just a cycle of the same thoughts and feelings. obsession and depression

is this what i’m doomed to forever? i have this next little obsession person and I feel like tied to them again, they occupy my mind day in and day out and i do unhealthy things just to try to spend time with them and get their attention. all of this just like it has been before time and time again. i’m growing into an older person and yet this behavior just remains the same. i don’t even know if i truly love this man- it feels like i do, but i feel like it’s very likely he will just hurt me in the future. but i’m listening to this song he sent me, and i’m thinking about the fond things he messaged me and fantasizing about the things we’ve already tentatively planned. i think deep down what my real end goal is just for him to be someone that stays with me indefinitely, in any capacity- not another person who i eventually lose touch with for one reason or the other. not because i think people are abandoning me… i just feel like everything is very finite for me. and maybe i’m the problem. i see things in him that make me think how he could end up being the problem too. so deep down i know it won’t happen like that, but i want to hope. i want to at least impress him and have more fond memories with him soon.

anyways this dude was in prison he came back and he was like “babeeee i was thinking about you while i was locked up” i’m so lucky i’m not a cis woman he’d probably knock my ass up

just a cycle of the same thoughts and feelings. obsession and depression

is this what i’m doomed to forever? i have this next little obsession person and I feel like tied to them again, they occupy my mind day in and day out and i do unhealthy things just to try to spend time with them and get their attention. all of this just like it has been before time and time again. i’m growing into an older person and yet this behavior just remains the same. i don’t even know if i truly love this man- it feels like i do, but i feel like it’s very likely he will just hurt me in the future. but i’m listening to this song he sent me, and i’m thinking about the fond things he messaged me and fantasizing about the things we’ve already tentatively planned. i think deep down what my real end goal is just for him to be someone that stays with me indefinitely, in any capacity- not another person who i eventually lose touch with for one reason or the other. not because i think people are abandoning me… i just feel like everything is very finite for me. and maybe i’m the problem. i see things in him that make me think how he could end up being the problem too. so deep down i know it won’t happen like that, but i want to hope. i want to at least impress him and have more fond memories with him soon.