he expecting. “I still can't get over your dream” he scoffs in shock, “It was not what I expected”. “Well… what did you expect Steven?” You poke in interest. “We just watched a kids movie but then you have a dream about gruesome death. The links are unexpected” he lets out a chuckle, unguarded and teasing. “What did you dream of after the movie” you ask, sneakily trying get a look at his mind. Steven creates a pause by drinking his soda until its completely finished. Making a show out of throwing the can in the recycling before turning to you again. “None of your business” you scoff as he shrugs. You can almost see the lines of his smile and the mischievous glint in his eye. “Ok, be like that then” you fake a sulk and Steven feels like he's leaned in bit by bit as this conversation went. “Maybe I'll tell you later, I want to get back to it first. And you should go dream about something fun” you shake your head with a smile, you can't believe you two are talking so well. “What's fun?” you shrug your shoulders, hoping he can tell you're comfortable just by your body language.

“You should dream about your boyfriend Antonio” you can't help but laugh and you can hear him chuckle along with you. “What? The guy who looks like you?” You slip out and then you hear him falter.

There’s a beat of silence that makes you cringe to every single nerve at your poor attempt at banter until you hear Steven’s own uncontained laughter. It sounded so taken, like he didnt mean to find it so funny. He even whispers out a sarcastic ’wow’ and you’re radiating pride under your skin.

“I’m sorry, that was so stupid” You can’t help but join in his chuckles, the two of you sharing a joke alone for the first time. “That’s the first time you’ve teased me” he complains with a fake pout. “About time” You nugde his leg with your foot and you see him nod on with a smile. The sound of birds chirping in the distance has you waking up to reality, “Steven, I’m gonna go sleep. Goodnight”, “Yeah, Good morning” that makes your eyes roll and he laughs. Fluttering is all you feel in your chest at the moment. You begrudgingly make your way upstairs in silence, hesitant to wake up to a new day where you and Steven aren't intimately laughing alone in the kitchen.

You’re shuffling straight to Belly’s door, and it’s carefully shut right behind you. Belly’s sleeping position has changed only slightly but you see she’s started colonizing your share of the bed. The spell of laughs is broken and you’re trying to sleep through the rude chirping that woke you from your dream instead of your earlier nightmare. Belly’s snoozing was back and it serves as your lullaby in these early hours of the morning.

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Next

Main MATERIALIST

a/n: I love this one way more than the one before 😛, lets hope we only go up from here. Sorry for the Despicable Me 2 deepdive for like 40% of this fic lmao. Basically admitted Antonio is on my hear me out cake. Please tell me that it was a universal experience that girls had mini fanclubs for the cutest boys in school, or is this niche 😭.

Coming soon {🎬}........................................................

Ongoing {🎥}.................................................................

Completed {🎞}............................................................

Removed {🗑}...............................................................

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TSITP

Steven Conklin

× He's actually interested... (2/?) 🎥

Cam Cameron

× °•°•

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ENHYPEN (OT7)

Heeseung

× °•°•

Jake

× °•°•

Jay

× °•°•

Jungwon

× °•°•

Riki

× °•°•

Sunghoon

× °•°•

Sunoo

× °•°•

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P1HARMONY

Jongseob

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× °•°•

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Other (?)

Veil comic/manga - Emma's autumn day (🎬)

In seventh grade, Steven Conklin was THE GUY in your eyes. A chubby face, big dark eyes, an awkward yet cheeky disposition, and a gummy smile. He gave 13-year-old you that kind of feeling that you’d get from seeing a cute boy on TV, an innocent crush at first sight. Nothing really serious.

Giggling to your friends when he’s within eyesight. Having romantic scenarios with him that were basically copy and pasted from Disney channel movies. It was just fun, but feelings can always escalate.

The more you saw him throughout the summers over the years and at every party or teen hotspot, you felt contradictory to what you thought was a phase. Year by year he went from a puppy to heart-throb.

How did it come to this? Sadly, you've already answered this in your brain to try and ‘logicalize’ your crush on him and the math made sense. For one he grew taller. His shoulders broader. His hair now styled with wispy strands to curtain his face at the sides. And ontop of that he grew out of his softer features.

His face showing more dimension than you remember. His cheeks a little hollow, his jawline sharpened and so did his eyes, and when did he start getting in the habit of doing that hot ‘tongue in cheek’ thing? You’re seeing a new air around him, and it’s even having it's effects on some curious onlookers like yourself. He’s redefined ‘glown-up’.

Your brain might just be needing the distraction, but why do you feel so clammy in your hands when he’s only so far away from you? You’re looking at him from a meter away across this rich kid’s pool party as he’s chatting with your near neighbors, the Fisher boys. He’s laughing so hard at whatever seemingly tipsy Jeremiah said, that he’s clutching at his stomach trying to hold himself up-right.

You’ve definitely taken notice of how his Addams-apple bops and how much deeper his laugh has gotten. You see him lean his head back as he tries to catch his breath by staring up at the night sky till his giggles fade, relaxing his tensed shoulders, and his face rests in a lazy grin.

What that does to your chest should be examined immediately. What could it be? The slightly ruffled dark hair? The racy hooded stare from the effects of alcohol? His mole that leads your eyes straight to his peachy lips? You really don’t know, and not knowing wouldn’t stop you from looking at him all night anyway.

“Stop dripping drool all over yourself” your best friend whispers beside you. You meet her teasing eyes with a glare and a scowl on your lips. “He’s not your dinner honey” You frown in exaggeration at her mocking tone.

“He looks really delectable though” you mutter on more so for yourself, but you know she heard you. “Ugh, (Name) no!” she gags towards you. You both cackle and unanimously stroll off closer to the drinks and food section of this person’s spacious backyard.

They’ve set up a long line of foldable tables filled with drinks, finger food, and pizza waiting for you to grab. Outdoor lights were dimmed to highlight the pool’s lights and the L.E.D. pathway lines mapping out the entire backyard for the mood. You’ve only ever seen something of this caliber for a party on some unrealistic teen Netflix show.

Regardless it was the best looking you’ve ever seen, with a fireplace controlled at the touch of a button surrounded by huge circular outdoor couches. Even an entertainment area with a TV on the opposite corner of the yard, playing music videos to the songs this kid’s hired DJ was mixing.

Everything stood out, yet you’d rather watch the flickering fire’s light shine on a charming boy’s face than care about whatever catchy TikTok song was playing.

“It’s crazy how you do this every summer” your friend can’t help but shake her head in amusement. “Every summer is pushing it” You avoid her knowing gaze. Her eyes squint at you, “Is it?”. You can’t refute that, but what could you do about it? It was completely out of your hands how fine Steven was to you. “What hurts most is that you don’t even do anything!” Your bestie slumps onto your side, sulking her frustrations, “I’ve pushed you every chance I get”.

“Yeah, and it makes me shit myself!” You can’t help but wrap your arm around her neck in a playful choke as vengeance. She humors you by struggling against your nonexistent grip on her neck till you stop the bit and rest your arm naturally on her shoulder as she’s doing to you. You two walk attached at the hip up to a sliding door leading into the house, looking for your other friends.

“It’s just cause I believe in you, and also we need you to develop this slow burn please”. Honestly you could never do that, at least not today cause Steven probably barely remembers your name or even face for that matter. The last time you’d been face to face was two years ago. When you had run into your neighborhood acquaintances Jeremiah and Conrad at the fair, and unknown to you, Isabel and Steven were slowly making their way behind them. You were catching up with Jeremiah about the latest school drama developments (and Conrad pretending to be above it). Isabel and Steven joined in behind the boys and the brothers hadn’t noticed yet. The two siblings patiently waited out the conversation for a moment to intrude.

The Fishers’ reactions always make you chuckle when you’re retelling parts of school drama that’s been holding everyone in clutches for months. You three laughed till your faces ached then finally you noticed the Conklin’s. Jere had only noticed once Steven flicked at his back “Oh right, (Name), our friends from out of town came to visit, you remember them?” Jere announced the obvious to you and Conrad nodded in agreement while spreading out an arm towards the two smiling at the "Mini reunion".

You immediately beam at them (mostly Isabel), “Nice to see you again” You and her exchange small wave and polite greetings, and before you can turn to him, Steven quickly lets out a flat “Hey” and you awkwardly return it. You always found that part hard, returning to that ‘background neighbor' role when you hadnt spoken to them in a while. Back into a stranger. It wasn’t the first time you had met them at that point, truthfully you were closer to them in the first few summers you met.

Back then you were more curious to know about people outside your town’s world. You’d lurk with your best buds who were also acquainted with the Fishers and ask to hang around with them when the Conklins arrived. Unfortunately for them you’d be yapping questions to your hearts content. You remember that Isabel seemed to enjoy the attention (even letting you call her Belly) but you could tell it was getting to her brother.

So you stopped bugging him till summer’s end. But as time passed you hadn’t visited as much anymore, you and the Fishers sticking to your separate cliches more tightly while only catching up in those rare occasions when you met them again. You’re only a little thankful that you saw the Conklins a little less over time because you would’ve been absolutely setting yourself up if you watched Steven mature from up close and personal, your feelings would be far worse that way.

You slip out of old embarrassing memories when you sit down with your group, letting Steven’s presence take a break from occupying your mind and instead playing some stupid party games. That would make you end the night stumbling and talking twice as loud as you had before.

The night grows old, and its finally time to go home. You’re hanging onto your bestie while waiting for your other friends to get into the one small car that you all carpooled in. But when they started climbing in a problem started, two of your friends were trying to bring their flings with them. Now occupying the two seats reserved for you and your best friend, they argued that everyone in the back seat could just sit on each other’s lap.

While you were puzzled at the audacity of your horn-dog friends, your best friend was busy arguing how there still wouldn’t be space for you two as well as the fact that the drive was an hour (not including stopping at everyone’s places). This caused an amusing scene for the onlookers walking by to take their cars from the gravel parking lot.

“Look, your asscheek is still filling up space!” Is all you heard in the background of your dissociation, and while that was being handled you decided to continue spacing out and looking at cars nearby.

That’s when your tipsy self realized that parked opposite from your noisy car was the Fishers’ car. You watched as Belly (oh sorry Isabel) was helped into their car by Conrad and a nagging Steven while Jeremiah was absentmindedly moving to the echoes of music coming from back inside the party. You noticed how some were drunker than others (Belly and Jere) much like yourself and you nodded in sympathy.

Your attention was once again on your own chaotic friends, a scream was heard from inside and your best friend leaned her torso out of the car to stand straight. She empathetically turned to you, “There’s only space for one”. “You didn’t have to be so aggressive!” You hear a lot of annoyed groans from the car, “I said make space!” your friend leans her torso back inside to direct her anger towards the crowd of her vexes.

There's a sharp snort from the opposite end of the parking lot spectrum. Jeremiah, Conrad, and Steven have stopped what they were doing after tucking Belly in the car to watch your chaotic comedy of friends unravel. They’re a much more composed bunch that you can’t relate to right now.

“Ah, hey (name)” Your eyes widen when Conrad registers you’re there. “Hey” you smile at them and you suddenly hear a loud car honk then a door being harshly shut, and footsteps on gravel coming up behind you. “I’m fucking calling an Uber, those goo goo eyed drunks can piss off” You sigh deeply at that, feeling your besties anger boiling out of her skin. “Damn they’re desperate” you say but you can’t help but chuckle at it, maybe it was the liquor giving you peace of mind while your friend was justly frantic of the situation. There couldn’t be many Ubers at midnight and close enough to the private property of this kid’s parents house.

“You guys can come ride with us” you keep forgetting that they’re there, hearing Jeremiah’s voice brings you back to reality. You have acquaintances! Yay for your social skills! You and your friend share a look, then a look at the screen still refreshing the bar with ‘looking for driver’s’ underneath. Immediately the two of you start chanting ‘thank you’s’ and talking about owing them favors now.

You see Steven throw Jere a dubious side glance. It was clear that Jere wouldn’t be driving with how the blond was visibly swaying. Steven started looking at the next driver option but Conrad seemed a little spacey, “I’m tired Steven” he bluntly stated to the only other functional person. “Dude you only had one beer” Steven’s eyes widen at the keys being handed to him, “So did you, and I’m tired so please” Conrad pouts like a kid to Steven’s annoyance. He looks over at you and your friend, tipsy and huddled together for warmth from the night breeze. You both may have started mimicking Conrad’s and Jeremiah's pout to coax him.

Steven begrudgingly accepts the keys and grumbles for everyone to get in the car. You’re none the wiser to his annoyance and skip to the car doors with your friend’s arm crossed in yours. Everyone unanimously thanks him.

After some debates, the seating was decided. Conrad was instructed to ‘babysit’ a knocked out Isabel, Jeremiah likes the window (also he might throw up), and your bestie is your wingwoman (plus she thinks Jere is hot). So that led to her voting for you to be in the passenger seat, your sober self would deal with her later.

So now you’re sat next to the driver that you made add two extra stops of the route he clearly didn’t want to drive. “You don’t need to drop me and my friend separately, she’ll sleepover at mine” he nods and seems to appreciate the shorter route. Good on you for soothing his predicament, that makes you want to high five yourself.

But your pride quickly deflated when you realise theres nothing else you two could talk about. Your clammy hands returning and all you can do is wipe the sweat of your hands on your clothes. You could take the chance to stop the ‘slow-burn’ your friend was deluding but instead you’ll take this chance to steal glances. Thinking that it’d be harder to get caught while he drives.

You watch his expression from the corner of your eye, he’s fully focused. You carve your attention into ever detail you can in this silent moment while it lasts. His brows don’t hold any resentment but the slight frown in the corners of his lips could be him sulking. He was just too cute, you almost don’t feel bad that he’s driving. What catches your eyes away from his captivating face is his hands on the wheel, the movement putting you in a trance no matter how simple.

How could your brain think grabbing a steering wheel while turning it left, right and stationary was something butterfly inducing? You would feel embarrassed if your tipsy self was anymore self-aware but she wasn’t, all you care for right now is eye candy.

Letting your eyes take in his slightly veined hands and forearms. His thumb traces on the steering wheel in small circles. His eye fix a sharp gaze onto the inky roads, they’re hooded from distant thoughts or something.Then his bicep moves under his shirt sleeve when he takes a turn. It was an enrapturing map of Steven. It took you an entire minute just to get over his hair left in a loose fashion that seems like it been brushed with his fingers a few times, with a few stray strands in front of his eyes. His eyelashes occasionally flutter faster when they come too close to his face, and then he moves them by tipping his head back instinctively.

And you zoned out your focus to watch all of him again. Steven driving, something you never considered until you’d been blessed with front-row seats. To watch your crush do just about anything makes you realize how close he is, of course physically but also in the sense that it feels personal. Just being a witness to his actions feels like you’re seeing a piece or even a decent crumb of him. You’re realizing more and more in your fun of watching him that he’s right there, right next to you.

“(Name) are you always so focused when you’re drunk” you’re broken out of the hypnosis by Jeremiah’s slurred words. “Huh?” You turn to face him by looking over the shoulder of your seat and see that three out of four people are sleeping. “You’re staring at Steven, you know that?” You look at him with widening eyes and your mouth slow to speak.

Jere notices eyes looking at him through the rearview, the first time that Steven has moved his gaze from the road. You spin back around to avoid Jeremiah’s observant eyes reading your soul. You finally answer, “I didn’t know…”, and you’re hoping that your slow response seemed like a tipsy trait of yours and not the lie it is. You’re silent now and so is Jere surprisingly, no wonder you forgot about everyone else. If only he’d been sleeping like the rest. Now you’re forced to control temptations and focus on the road.

“Directions?” You flinched a bit at that because this time it was a voice you hadn’t heard since the start of the drive. His one-word question almost missed your ears. “Oh, the intersection across from Conrad and Jere. In the white house with the brown wooden gate, number 46”. You see him nod in your peripheral vision. “Same as always” you heard him mutter more so to himself, like he was recounting something you said all those years ago and it popped up in memory.

Now you remember pointing out your house to him when you were younger, when you still had the confidence of a childlike nature but in present day you couldn’t think of anything more to say but a lame, “Yeah”. You decide to let the smooth sound of the car making its way into familiar surroundings keep your nerves calm and forget who's next to you.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The process of waking up your deep-sleeping bestie sitting in the middle seat felt super tedious as you were trying to escape being in Steven’s gaze any longer.

“Babes” you shake her shoulder, Jeremiah was kind enough to step out of the car for you to be able to drag her out. “Dude, wake up!” You’re desperately patting (slapping) her arm awake, pulling her towards the seat near the car door Jeremiah was at and she’s finally stirring awake. Looking at you like you’ve interrupted a good dream as she whines about you pulling her. “I’m up, I’m up…up” She’s still delirious but at least in motion to get out of the car.

You’re thankful that Conrad and Isabel are still sound asleep, less witnesses to your embarrassment. Your friend springs onto her step and you’re checking for any of her belongings around the back seat then once you’ve found nothing else you hop down from the high car. Shoving her, who’s openly flirting with Jere using her eyes alone and saying her goodbyes to the people asleep in the back, away from them so they can drive themselves past one intersection and finally arrive at their destination.

You walk up to the driver’s seat on the other side of the car. “Thanks, Steven” you muster up to say and he gives you an actual smile, “No problem”. You see that Jere moved to the passenger side now even though they’re only a two minute drive away from you, “Bye (Name), bye (bestie’s name)” he wiggles his brows at your friend, Steven grimaces at him and they’re off.

“How was sitting with Steven?” you hear her smirk before you see it and without looking you pinch her side, hard.

“OW!”

“That’s deserved” you say curtly as you’re helping her hobble along to your parent’s wooden gate, they’ll be out at your aunt’s house till the wee hours of the morning (a thing they do every two weeks or so).

You make it to your room and your bestie flops down then starts making snow angels with the covers. “You know, I think you could be able to snag him this summer. I mean if you looked at me like that I wouldn’t know how to reject you” Your friend wiggles her eyebrows much like the blonde boy she was snoozing on in the car.

“You saw?!” You’re realizing how much you’d dug a hole for yourself. If she and Jeremiah could tell (even in a drunken haze) then who’s to say Steven couldn’t feel you boring your eyes into his… everywhere.

You want to change your name and live the rest of your life with a new identity, you should move somewhere else since he knows where you live and- .

“Don’t worry you looked super cute, and it was kinda bold. Steven might think that” she sits up to make her way towards your drawers and fish out some shorts and a shirt she could borrow. “Delulu, makes things come trululu~” she sing-songs in your ear, you swat her away in your agony of realizing you’ve probably been found out and she walks off to change in your bathroom.

Once you’ve both settled into bed, your friend sleeping upside down so your feet are beside her and you’re staring at her pedicure in the dark. “Hey… why are you so confident?”, “About you and Steven?”, “Yeah, it’s really annoying~”.

She only snickers at your complaint, “I don’t know, I just believe any guy would want my amazing best friend is all” You can tell she’s sincere, even going as far as to hug you with her leg. You can’t help but feel endeared by her words “I love you” , she lovingly pats you with the sole of her foot at your words , “I love you too-“.

“BUT you can’t let me do that again!” You grab her ankle and tickle her foot. She starts hollering and kicking till you get her to promise ‘no more setting you up with Steven’. She dramatically pants when you finally let her go, saying “You’re mean” in an annoying whine. “If you wanted to sleep on Jeremiah, you could’ve just said so”. That earned you a foot shove.

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