Disco Inferno

I don’t have a plan for my life even vaguely because i’ve been suicidal since like 14? Give or take a year. I haven’t killed myself yet surprisingly, but i cant plan a future when every fucking day is hard to get through. Yes some days are easier than others but damn. I just want to be happy. But can i even do that? I barely know my real emotions, and i feint emotion so well sometimes I convince myself.

I took a break from Journaling every day because my week was so busy. I had a quiz, a take home final, 2 presentation and 3 projects do.

Jojo Friday, dressed goth, went to class, decorated cookies, got annoyed by this dude, got drunk,

I cooked after class, found out how busy next week was gonna be

Rough morning, water was off loofa exploded, the statics test went a way, got groceries, looked like arthur

Nervous for the test tomorrow, also made a necklace out of ulexite, got a test back and made an 80

I was surprisingly productive

Date heaven travel hell. Got to spend like 8 hours with him today, rode the train, got crossfaded, watched the weirdest fucking movie. It took me 3 hours to get home when it was supposed to take 1 and a half.

Shopped, got books and perfume, played some civ and taught a friend how to play

Really depression hours, i played civ for at least 6 hours and barely talked to anyone

Depression really did it to me today. Also it was thanksgiving, got good food and hung out with family, wished he was by my side more

Missed my dentist appointment. Did my hair. Had a pre-thanksgiving, found out i was being weird. Felt like shit lol. Stayed up late (4:37 am now) not ready for thanksgiving. Sometimes your subconscious jumps out.

Went to Atlanta, went on a lunch date while we waited for his phone to be fixed. Learned some annoying shit. Had some period sex, got crossfaded, got yelled at

Hung out with amara, had mama lucas, played civ

Came home for thanksgiving