Hello lovelies, i’m el (or eli), my pronouns are she/her. I’m currently in college, an avid reader, sucker for romances. Books, dogs, rain and sweaters :)
♡ 𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂 ♡
Welcome to my safe space! all things (mostly) MCU, the marauders and harry potter.
Currently reading: Daughter of the Moon Goddess by Sue Lynn Tan
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a/n: this was inspired by a little head cannon i read
“i don’t like dogs, i never did. they’re either vicious or daft” remus glowered, looking at the transformed version of Sirius rolling around in the mud outside the potters. It was a different kind of day, the sun burned just a little bit brighter but the clouds covered the skies and made the shining light diffuse, casting a warm glow over the ground.
you smiled. “and let me guess, sirius is the latter?” you asked, glancing at the boy. He stared at sirius and a it was a struggle to keep his smirk at bay. he didn’t say anything, he didn’t need too.
—
you unloaded your bags at the entrance of the house. No 12 Grimmauld Place never really felt like home but doing mundane tasks made it feel a little bit warmer. Tiny legs rushed towards you and sat patiently as you listened for him. the fireplace crackled and you immediately knew that remus sat by the fire, reading a book. Sighing, you knelt down to undo your shoes, but instead your face was slathered with saliva.
Pushing the accomplish away, your eyes fell on the black dog with shaggy hair covering its head. Oh. “remus” you called. “who’s this?”
“i brought him home this morning….after you left” you heard him mumbled. Walking into the living room, remus laid on the sofa another dog (this one trimmed with splotches of white) still lying by his feet. Remus’s gaze trailed over the page but you knew he hasn’t gotten anywhere further since this morning.
“another stray?” keeping your voice as soft as possible, hopefully smoothing the edges usually present as you sat beside him laying you head on his shoulders.
“yeah.” he breathed. Remus reached his other hand around you, pulling you just a tad bit closer.
“okay” you smiled. it had been so hard. after halloween night numeral houses had been left vacant, but you and remus settled here after losing custody of harry and luckily you both welcomed yourselves with minimal resistance.
some days, you watched remus lose himself in books by the fireplace, stroking and softly speaking to whichever dog that sat beside him you could help but wonder whether every time he saw a stag, rat or black dog, he saw his best friends instead.
loves, i have an announcement: i am in love with peter parker (we already knew that) thus while this hyper-fixation is at its peak peak (tasm marathon on the first day of CNY) i will capitalise on it
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hiiiii! i know you haven't been active for awhile but if you do see this, could you write something for billy? like crazy, deranged, stalker billy the way he always is... okie bye i hope you're alright lovely
a/n: here it is my love. billy in his normal form. i declare this blurb stalker! billy.
hello lovely <3 it’s been a while yes. I’m alright, how are you? thank you for asking busy love i’m currently busy with uni but i will always come back. i wrote this trying to avoid the catching up i need to do so thank you for your request 🖤
billy shifts in his seat, sinking into his leather chair with a glass in one hand and a tomography in the other. he lounges comfortable, the button of his blazer undone and his dark raven hair ruffled (only he thinks that).
the red button clicks and the screen above him lights. a greeting screen illuminated his dark apartment, billy entered a code. then another. and another.
With a new content appearing, satisfied, billy smiled. You always looked so sexy in that skirt.
New screens flashed as all angles of your house were now visible.
You were in the kitchen, the countertop filled with food of all assortments. Billy head tilted and he caught eight of something he didn’t like. He knew your friends had families and never came over on a thursday night yet there were two glasses and a bottle of corked wine.
His elbow digger into the arm of the sofa, clutching his crystal as he rolled his neck. When he searched the screens he found a car, headlights alighting your driveway and a man rolling his shoulders back as he fixed his hair looking in the window.
billy doesn’t move as he watches you greet him with a smile, hugging him ushering him in. billy doesn’t move as he notices his advancements and how he crept closer to you. billy doesn’t move when he watching the man trail his hand up your neck.
you reach your arm up to hook onto his shoulders, your eyes wandering from his blue eyes to his lips. the man pulled his hands away from your neck, gravitating towards you body, touching you from your thighs to your hips.
the man grips your hip and pulls you to him. with his other hand he reaches to swipe the hair away from your eyes, your cheek filling his palm.
he tilts down lips close to yours then—alarm. the blaring sharp noise echoed through your home. you stumbled back from the sound, panic enshrouding your eyes as you pushed him to leave needing to figure out why it was triggered.
billy watched as you wandered the halls of your house, never losing sight of you. you glanced up and noticed your fire alarm blinking, the red dot brightened the hallway in a bloody hue.
you head did the cutest tilt and billy’s lips ticked up as he moved his thumb back on to the button and the hallway darkened.
loves, i have an announcement: i am in love with peter parker (we already knew that) thus while this hyper-fixation is at its peak peak (tasm marathon on the first day of CNY) i will capitalise on it
a/n: this was inspired by a little head cannon i read and couldn't get out of my head
“i don’t like dogs, i never did. they’re either vicious or daft” remus glowered, looking at the transformed version of Sirius rolling around in the mud outside the potters. It was a different kind of day, the sun burned just a little bit brighter but the clouds covered the skies and made the shining light diffuse, casting a warm glow over the ground.
you smiled. “and let me guess, sirius is the latter?” you asked, glancing at the boy. He stared at sirius and a it was a struggle to keep his smirk at bay. he didn’t say anything, he didn’t need too.
—
you unloaded your bags at the entrance of the house. No 12 Grimmauld Place never really felt like home but doing mundane tasks made it feel a little bit warmer. Tiny legs rushed towards you and sat patiently as you listened for him. the fireplace crackled and you immediately knew that remus sat by the fire, reading a book. Sighing, you knelt down to undo your shoes, but instead your face was slathered with saliva.
Pushing the accomplish away, your eyes fell on the black dog with shaggy hair covering its head. Oh. “remus” you called. “who’s this?”
“i brought him home this morning….after you left” you heard him mumbled. Walking into the living room, remus laid on the sofa another dog (this one trimmed with splotches of white) still lying by his feet. Remus’s gaze trailed over the page but you knew he hasn’t gotten anywhere further since this morning.
“another stray?” keeping your voice as soft as possible, hopefully smoothing the edges usually present as you sat beside him laying you head on his shoulders.
“yeah.” he breathed. Remus reached his other hand around you, pulling you just a tad bit closer.
“okay” you smiled. it had been so hard. after halloween night numeral houses had been left vacant, but you and remus settled here after losing custody of harry and luckily you both welcomed yourselves with minimal resistance.
some days, you watched remus lose himself in books by the fireplace, stroking and softly speaking to whichever dog that sat beside him you could help but wonder whether every time he saw a stag, rat or black dog, he saw his best friends instead.
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WAITEAITWAIT CAN YOU MAKE A FOREIGN PT 2 WHERE SHE STARTS TO REMEMBER THINGS AND HE STARTS TO WORRY AND ONE DAY SHE LEAVES OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
( happy ending or not just make sure it’s heartbreaking and billy russo cries)
Exit Strategy [Billy.R] aka foreign pt2
pairing: billy russo x reader
summary: when billy thinks your memory is starting to come back he does everything he can to make sure it doesn't.
warnings: william 'billy' russo
a/n: Hello lovelies! this was the ask I was talking about. HEHEHE. I hope this lived up to your expectations anon HEHEHEHE. I was debating how I've wanted this to go for a while and yeah I think I'm happy with it! Thank you for all your support! Stay Hydrated <33
part 1 part 2 ask: alternate ending <3
"once you're in, we're in it for life"
"no exit strategy?" you asked, fondly staring down at Billy with his knee indenting the soft silk material of the petal filled bed.
"no exit strategy."
Feigning deep thought trying to provoke a reaction of the man kneeling before you, you creased your eyebrows together. Humming, you counted to ten hoping to build suspense." Then yes William, I will marry you." then the smile only meant for you bloomed on his face. His rough hands gently scooped your face, squishing it as he kissed you.
"But you know" pulling away from the sunshine that is him "If I have to, I will find an exit strategy."
"Maybe." His eyebrow quirked up. "but one, why would you want to when you get to have all this, to yourself." wiggling his brows suggestively as he grabbed your hand to place on his chest. "and two, why would I let you go?" Going back in and stealing a swift witty reply from your lips.
"So...this is a nice place you got here." you said against his lips, gesturing to the bed covered in petals.
"Yeah, I was expecting a little compensation." trying his very best to smoulder.
"Oh." you said in a teasing tone, a smile playing on your lips "But you're not getting any." pulling away from his reach. "I'm going to go look at my ring under the light” swinging your hips, sauntering away into the kitchen.
-
There’s was something about this moment. The harmony of raindrops falling creating a tempo, the quiet rumbling on the sky covered in a blanket of grey. The intimacy of just lying in bed together. The fondness you had for each other. The comfort that could only be found within him, that made you remember.
“Billy?” billy hummed as he continued stroking your hair. “no exit strategy.” you said whilst moving away from his chest.
Billy’s eyes searched yours and you looked towards him expectantly. Was that not what happened? “you remember?” billy gaped, hiding the slight sheen of panic enshrouding his eyes.
“I think—I think I'm starting too.” grinning widely as a sigh of relief left your lips. Your arms reached out towards him and engulfed billy in a tight embrace. Billy reciprocated the display and pushed you further into his chest.
He held you tighter and you weren’t sure why, but the heat and the simply gesture of not being able to get enough of you, made you relax into his figure.
To billy, it was as if you were slipping through his fingers and he couldn’t let that happen. This would be a hindrance and he wouldn’t let it be nothing more.
Billy wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let the last few months that he’d spent rebuilding his relationship with you to be in vain. To mean nothing. It would mean nothing if it were spoilt by your revelations of who he was.
So while he cradled you and nurtured your excitement, Billy was grasping. Grasping at any possibility of control. Grasping at a chance to ensure you would stay. For the life that you’ve rebuilt to remain, without the sins of his past plaguing his future.
He needed to keep you close. To tell you that any other dreams weren’t memory but dreams. That any instance of deja vu was just a coincidence. So that’s exactly what he did.
The months following Billy has kept you close—took you to the Anvil with him, stayed home with you on the days you didn’t want to leave, ensured that he’d only leave you when the situation was detrimental.
Due to the severity of your traumatic brain injury, Billy just had to wait a little longer. A little longer until the possibility of you recovering memories would be slim. Too slim for there to even be a probable fathomable chance.
He’d been doing research and the events prior to you being shot wouldn’t have been stored in your memory yet. You couldn’t remember the trauma, so how could you remember what billy had done a few weeks prior?
-
You were awakened by the soft thumping of raindrops against your window. Eyes still lidded with sleep, you stretched your arm over—hoping to feel billy’s soft hair and the tickle of his bread—but instead, you were greeted by disappointment your fingertips brushing on the cold comforter instead.
stretching, you grabbed your blanket as you walked out of the bedroom. the warm aroma of salted butter and maple permeated the air. the chill was combated by the heat radiating off the stove where two hot things stood.
“what’s this?” you ask as billy turned down the soft melody humming around the penthouse.
“This is breakfast.” placing a plate of pancakes and freshly brewed coffee in front of you.
There was something cheeky in his smile as he placed a chaste kiss on your forehead.
“I know what this is but—oo bacon!” grabbing a few strips and stuffing them in your mouth.
“wanted to do something nice for you today sweetheart.” pulling out a chair and sitting next to you.
chewing on the bacon overtaking your mouth, you narrowed your eyes at billy. he was up to something.
“what did you do?” you mumbled barely audible.
“nothing I promise. now go get changed so we can go to work.”
“you mean you can go to work while I sulk around all day with writers' block.” you groused.
The speech was taking you ages to write. You couldn’t even get past the first thing you wrote.
Hello everyone my name is
- but even that you scribbled out. Curtis had somehow managed to organise an event to honour and thank veterans for their service. Planning out this big event with caterers and reporters. You were honestly unsure how he managed to pull it off.
“why couldn’t Curtis ask you or frank to do it?”
“because we said we didn’t want to.” you groaned. “Also frank and I may have recommended you.”
“I hate you.”
“you can’t even look at me when you lie” smirking as he meet his forehead with yours. reaching his arms up to direct your face to look at him.
-
Anvil was Billy’s pride and joy, a symbol of how far he’s come. Of course, it would require much care. so once billy left to go meet up with potential clients, you told his assistant Anica that you were going to the closest store to pick up some food.
When at Anvil he was austere. Perceiving himself that way was understandable, no one needed to see their boss fragile, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. So, when the doors were locked and curtains were drawn, you would sit and have dinner with billy —rarely lunches cause he would leave the penthouse in the afternoon and stay late.
A tumultuous noise caught your attention as turned your head. A man with blonde hair and brown eyes was gesturing towards you, beckoning you to come closer? Confused you stepped backwards but the worry in his eyes had you startled. Your head tilted as the items you had picked up was swiped from your hold. You had slipped. Was there some type of reward for getting two Traumatic Brain Injuries in a year?
You hit the floor with a thud.
The lights blinded you. Flinching away from the harsh unwelcome of it. Without thinking your hands started digging into your pocket, struggling to get your phone out.
Fighting unconsciousness you clicked on Billy's contact and waited for the call to go through. It didn't.
No. This wasn't going to happen again. You didn't want to wake up in the hospital again. But then you saw flashes of images. It was billy.
Billy, in a different shirt. With unkempt hair. With a frown on his features.
"I'm sorry Billy you lied to me." you heard someone say. Only it was you. When did this happen?
"I'm sorry."
"We need some time apart." You said, voice sure but you knew you weren't.
"I love you. You love me. I love you and you love me."
Then the image changed but the constant was billy.
The soft glow of the sun adorned his features. The abyss of his dark eyes was no longer empty but with the love, he felt for you. "Yes," your voice firm as you gazed lovingly at the man before you.
You were tersely torn from your unconscious mind as a man shook you awake.
"Sorry I didn't make it clear enough."
"No, thank you for helping me up."
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah." Not yet, first, you need to talk to Russo.
Walking through the streets you were again hit with revelation after revelation. The perfume, the 'late nights' and the lies.
You decided to dial your husband again but to no avail, he didn't answer. It didn't matter, what you needed right now is to sort your thoughts out before you shout them out at Billy.
Grabbing the keys out of your bag you pleaded with yourself. Hoping that what you saw wasn't a memory. Billy was always there to assure you, but now that he isn't you weren't sure about anything. You knew one thing for sure, you were angry.
However, once the door opened, you were mollified. The glower on your face dropped, now reduced to a crease in your eyebrows. The smell of amiable roses suffused the penthouse and your senses as your eyes adjusted to account for the dimly lit room, shown only by the dull candlelight.
Billy stumbled out of the bedroom and was greeted by you at the doorway. Observing you as you looked around the room. You looked sad, worried, defeated.
Your eyes fell upon him and you couldn't tear them away. He was wearing the same tuxedo he was when he proposed. Sighing you dropped your bags.
Billy knew he wanted to do this for a while. To be able to express and tell you he had fallen in love with you again. That no matter what version of you you were he would always fall in love with you. Every single time. And he hoped you did too.
Billy walked towards you and grabbed your hands, squeezing them. "Y/n" your eyes even glistened and reflected the flames around the room. Gathering up his confidence, Billy straightened his shoulders as he prompted you to meet his eyes. "I did this once and I would do it a million times over. As many times as I need to, to make you remember. I-"
"We're not good for each other Billy." it broke your heart to say that. and it broke him to hear it.
You knew. It was the only way to explain it. Everything Billy had been working towards and everything he did was for nothing. You remembered.
It hit him. The look he saw in you earlier wasn't what he thought it was. It wasn't contempt. It wasn't regret. It was sorrow. Heart-wrenching sorrow as you watched the harsh unrelenting current of his lies pull you further away from him and the sand built castle where you have both been happy.
"You promised me.
"You said you wouldn't lie to me again. But you couldn't help yourself, could you? You saw an opportunity to get everything you want and you didn't care about the consequences."
"What consequences? You're my wife." his voice low
"Exactly! I am your wife but you couldn't even be honest with me could you?" disdain erupted in your voice.
"I can't even look at you right now." pulling back your hands and walking back into the bedroom.
Stunned you gasped. It looked beautiful. the room looked wondrous. Petals on the bed, a collection of photos strung up on lights, papers filled with poems left neatly piled on the bed. It all made you so much angrier. A shrill cry left your lips as you ignored the decorations and reached into your wardrobe.
Billy's presence alerted you as he stood watching in the doorway. You just kept on chanting under your breath 'you promised' as you made haste with your clothes and anything you could grab and throw into a bag.
"I asked you for some time alone after everything and you couldn't even do that?!"
"I had to be there for you! You got shot Y/n! What did you expect me to do? Let you rot and wake up alone and afraid?"
"I would rather wake up alone and afraid than waking up next to my husband who is unrecognisable to me." scoffing. "you are incorrigible."
"What do you mean you don't know who I am anymore. I'm right here. I am the only one here. I've been here for a year. Taking care of you."
" You haven't been here. Even before we separated you weren't here." your voice cracked. "You were out there with her."
Shaking his head Billy shut the bedroom door. “You and me, we were perfect.” he stated matter of factly.
Scoffing. "We were anything but.
"I know you need to achieve perfection in every single aspect of your life but you cant." Hands clasping your bag close. "Not here and definitely not with me.
"When we were serving together, we melded our hearts to each other. Making sure we would stay and this would last. But you billy, are the fire that scorched it apart." Scooping the bad up into your arms and you looked towards the door. Billy rushed to block your view and he stood in front of you.
"You won't leave me. You can't leave me." you knew the arrogance in his voice was only to keep it from breaking, but it didn't matter. He was right.
You hated that he was right. You knew he was. Billy made sure he did the only thing he knew how to could to keep you, he got you addicted.
"This is not healthy. Not for me not for you."
"I need you." alas you made another mistake, the one most detrimental to you. You looked at him.
Billy's face was sullen but it was soft. His voice was monotones but the pain behind it could not be held back even by him. Even the chilly room was warmed by the look in his eyes. The lights he had hung were now taunting him, shining brighter and reflecting off his now glossy eyes with everything he wants to say but can't.
"I need you too. You know I do. I just wanted sometime apa—”
"I gave you time apart.”
“ you gave me shit. you didn’t even explain why—“
“You didn’t give me a chance too!”
“You lied to me. What’s worse is that I am a higher ranking agent. You could’ve e said something. You wanted that case I would have got it for you. You wanted anything I would’ve give you everything.”
“But no you had to manipulate your way through everything because you don’t trust me. When are you going to realise i would’ve trusted you with anything. I trusted you.”
“No. Don’t say that shit. You still trust me.”
“Do I?”
“Don’t say that shit. When you and I both know you don’t mean it.” Billy raking his hands though his hair.
“I would’ve given you anything. You wanted that case? I would have gotten it for you. You wanted Madini to cooperate with you? I would have gotten it done. You wanted her to drop the case? I would’ve done it for you.
“you just had to ask me.” you voice barely a whisper. You were tired. tired with the fighting, with the lies with everything.
But you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t walk the door. Not now at least. You knew that if you didn’t walk out now, you never will. The iron bonds of your relationship with Billy that was forged in flames—grief, love and passion at the very heart of it—was swiftly cut by sheers forged billy’s manipulation. You never would’ve thought that the one person you loved. The one person you let in would do this to you.
You couldn’t take it anymore, succumbing to your feelings and you sat on paralysed on the bed. Billy knelt in from you.
“You are everything I need. Everything i could ever want. You and me we are in this together for life baby.”
Reaching his hand towards you checks, titling you head up, he swiped tears away. “I hate you.” you whisper.
“You can’t even look me in the eyes when you lie to me” he said lowly.
You looked up at him. Holding his face with both your hands, mirroring him, you made sure he couldn’t look away. “I hate what you’ve become.” you stated.
The chasm between you and billy extended once again, pushing you both further apart.
“you are so afraid of letting people in and accepting that they love you because you’re terrified. You are absolutely shit scared that they’re not going to want you. That everyone is like your mother.
so you ruin every chance at love because deep down you don’t think you're worth it. you don’t think you deserved to be loved. because the supposed unconditional love of a mother was never given to you so why would anyone else give you their limited love? If unconditional love failed then why would anything work?”
You didn’t mean to be harsh but there was no other way for billy to accept it, if he wasn’t slammed head first into it. You searched his eyes for any sense of understanding, remorse but instead you felt something wet land on your hands.
Billy felt everything. The pain of you leaving him. The fear when your blood soaked his shirt. The hurt of you hating him. The disdain he had for his mother for not wanting him. The grief of never having anyone to count on but himself.
“Billy. I would’ve done anything for you. I still will. I— You are all i have left. but i don’t—”
“I love you.” willing his voice to remain unshakable. “ Everything I’ve ever done was for us. Everything. I can't lose you again. Hate me, scream at me. Do anything just don’t go. I can't lose you again. I cant—”
Shaking his head, billy continued, grabbing your face as he bore his soul into yours. “I won’t lose you. I don’t care what I have to do, I won’t lose you.” overdue tears caused your hands to slip from his cheek.
It didn’t matter to you as you grabbed his neck and fell into him. In your grasp, Billy Russo was and forever will be vulnerable. Billy's hands grabbed your back and he stood up, lifting you both onto the bed. Cradling each other, being each other’s safe space.
“Tell me you still want me.”
You sharply inhaled. Billy needed the reassurance of course he does. But what was done had already been done. However, even though every logically thought in your body was screaming ‘run’, you knew no matter what he had done you could still never leave him. He is the sun that you could never do without. He is the one person that makes you feel alive. He is the one person you have ever loved. “Yeah. Yes, I still want you.”
Billy was right. You could never escape him and he would never let you go. Because once you're in it, you’re in it for life. There was never an exit strategy.
summary: After waking up in the hospital with no recollection of what happened, Billy has no intentions of reminding you.
warnings: a little kissing, billy russo being billy russo
a/n: Hello lovelies! I haven't written that many kissing scenes so bear with me :) A little one shot about how insane he is anyways thank you for all of your support! Stay Hydrated <33
part 1 part 2 ask: alternate ending <3
Foreign.
It was the first thing you thought when you woke up. Your vision was cloudy as you looked around the room. Squinting your eyes and narrowing them onto the man sitting on the chair in the corner. He was asleep.
You tried to move your body, eventually shifting a bit around the bed. The consistently sharp beeping of the heart monitor caused you to squirm. Shifting in the bed as you realised the fabric felt different. You were in a hospital. A Hospital. Why would you be a hospital?
The beeping became more consistent. Louder. Higher. Your breathing became ragged. The man across from you shot up. His eyes frantically searching for any wrongs, features riddled with worry.
You felt enclosed. Strapped down. The blanket placed over you was suffocating. You shifted. Trying to get out of the tucked contraption. Kicking trying to get off the ‘bed’. You couldn’t stay here. You needed to get out. Throat still dry, your wincing was broken.
Paired with your struggling you saw a man and a woman rushing into the room. They were wearing white clothes mumbling to each other while the man that was sat down, ran to your side.
“Hey. Hey. You’re okay.” empty words as you were unwillingly dragged back into the void.
Billy’s eyes watched you expectantly as you shifted again. After missing when you first woke up, he couldn’t bring himself to leave you or sleep. It has been about a day since you woke up and two weeks since you’ve been here.
He rarely felt injury but as he stared at you on the bed, he was injured. The most precious part of him that he wanted to lock away from the ragged horror of the authentic world was lying on a hospital bed.
He was unrecognisable. His eyes were tired, but nevertheless, he couldn’t leave you alone. Not after that. Fiddling with his wedding band, billy’s feet tapped the ground. Syncing up with your heartbeat so he could monitor any inconsistencies.
You were a top agent at Homeland, securing one of the highest security clearances despite your timid personality. Silent and deadly, that’s what you were referred to on missions. Able to sneak in and take out in the span of 5 minutes.
You and Billy had known each other since your days in the army. You went on 2 tours together, lucky to get out before it all went to shit.
So as you stirred, Billy braced himself. What would you say to him? Why would he even want to see you here?
“Billy?” looking across the room to see billy’s eyes meeting yours. He looked exhausted you thought. Propping yourself up, Billy rushed over and tucked a pillow behind your back. He stood there while you cracked your neck, rolling your shoulders.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asked, his voice wavering with uncertainty. Why would you want him to leave?
Shaking your head you beckoned Billy closer, revelling in the comfort his skin gave you. All you knew was him. You’ll get to why you were in a hospital after.
Billy tried to remain stoic. Listening to your quiet breaths and he takes you in. He never thought he would be able to hold you like this again. Never thought you would let him.
You wanted this, but you needed to find out eventually. Pulling away hesitantly you saw Billy’s expression change to that of…resignation? Disappointment?
You needed to know. “What happened?”
Billy blinked. The doctor told him that there’d be a chance you wouldn’t remember but he needed to know just how much.
“What do you mean sweetheart?” his voice warm and genuine but if only you’d looked up at the calculating look behind his eyes instead of the wedding band that graced his finger.
“You’re married.” You said pushing him away. Rubbing your elbows trying to get back the comfort his body provided. But he’s married, you wouldn’t allow yourself to get in the middle of that.
Billy’s eyes widened. You didn’t remember so much.
You’d been separated for a while. Neither of you had the strength to file a divorce but that didn’t stop the separation.
When you and Billy got engaged shortly after he started Anvil you were overjoyed, smiling until it began to ache. But things changed after you found out he’d been sweet on Madani. You smelt the perfume, the alcohol, the texts. For a supposed confidant it was easy to see through his lies, so one night while he was out you left.
You stopped wearing your wedding ring when you left but you couldn’t fully take it off, so instead, it hung from your neck. A reminder that he broke his promise and that you were allowed to feel this way. Allowed to want to leave him but unable to fully let him go.
Trying to ease you into it, he slowly approached. “Yes, I am. So are you. We’re married.”
Your eyes widened as you looked at your hands. No ring. Either Billy is lying or you lost your ring. With your mouth agape and panic settling into your skin, Billy’s voice soothed you.
“Hey. It’s an alright sweetheart. What’s the last thing you remember?” You ran your fingers through your hair. Trying to remember anything.
“You, Frank. We had an argument again. I don’t really remember what it’s about but then that’s it.”
“It’s okay.” billy’s hand gripped your own as he gave it a squeeze. “here.” Getting out his phone You scooted to the other side of the hospital bed to let billy on it. He took up more than half the space but you didn’t mind.
You saw pictures of you, happy. Your wedding; you, billy, frank, Maria and the kids; you and billy cooking. You could tell by the look in that version of your eyes that you were in love with Billy. You had never looked at anyone like that before, not even yourself.
Once Billy had caught you up to his standard, he turned his phone off. However, before it went blank you caught a glimpse of his wallpaper. It was a picture of you and Billy after your wedding with makeup smudged as you took a selfie kissing. His face was covered with the deep shade of your lipstick as his hands roam your hair.
“The last thing you remember was that argument?” You nodded while running his fingers up and down your shoulders. You weren’t together to your recollection but those photos and videos said otherwise. You’d never tell Billy this but you did love like him before you were even together and Frank would say Billy was too. Of course, you hadn’t believed him, that man was called ‘Billy the Beaut’ for a reason but it did make you wonder. Were those lingering touches on purpose? Was he always making sure you weren’t harmed first on purpose?
When he showed you the photos you could almost feel it. Smell the turkey in the air at Franks’ for thanksgiving. The gunpowder on your vest after a mission. The love you have for billy.
Unconsciously adjusting yourself closer into his chest. Billy needed to know more. How much did you remember and a way to find out.
Billy dug into his pocket, lifting his waist off the bed to get a better grip on the thing in his pocket. You looked inquisitively at him. His features practically lit up when he found it. Reaching his hand out of his pocket, Billy presented you with a ring.
“Will you wear it?” The pure anxiety in his voice was enlightening to hear but also enough to make you crumble. You trusted your past self. You wouldn’t have married Billy if you weren’t capable of loving him. You wouldn’t have married Billy if you didn’t love him. So you put it on.
“It’s not a promise. I suggest another proposal, you know the one I can actually remember.” He grinned. “I love you. I know I do but I want to know who you are now.”
Those words rang in Billy’s ears. Reverberating in his ears as he recounted what you said the last time you both had spoken, that sounded eerily similar.
-
“Shit.”, Billy said nostrils flared as he looked around the penthouse. You had found out. He’s been stupid, instead of asking you for help he’s taken things into his own hands. Being sweet on Dinah was the single stupidest thing he’d done. He could’ve been forward with you, could’ve told you, but he didn’t and now your gone. Your drawers were empty, some clothes tossed over the cupboards as Billy wandered around the penthouse. He knew you were here, he could still smell the perfume he knew you’d loved.
Billy tried calling, texting, anything he could to get you to answer. He wouldn’t stop. You couldn't take it anymore, you needed this to stop, picking up your phone to text Billy to meet you at a coffee shop.
"Thank you for meeting me." your voice soft as you tried to keep it from shaking.
"Sweetheart listen." Reaching out his hand and placing it atop yours. You immediately retreated your hand away, rubbing your palm as you stared at the coffee before you.
Billy bit his tongue as he thought about how to tell you, everything. "We need some time apart." you rushed out. It was true, you both knew it but it didn't make saying it any easier. It took everything you had to say it and it took everything Billy had to not reach over and hold you and never let you go. He knew you were right. He tried to understand. But the only thing that he could muster up was that he loved you. All sane recompense didn't matter, all he could say was that he loved you.
"I love you. You love me. I love you and you love me."
"I know. I know I love you Bill but I don't know who you are anymore." with that, the stitched thread holding the shambles of Billys' heart broke.
-
Billy's eyes were glassed over and you couldn't comprehend why. You couldn't realise how a simple observation could tear his mended heart into two. It was as if you knew. You knew and this was your way of telling him. But you couldn't know, the doctor said you wouldn't know. He needed to kiss you, to know that whatever version of you wanted him just as much. Wearing a ring wasn't enough for him. He wanted you, all of you.
His nose skimmed your own as he hovered over your lips. Billy looked towards your lips and looked back up into your eyes. Your eyes softened as you saw the adoration behind his own.
"Tell me you want me", he said, barely above a whisper.
"Billy." Reaching his hand up to your jaw, cupping it. "Tell me you want me just as much." His hot breath grazing on the corner of your lips, peppering kisses on the edge of your jaw to the bottom of your lip. while his other hand wiped the hair from your face.
"Yes." you rasped out. "Yes what sweetheart?" voice low. "I want you just as much."
Billy pulled your jaw closer as his lips met yours. It was slow and ever so telling. It was 'I am never leaving you again, It was 'I love you and I'm never going to stop', It was 'I am sorry.'.
There was knocking at the door and Billy pulled away. You trailed your fingertips on your lips, already missing the feeling of his lips on yours.
"Ah, I see you’re up Mrs Russo" Billy smiling at you with his last name, remembering insisting on them using it. "So has your husband told you about your injury yet?"
You looked at him expectantly with a raised eyebrow. "I was just getting to that" he smiled sheepishly.
"Well Mrs Russo, you suffered a single GSW to your left lobe. Don't worry we got all of it out and it was merely a graze and we were able to get any gun residue out without further damaging your brain. The loss of memory from your TBI, traumatic brain injury, is called post-traumatic amnesia. It can last several weeks or months. Now don't worry, for most patients your memory does come back, however tragically in some cases the memories never do."
Oh. Billy's arm was the only comfort you received. His body pressed behind yours as he tried to soothe you.
"Don't worry darling, I'll be here all the way." you leaned your head on Billy's shoulder as the doctor began flipping through his pages.
"I'll just go ahead telling you what happened to cause this event. About two weeks ago you were brought in with a GSW. My team and I worked to get you to the condition you have now. Your husband has been here also for two weeks as well, I believe he was the one who brought you in." Billy's grip on you tightened as his jaw clenched. "That's all, if you have any questions I'll answer any of your questions." The man left the room.
You and Billy in silence, marvelling at the company and love that was bestowed upon you. You knew you love him, that was the only thing you were sure of. He knew he loved you. He couldn't lose you, not again.
"Billy." He hummed. "Could you tell me what happened?"
"You were shot." He said plainly, desperately trying to mask the pain in his voice.
You rolled your eyes. Obviously. "I meant specifically."
"Right." He cleared his throat."You were on a mission for Homeland and you saw the man that killed a coworker and uh he shot you." trying to keep his voice from wavering. Billy had just got you back and telling you meant he had to let you go again.
'Who's pretty now?" He rasped out with his KaBar knife still in Sam's gut.
"Sam!" A voice shrieked from behind him. Picking up the closest weapon, Sam's gun, he fired. His bullet grazing the very edge of the persons' skull. Billy walked over to the body lying on the floor intending on finishing the job, his KaBar knife shining in excitement. He neared the person lying on the ground only to find out it was you. Billy's heartbeat had never picked up so quickly, cradling your head as he picked up your unconscious body and ran. He would have to outrun Homeland with extra weight but he couldn't give two shits. Billy ran and ran. His foot thumped as he pushed his weight forward. It was an accident. It was an accident. It was an accident. Billy repeated in his head as he ran towards his car, any car.
It was an accident. He repeated as he clutched your head closer to him. Soaking his black shirt under his tactical gear with your blood. It was an accident. He thought as he felt tears rush their way out from his eyes, begging them to stop obstructing his view of you. It was an accident he thought as he saw you taken away from him in the emergency room. It was an accident he thought as he waited for you to get out of surgery, the clock taunting him with its ticking. It was an accident he thought as he sat by your bed holding your hand, pleading with you to wake up and come back to him. He didn't care if you hated him he just needed to know you would come back to him.
It was an accident he repeated as he looked through your things, finding your wedding band on a chain, pocketing it. It was an accident he recited as he looked into your eyes when you woke up, looking at him so innocently. It was an accident he repeated as his grip tightened on your arm as the doctor told you of the injury. It was an accident he recited as he told you that you were shot.
The reason why you were in the hospital was because of him. Now, he has the opportunity to make it up to you. To start a new. To be with you, for the rest of your lives, together.
Billy preened at you as he held you closer than he ever has. Billy had got you back and now he had no intention of ever letting you go. With his heartbeat steady, Billy vowed to never let you go, ever again.
WAITEAITWAIT CAN YOU MAKE A FOREIGN PT 2 WHERE SHE STARTS TO REMEMBER THINGS AND HE STARTS TO WORRY AND ONE DAY SHE LEAVES OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
( happy ending or not just make sure it’s heartbreaking and billy russo cries)
Exit Strategy [Billy.R] aka foreign pt2
pairing: billy russo x reader
summary: when billy thinks your memory is starting to come back he does everything he can to make sure it doesn't.
warnings: william 'billy' russo
a/n: Hello lovelies! this was the ask I was talking about. HEHEHE. I hope this lived up to your expectations anon HEHEHEHE. I was debating how I've wanted this to go for a while and yeah I think I'm happy with it! Thank you for all your support! Stay Hydrated <33
part 1 part 2 ask: alternate ending <3
"once you're in, we're in it for life"
"no exit strategy?" you asked, fondly staring down at Billy with his knee indenting the soft silk material of the petal filled bed.
"no exit strategy."
Feigning deep thought trying to provoke a reaction of the man kneeling before you, you creased your eyebrows together. Humming, you counted to ten hoping to build suspense." Then yes William, I will marry you." then the smile only meant for you bloomed on his face. His rough hands gently scooped your face, squishing it as he kissed you.
"But you know" pulling away from the sunshine that is him "If I have to, I will find an exit strategy."
"Maybe." His eyebrow quirked up. "but one, why would you want to when you get to have all this, to yourself." wiggling his brows suggestively as he grabbed your hand to place on his chest. "and two, why would I let you go?" Going back in and stealing a swift witty reply from your lips.
"So...this is a nice place you got here." you said against his lips, gesturing to the bed covered in petals.
"Yeah, I was expecting a little compensation." trying his very best to smoulder.
"Oh." you said in a teasing tone, a smile playing on your lips "But you're not getting any." pulling away from his reach. "I'm going to go look at my ring under the light” swinging your hips, sauntering away into the kitchen.
-
There’s was something about this moment. The harmony of raindrops falling creating a tempo, the quiet rumbling on the sky covered in a blanket of grey. The intimacy of just lying in bed together. The fondness you had for each other. The comfort that could only be found within him, that made you remember.
“Billy?” billy hummed as he continued stroking your hair. “no exit strategy.” you said whilst moving away from his chest.
Billy’s eyes searched yours and you looked towards him expectantly. Was that not what happened? “you remember?” billy gaped, hiding the slight sheen of panic enshrouding his eyes.
“I think—I think I'm starting too.” grinning widely as a sigh of relief left your lips. Your arms reached out towards him and engulfed billy in a tight embrace. Billy reciprocated the display and pushed you further into his chest.
He held you tighter and you weren’t sure why, but the heat and the simply gesture of not being able to get enough of you, made you relax into his figure.
To billy, it was as if you were slipping through his fingers and he couldn’t let that happen. This would be a hindrance and he wouldn’t let it be nothing more.
Billy wouldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let the last few months that he’d spent rebuilding his relationship with you to be in vain. To mean nothing. It would mean nothing if it were spoilt by your revelations of who he was.
So while he cradled you and nurtured your excitement, Billy was grasping. Grasping at any possibility of control. Grasping at a chance to ensure you would stay. For the life that you’ve rebuilt to remain, without the sins of his past plaguing his future.
He needed to keep you close. To tell you that any other dreams weren’t memory but dreams. That any instance of deja vu was just a coincidence. So that’s exactly what he did.
The months following Billy has kept you close—took you to the Anvil with him, stayed home with you on the days you didn’t want to leave, ensured that he’d only leave you when the situation was detrimental.
Due to the severity of your traumatic brain injury, Billy just had to wait a little longer. A little longer until the possibility of you recovering memories would be slim. Too slim for there to even be a probable fathomable chance.
He’d been doing research and the events prior to you being shot wouldn’t have been stored in your memory yet. You couldn’t remember the trauma, so how could you remember what billy had done a few weeks prior?
-
You were awakened by the soft thumping of raindrops against your window. Eyes still lidded with sleep, you stretched your arm over—hoping to feel billy’s soft hair and the tickle of his bread—but instead, you were greeted by disappointment your fingertips brushing on the cold comforter instead.
stretching, you grabbed your blanket as you walked out of the bedroom. the warm aroma of salted butter and maple permeated the air. the chill was combated by the heat radiating off the stove where two hot things stood.
“what’s this?” you ask as billy turned down the soft melody humming around the penthouse.
“This is breakfast.” placing a plate of pancakes and freshly brewed coffee in front of you.
There was something cheeky in his smile as he placed a chaste kiss on your forehead.
“I know what this is but—oo bacon!” grabbing a few strips and stuffing them in your mouth.
“wanted to do something nice for you today sweetheart.” pulling out a chair and sitting next to you.
chewing on the bacon overtaking your mouth, you narrowed your eyes at billy. he was up to something.
“what did you do?” you mumbled barely audible.
“nothing I promise. now go get changed so we can go to work.”
“you mean you can go to work while I sulk around all day with writers' block.” you groused.
The speech was taking you ages to write. You couldn’t even get past the first thing you wrote.
Hello everyone my name is
- but even that you scribbled out. Curtis had somehow managed to organise an event to honour and thank veterans for their service. Planning out this big event with caterers and reporters. You were honestly unsure how he managed to pull it off.
“why couldn’t Curtis ask you or frank to do it?”
“because we said we didn’t want to.” you groaned. “Also frank and I may have recommended you.”
“I hate you.”
“you can’t even look at me when you lie” smirking as he meet his forehead with yours. reaching his arms up to direct your face to look at him.
-
Anvil was Billy’s pride and joy, a symbol of how far he’s come. Of course, it would require much care. so once billy left to go meet up with potential clients, you told his assistant Anica that you were going to the closest store to pick up some food.
When at Anvil he was austere. Perceiving himself that way was understandable, no one needed to see their boss fragile, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. So, when the doors were locked and curtains were drawn, you would sit and have dinner with billy —rarely lunches cause he would leave the penthouse in the afternoon and stay late.
A tumultuous noise caught your attention as turned your head. A man with blonde hair and brown eyes was gesturing towards you, beckoning you to come closer? Confused you stepped backwards but the worry in his eyes had you startled. Your head tilted as the items you had picked up was swiped from your hold. You had slipped. Was there some type of reward for getting two Traumatic Brain Injuries in a year?
You hit the floor with a thud.
The lights blinded you. Flinching away from the harsh unwelcome of it. Without thinking your hands started digging into your pocket, struggling to get your phone out.
Fighting unconsciousness you clicked on Billy's contact and waited for the call to go through. It didn't.
No. This wasn't going to happen again. You didn't want to wake up in the hospital again. But then you saw flashes of images. It was billy.
Billy, in a different shirt. With unkempt hair. With a frown on his features.
"I'm sorry Billy you lied to me." you heard someone say. Only it was you. When did this happen?
"I'm sorry."
"We need some time apart." You said, voice sure but you knew you weren't.
"I love you. You love me. I love you and you love me."
Then the image changed but the constant was billy.
The soft glow of the sun adorned his features. The abyss of his dark eyes was no longer empty but with the love, he felt for you. "Yes," your voice firm as you gazed lovingly at the man before you.
You were tersely torn from your unconscious mind as a man shook you awake.
"Sorry I didn't make it clear enough."
"No, thank you for helping me up."
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah." Not yet, first, you need to talk to Russo.
Walking through the streets you were again hit with revelation after revelation. The perfume, the 'late nights' and the lies.
You decided to dial your husband again but to no avail, he didn't answer. It didn't matter, what you needed right now is to sort your thoughts out before you shout them out at Billy.
Grabbing the keys out of your bag you pleaded with yourself. Hoping that what you saw wasn't a memory. Billy was always there to assure you, but now that he isn't you weren't sure about anything. You knew one thing for sure, you were angry.
However, once the door opened, you were mollified. The glower on your face dropped, now reduced to a crease in your eyebrows. The smell of amiable roses suffused the penthouse and your senses as your eyes adjusted to account for the dimly lit room, shown only by the dull candlelight.
Billy stumbled out of the bedroom and was greeted by you at the doorway. Observing you as you looked around the room. You looked sad, worried, defeated.
Your eyes fell upon him and you couldn't tear them away. He was wearing the same tuxedo he was when he proposed. Sighing you dropped your bags.
Billy knew he wanted to do this for a while. To be able to express and tell you he had fallen in love with you again. That no matter what version of you you were he would always fall in love with you. Every single time. And he hoped you did too.
Billy walked towards you and grabbed your hands, squeezing them. "Y/n" your eyes even glistened and reflected the flames around the room. Gathering up his confidence, Billy straightened his shoulders as he prompted you to meet his eyes. "I did this once and I would do it a million times over. As many times as I need to, to make you remember. I-"
"We're not good for each other Billy." it broke your heart to say that. and it broke him to hear it.
You knew. It was the only way to explain it. Everything Billy had been working towards and everything he did was for nothing. You remembered.
It hit him. The look he saw in you earlier wasn't what he thought it was. It wasn't contempt. It wasn't regret. It was sorrow. Heart-wrenching sorrow as you watched the harsh unrelenting current of his lies pull you further away from him and the sand built castle where you have both been happy.
"You promised me.
"You said you wouldn't lie to me again. But you couldn't help yourself, could you? You saw an opportunity to get everything you want and you didn't care about the consequences."
"What consequences? You're my wife." his voice low
"Exactly! I am your wife but you couldn't even be honest with me could you?" disdain erupted in your voice.
"I can't even look at you right now." pulling back your hands and walking back into the bedroom.
Stunned you gasped. It looked beautiful. the room looked wondrous. Petals on the bed, a collection of photos strung up on lights, papers filled with poems left neatly piled on the bed. It all made you so much angrier. A shrill cry left your lips as you ignored the decorations and reached into your wardrobe.
Billy's presence alerted you as he stood watching in the doorway. You just kept on chanting under your breath 'you promised' as you made haste with your clothes and anything you could grab and throw into a bag.
"I asked you for some time alone after everything and you couldn't even do that?!"
"I had to be there for you! You got shot Y/n! What did you expect me to do? Let you rot and wake up alone and afraid?"
"I would rather wake up alone and afraid than waking up next to my husband who is unrecognisable to me." scoffing. "you are incorrigible."
"What do you mean you don't know who I am anymore. I'm right here. I am the only one here. I've been here for a year. Taking care of you."
" You haven't been here. Even before we separated you weren't here." your voice cracked. "You were out there with her."
Shaking his head Billy shut the bedroom door. “You and me, we were perfect.” he stated matter of factly.
Scoffing. "We were anything but.
"I know you need to achieve perfection in every single aspect of your life but you cant." Hands clasping your bag close. "Not here and definitely not with me.
"When we were serving together, we melded our hearts to each other. Making sure we would stay and this would last. But you billy, are the fire that scorched it apart." Scooping the bad up into your arms and you looked towards the door. Billy rushed to block your view and he stood in front of you.
"You won't leave me. You can't leave me." you knew the arrogance in his voice was only to keep it from breaking, but it didn't matter. He was right.
You hated that he was right. You knew he was. Billy made sure he did the only thing he knew how to could to keep you, he got you addicted.
"This is not healthy. Not for me not for you."
"I need you." alas you made another mistake, the one most detrimental to you. You looked at him.
Billy's face was sullen but it was soft. His voice was monotones but the pain behind it could not be held back even by him. Even the chilly room was warmed by the look in his eyes. The lights he had hung were now taunting him, shining brighter and reflecting off his now glossy eyes with everything he wants to say but can't.
"I need you too. You know I do. I just wanted sometime apa—”
"I gave you time apart.”
“ you gave me shit. you didn’t even explain why—“
“You didn’t give me a chance too!”
“You lied to me. What’s worse is that I am a higher ranking agent. You could’ve e said something. You wanted that case I would have got it for you. You wanted anything I would’ve give you everything.”
“But no you had to manipulate your way through everything because you don’t trust me. When are you going to realise i would’ve trusted you with anything. I trusted you.”
“No. Don’t say that shit. You still trust me.”
“Do I?”
“Don’t say that shit. When you and I both know you don’t mean it.” Billy raking his hands though his hair.
“I would’ve given you anything. You wanted that case? I would have gotten it for you. You wanted Madini to cooperate with you? I would have gotten it done. You wanted her to drop the case? I would’ve done it for you.
“you just had to ask me.” you voice barely a whisper. You were tired. tired with the fighting, with the lies with everything.
But you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t walk the door. Not now at least. You knew that if you didn’t walk out now, you never will. The iron bonds of your relationship with Billy that was forged in flames—grief, love and passion at the very heart of it—was swiftly cut by sheers forged billy’s manipulation. You never would’ve thought that the one person you loved. The one person you let in would do this to you.
You couldn’t take it anymore, succumbing to your feelings and you sat on paralysed on the bed. Billy knelt in from you.
“You are everything I need. Everything i could ever want. You and me we are in this together for life baby.”
Reaching his hand towards you checks, titling you head up, he swiped tears away. “I hate you.” you whisper.
“You can’t even look me in the eyes when you lie to me” he said lowly.
You looked up at him. Holding his face with both your hands, mirroring him, you made sure he couldn’t look away. “I hate what you’ve become.” you stated.
The chasm between you and billy extended once again, pushing you both further apart.
“you are so afraid of letting people in and accepting that they love you because you’re terrified. You are absolutely shit scared that they’re not going to want you. That everyone is like your mother.
so you ruin every chance at love because deep down you don’t think you're worth it. you don’t think you deserved to be loved. because the supposed unconditional love of a mother was never given to you so why would anyone else give you their limited love? If unconditional love failed then why would anything work?”
You didn’t mean to be harsh but there was no other way for billy to accept it, if he wasn’t slammed head first into it. You searched his eyes for any sense of understanding, remorse but instead you felt something wet land on your hands.
Billy felt everything. The pain of you leaving him. The fear when your blood soaked his shirt. The hurt of you hating him. The disdain he had for his mother for not wanting him. The grief of never having anyone to count on but himself.
“Billy. I would’ve done anything for you. I still will. I— You are all i have left. but i don’t—”
“I love you.” willing his voice to remain unshakable. “ Everything I’ve ever done was for us. Everything. I can't lose you again. Hate me, scream at me. Do anything just don’t go. I can't lose you again. I cant—”
Shaking his head, billy continued, grabbing your face as he bore his soul into yours. “I won’t lose you. I don’t care what I have to do, I won’t lose you.” overdue tears caused your hands to slip from his cheek.
It didn’t matter to you as you grabbed his neck and fell into him. In your grasp, Billy Russo was and forever will be vulnerable. Billy's hands grabbed your back and he stood up, lifting you both onto the bed. Cradling each other, being each other’s safe space.
“Tell me you still want me.”
You sharply inhaled. Billy needed the reassurance of course he does. But what was done had already been done. However, even though every logically thought in your body was screaming ‘run’, you knew no matter what he had done you could still never leave him. He is the sun that you could never do without. He is the one person that makes you feel alive. He is the one person you have ever loved. “Yeah. Yes, I still want you.”
Billy was right. You could never escape him and he would never let you go. Because once you're in it, you’re in it for life. There was never an exit strategy.
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Pairing: Aleksander Morozova x Fem! Healer! Reader
Summary: Aleksander has a kefta made especially for you for the upcoming fete. When you visit him later that evening, you find out he hasn't been entirely honest with you.
Warnings: There's one non-canon character named Ania that makes an appearance in order to move the plot along lmao
A/n: Soooo, I designed my own header!! Is that what it’s called? A header? Either way, the symbol in the middle is what I imagine Aleksander’s symbol to look like.
Word Count: 2.9k
Part 3 < current > Part 5 (Coming Soon)
Slowly slipping out of a pleasant dream, a knocking penetrates the haze of sleep clouding your brain. It’s been two weeks since your foiled escape attempt, and you’re finding it harder and harder to want to leave. Your relationship with Aleksander is… confusing at best, but you can’t ignore the warmth that blooms in your chest everytime you see him. Sometimes, you think back on the night he told you his name and wonder whether you two could really be something, but the more pessimistic voice in the back of your head is always quick to squash that hope.
The knocking persists and you groan, calling out a rather annoyed, “Coming!” As you toss the covers off your body. When you open it, you’re met with a familiar face.
“Good morning!” Fedyor smiles and you smile back despite the lingering sleepiness.
“Morning, Fedyor.” You yawn, rubbing at your eyes. You hear him chuckle.
“Sleep well?” You only hum in response, “Late night?” You huff a small laugh and nod.
“Do you need me for something?”
“Oh! Yes, actually. The General sent me to fetch you for Genya.” You perk up at the mention of Aleksander and a knowing smile spreads across his face.
“He did?” You should be asking who Genya is, but it’s early and you can only focus on one thing at a time right now, “Did he say why?”
“He said she has something for you.”
“Oh.” You wonder what it could be, “Um, not to be rude, but who exactly is Genya?”
“You haven’t met her yet?” You shake your head, “She’s the queen’s tailor. I’m sure you’ll love her.”
You nod, “I’m sure I will. Could you wait here for a moment? I still have to get dressed.”
“Right, sorry!” He chuckles, watching you close the door.
You dress quickly and soon enough, Fedyor is leading you through the halls of the palace. You recognize the hallway you turn down as something of a guest wing, each door leading to a different lavish bedroom. For a moment, you think perhaps he may have taken a wrong turn. Until he opens one of the doors to reveal a woman with fiery red hair stood next to a bed, a red kefta laid out on the quilt in front of her.
“You must be Y/n.” She smiles, holding her hand out to you, “I’m Genya.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” You smile back, shaking her hand, “If I’m being completely honest, I’m not entirely sure why I’m here.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to. I suspect General Kirigan wanted this to be a surprise.” She smiles, stepping away from the bed and gesturing to the kefta.
You glance once more at her before stepping closer to inspect the garment. It’s the same red as the one you’re wearing now, black and grey embroidery swirling along the seams to represent both your healing and heartrendering abilities.
The big difference is the collar. What’s usually supposed to be a darker red is black, tufts of dark fur poking out along the edge from the lining. The buttons and the edges of the outer layer match it, the fabric shiny and almost satin-like .
“He had it custom made for you for the fete.” Genya states, watching you run your fingertips over the fabric.
“Is this allowed? I thought he was the only one allowed to wear black.” You open one side to find the entire thing is lined with soft black fur, just as you thought. Running a hand over the inside, you spot a symbol embroidered in silver thread. It’s small and a couple tiny tufts of fur obscure little parts of it, but you manage to catch it. You brush back a few hairs to properly look at it and when you do, your breath catches in your chest.
A moon in eclipse. Right over where your heart will be.
You notice that the thread work isn’t as precise as the rest of the embroidery. It’s still beautiful and very well done, but the edges are the tiniest bit uneven and there’s a couple of almost unnoticeable gaps in some of the thinner lines where the needle didn’t quite meet the last backstitch. This was hand embroidered.
“Typically, he is, but no one dares question him on a good day. Let alone over the colour of a kefta.” She laughs, “I almost did when he asked to have it before giving it to you, but he seemed very serious about whatever it was he was doing.”
Could he have—? No, there’s no way.
“How long did he have it for?” You ask, flipping the coat closed to prevent either of them from seeing the symbol. For some reason, it feels like a secret that’s meant to be kept between you and Aleksander.
“Five days? Give or take?” Fedyor replies and you both turn to look at him, “What? I saw it on his desk five days after you gave it to him and the next, it was gone.”
“On his desk?” Genya asks, expression muddled with confusion.
Meanwhile, you’ve checked out of the conversation completely. He had it for five days. On his desk.
Aleksander hand embroidered his symbol into a kefta made specifically for you.
Perhaps your relationship isn’t as confusing as you thought.
“You said this is for the fete?” Genya nods.
“Yes, it is.” She sees you eying it and fiddling with the hem, “Would you like to try it on?”
“If you don’t mind, yes.” You smile bashfully.
“We’ll leave you to it.” She smiles back, leading fedyor out of the room.
You’re quick to strip yourself of your current kefta, draping it over the side of the bed before slipping into your new one. The fur is soft against your neck and keeps you pleasantly warm. Making your way over to the mirror, you admire the look of it again as you do up the buttons. You do a little spin, craning your neck to catch a glimpse of the back.
“You look lovely.” You yelp whipping around to face an amused Aleksander. He chuckles softly, “I apologise, I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“It’s alright.” You titter, hand press over your racing heart, “Um, thank you. It’s beautiful.”
You turn back to the mirror to admire the kefta again, oblivious to the fact that his gaze hasn’t left you, “It’s gorgeous.”
Watching him come to stand behind you in the reflection of the mirror, you smile shyly, looking down at your hands as you pick at the edges of your cuffs, “I noticed your addition.”
“My addition?” You look up to find he almost looks surprised.
“The eclipse on the inside.” He huffs a bashful laugh and you can hear his heart thud a little faster in his chest, “You’re talented with a needle.”
“You like it?” He asks,
You nod, looking up at him with a mischievous glint in your eye, “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were attempting to court me.”
“Do you?” He asks, smile matching your energy.
“Do I what?” Carefully, hesitantly, he takes your wrist and turns you around to face him.
“Know better?” His gaze bores into yours and for a moment, you forget how to breathe.
“I thought I did.” You whisper, searching his eyes for any sign that he isn’t being serious, that this is a trick. You don’t find one. In fact, with the way he’s looking at you, one might think he’d mistaken you for a living saint, “Perhaps I was wrong.”
“Or perhaps,” His gaze flicks down to your lips, hand slowly sliding up your arm to tentatively ghost the pads of his fingers over the side of your neck, “I haven’t been clear.”
“Clear about what?” Your voice is barely above a whisper, and you wonder if he can feel your breath fanning over his face like you can his.
“My feelings for you.” His hand is cradling your cheek now, lips mere millimetres from yours. Gripping the lapels of his kefta, you let your eyes fall shut halfway, the pounding of both your hearts a dull but prominent sound in your ears. He nudges your nose with his ever so gently, his next words coming out as a soft but earnest request, “Can I?”
“Please.” You breathe and he smiles, closing the short distance to slot your bottom lip between his.
The kiss is languid, gentle, tongues ebbing and flowing like the tides of the sea. There’s a slight but pleasant tingle that starts at your lips before spreading throughout your body, only amplifying your desire to be closer, to feel him. Sliding your arms up and over his shoulders, you lace your fingers in the hair at the base of his neck and tug him closer. He hums a low, gravelly sound that comes from the back of his throat and pulls you flush against him by your waist. Sighing into his mouth, you barely get the chance to suck in a breath before his lips are back on yours, devouring you with fervour, a far cry from what the kiss was just moments before.
He consumes you, overwhelms your every sense. He’s all you can feel, lips molding against yours, palms firm against your waist. He’s all you can hear, breathing heavy, heart thudding in tandem with your own. Saints, you can even sense the blood rushing through his veins. At this moment, you swear you’re the only two people in the palace, the only two people in the world.
When he pulls back, you chase him, eyes still closed when he rests his forehead against yours, “You have no idea how long I’ve wished to do that.”
“Considering the fact that I can hear your heartbeat every time I enter a room, I think I do.” He laughs at that and you can’t help but giggle along with him.
He steals a few more quick pecks before someone knocks on the door. When he calls a quick, “Come in” and turns to address Ivan, you move to pull away. Only you’re stopped by his hand on your waist, holding you at his side.
“Moi soverenyi.” Ivan bows low before righting himself, looking serious as always, “You’re needed in the war room.”
“Thank you, Ivan. I’ll be there in a moment.” Ivan nods, glancing once at you before promptly exiting, closing the door behind him.
He turns back to you, pulling you to him by your hips and meeting your lips briefly, “I’ll see you tonight,” You steal a kiss this time and he smiles, laughing into it, short puffs of air brushing against your skin, “As usual?”
“As usual.” You grin, and he kisses you once more before making his way over to the door.
He’s halfway there when he turns around and rushes back to you, cradling your face between his palms and stealing the breath from your lungs again. He seems reluctant to let you go, but eventually the responsible part of his brain forces him to pull away, finally leaving to follow Ivan.
<————>
Hours pass and the sun sets, the dining hall lit up by the lights above. You’re currently sitting with Fedyor and a girl named Nadia. Despite her being a fair few years younger than you, she’s been nothing but kind and cordial, going out of her way to talk to you when virtually no one else would.
You’re picking at your plate of food when you’re approached by a girl who looks around Nadia’s age. She’s accompanied by a couple others, and they’re giggling amongst themselves when she speaks up, “Hi, I’m Ania.”
“Erm, hello.” You feel rather awkward and a little suspicious at her tone, giddy and peppy in a way that reminds you of a few girls that used to tease you when you were young. Still, you try to be friendly, offering them a small, albeit tense smile, “I’m Y/n. Can I help—?”
“Is it true that the general had a Kefta made especially for you?” She blurts, interrupting you.
“Oh, erm…” Your face flushes and you glance sidelong at Fedyor, and he looks back at you with just as much confusion. If there’s one thing you’ve learned in your months of being here, it’s that people really like to gossip. You aren’t entirely sure how it spread through the grapevine so quickly, but you have a feeling it started somewhere along the chain of people who were tasked with making the garment for you. You figure there’s no harm in telling the truth. They’ll find out soon enough anyways, “Yes, he did.”
Before the girl has a chance to respond, there’s a screech of wood against tile adjacent to you that startles the life out of you. When you turn you catch a glimpse of a rather peeved looking Zoya storming out of the dining hall. That can’t be good.
“I wonder what her problem is.” Ania scoffs before turning back to you, “Sorry for bothering you like this. We heard a rumour and we just had to know if it was true.”
“Oh, that’s alright.” You smile, waving a rather perplexed wave when they bid you a very rushed goodbye. You turn back to your friends and laugh a little despite yourself, “That was… odd.”
“It’s not out of the ordinary for Ania. She and her friends are a little too friendly sometimes.” Nadia explains, stabbing a vegetable with her fork and nibbling at it, “Gets them into trouble from time to time, but they mean well.”
You hum, returning to your own food.
You finish rather quickly, eager to make your way to the war room for the evening. When you get there, Aleksander is where he usually is, hunched over his desk looking serious as ever. He doesn’t notice you until you move the chair over to his desk.
“Y/n.” His gaze softens immediately and the warmth that blooms in your chest makes you want to scream, “You’re early. Did you not eat?”
There’s a very subtle crease between his brows as you smile at him, “I did, don’t worry. I was just eager to get some work done.”
“Were you?” Amusement sparkles in his eyes as he sees through your half assed lie.
You hum and sit down, plucking your pen from the desk. He notices you worrying your lip and frowns.
“Something’s plaguing you.”
Looking up at him, you huff out something between a sigh and a laugh, “Am I that transparent?”
“No,” You quirk a brow at him, and he chuckles, “You bite at your bottom lip when you’re thinking.”
“Oh.”
He hums, gaze roaming your face.
“I’m just… I’ve been thinking.”
“About?”
“You said if I didn’t agree to become an oprichnik, I’d be tried for treason.” You start and he nods slowly, “I just…How did you get the king to agree to that? I’ve never met him, but I know he isn’t exactly known for his generosity.”
There’s a flash of something in his eyes before he leans back in his chair with a subtle sigh, gaze averted and hand rubbing at his mouth before meeting his other to twirl his ring. A sick, sinking feeling settles in your gut and your voice comes out quiet, “Aleksander?”
He meets your eyes, and you realise that what you saw flash behind them a moment before was guilt, “I didn’t.”
You swallow hard, sitting up straight in your chair, “What do you mean you didn’t?”
“When he asked if we’d found the person responsible for the safe house, I told him we’d found a powerful heartrender living on the edge of Duva.” He explains, watching your expression morph into one of confusion and anger, “And that I’d like to make her an Oprichnik.”
“You lied to me?” There’s a sharp pang of something in your chest that makes your body flush with a flare of vexation.
“It wasn’t a lie,” He says cautiously, “It was a half truth. A half truth that spared your life.”
Frustration flares in your chest, both because you’d been deceived and the fact that he’s right. If he’d told the full truth, you would have been dead months ago. He says your name carefully and places his hand out palm up on the desk, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you.”
“You’re right. You shouldn’t have.” Your words are sharper than you intended and he sighs. You know he’s being genuine. If he were lying again, his heart rate would give him away, something you’re actively focusing on now considering it slipped past you the first time. Whether he lied to you or not, he saved your life, and you suppose it would be unfair of you to condemn him completely. With a sigh, you take his outstretched hand, meeting his gaze, “Don’t do it again.”
He lets out a small breath and smiles, squeezing your hand, “I’d never dream of it, milaya.”
“Pet names? Is this your attempt at winning me over again?” You tease and he laughs, a bright and relieved sound that bubbles up from his throat.
“Perhaps.” He grins boyishly at you and leans in a little closer, “Is it working?”
“Perhaps.” You echo, closing the distance between you to meet his lips in a slow and tentative kiss.
A/N: Oh my god, I am so sorry! I forgot to tag people lmao
It should be fixed now. If anyone else wants to be added, again, just let me know in the replies :)
a/n: hello lovelies! i haven’t written in a while and i’m back with a this. hope you enjoy! stay hydrated!! <33
motorcycle alarms are weird. where are the sensors? where does the noise come from? why install one when you have magic?
the alarms emit a sharp polarising noise that drums ears and rattles brains. while you understood it was for safety measures, it had sensitivity issues; often triggered by fly or even the very real presence of your boyfriend.
so there you were —yellow lights casting your shadow beneath you, seemingly taking pleasure in spotlighting your lonesome—drowning your boredom with a crisp permafrosted coke as that very noise that induced headaches blared through the windows of the bar (you could’ve sworn that your glass almost broke).
with a heavy sigh, you reached for your keys turning to aim for the alarm only for your eye to catch on the shine of a leather jacket, accompanied by a denim, knitted sweater and jumper.
the robbers were meek. two of them: denim and leather, pulled up their outerwear up using it to shield their heads. all of them seemed to be arguing. you clicked your tongue, not very good at robbing.
“what do you think?” the familiarity in the voice, reverberated in your bones catching on an old feeling etched into your heart.
the man finally dropped his disguise to reveal long voluminous dark hair, absorbing the cool illuminating cast of streetlight. you were always jealous of that hair.
the man finally dropped his disguise to reveal long voluminous dark hair, absorbing the cool illuminating cast of streetlight. you were always jealous of that hair.
he turned, recognition striking though him leaving a mark in the rubbled floor. the other men with a lament expression slowly turned their feet only to be met with surprise.
“you.” it was almost better than the serendipity you’d gotten when you said your name again for the first time in years.
“sirius.” a brisk jog was granted in return as he reached for your waist and spun you around, a reminiscent giggle erupted from you.
a cough cause him to drop you as you ran over to the other guys and hugged each of them. after hogwarts, you had all drifted apart especially with the people you didn’t want too. You withdrew and that was your fault. but nothing could stop the sudden joy that bubbled in your chest as you embraced the boys.
you stared at the ring on james’ left hand and couldn’t be happier that your cousin and their if they won’t they situation finally resolved.
“what are you doing out here?” peter asked, his cheeks pinched with the cold air flourished pink.
“well, four idiots tried to steal my ride.” their eyes widened.
“this is yours?” remus asked, unbelieving, seeming to check for validation like your initials were scratched onto the side.
you made a noise of agreement. “she did say she wanted to get one.” sirius said, admiring the seat, it was cracked but somehow he still looked at it with wonder.
“you remembered?”
“yeah.” with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulder, your eyes begun to twinkle with bewilderment. You both discussed it during a haze filled with hard liquor and a colourful invading atmosphere.
“sorry about triggering the alarm.” james said, his hand rubbing his neck. “sirius sitting on it and pretending to ride it”
you chuckled, picturing how stupid sirius probably looked as he made engine noises with his mouth as the other guys: james and peter became the wind in his hair while remus kept lookout occasionally adding some sirens to add to the trill of sitting on another’s persons motorcycle.
“do you want to ride on it? i could take you home?” you asked, smiling at your ‘almost’ as he searched for sincerity in your eyes.
“yeah! i mean yeah, why not?” he nervously tittered. “prongs, moony, wormtail, meet you back at the house?” the men nodded in agreement.
As you got your bike off where it was parked and positioned it, you caught from a rear view mirror how the james exaggerated a wink, remus wiggled his eyebrows and peter pursed his lips together into a kiss. It was nice to know they didn’t lose their spark.
“you coming?” he beamed and there it was: that grin of his. A smile that could erase the night sky and collapse nebulas to blaze stars into existence.
No stranger to the flutter in your chest, stalling your breathes you adjusted the engine, sirius took your hand in his and you stilled. Looking up at him with a question written in your eyebrows. “i’m driving.” and as if reading your mind “you don’t know where we’re going.”
the drive began slow, sirius adjusted to the gears but once he did, thrill possessed him and nothing could stop him. “that’s a red light! sirius!”
“we’ll make it! i promise!” whooping he yelled. you could sense that a side of his lips twitched up and couldn’t help how your body tensed, bracing yourself for the inevitable.
as soon as sirius passed the light, it turned green, you wished you’d be more relived but couldn’t stop yourself from breaking into a simper.
“we’re almost there!”
while it wasn’t safe and he knew that, sirius could resist the aching temptation of stealing a look at you from the side mirror. His heart fluttered and an all consuming warmth engulfed him as he admired the way you spread your arms and giggled at the sensation of the cold prickling your cheeks and your hair blown out of your face, your perfume mixing his cologne a melodious symphony of smells.
sirius’ eyes sparkled, the dark of it catching light he looked at you with awe and when you beamed it was as if the world around him dimmed and you shone brighter.
a maelstrom of old sentiment, fondness, ardour was made anew, refreshed and caught you both.
the ride halted at godric hollows, outside a house with life emanating from the inside. you could already tell this was were James and Lily lived. Sirius stepped off and offered his hand to help you down.
with his hand wrapped in yours, your belly bloomed a weird old feeling that you wanted to sink in. he led you to the doorstep and took your other hand in his.
there was something in the gentleness in his features, how his shoulders seemed to slack, loosened your lips. “ i should’ve reached out.”
his eyebrows crossed and caused you to bite the inside of your cheek. “yeah you should’ve. but i should’ve too.”
you both weren’t strangers to this mercurial fondness but you wanted something more permanent, stability.
“look i-“ “i wanted to say-“ a nervous laughter escaped you both as you tightened your grip on his hands.
“i don’t know how to say this but i felt that we were almost something and i was wondering whether you wanted to do something? together? i liked you and—“
sirius had nothing to lose anymore and evrything to gain. He finally had a chance, no longer caught in a despondent stupor of uncertainty and his gumption returned to him, he halted and breathed. Then his lips melted with your own. you slung your arms around his shoulders.
he pulled away. “wait, liked?”
chasing his lips, you nodded “like.like.” repeating the words while you found his lips and placed haste kisses. Sirius grinned into the kiss whilst his other hand reached up to cup your cheek, stroking it to deepen it further.
breathless, the two of you parted. “better than i imagined.” sirius whispered under his breath causing you to giggled and flush.
“so you thought about that?”
“only every other hour” he smirked widely, flashing his teeth. how did you fall for that?
“i should go”
“and i should call you.” you smiled as your hand lingered on sirius’ slightly dragging him along. You stumbled back onto the pebbles leading out of the front of the house, passing the motorcycle and patting down your attire ready to apparate.
“wait! your bike!” he said loudly with urgency, you simply smile in return. you got all you could out of that bike and it was insurance.
“to make sure we see each other again…” grinning madly.
sirius ran to you and pulled a ring off his finger and attached it to his necklace. “to make sure we see each other again.”
sirius placed the necklace around your neck and unlike yours, he grinned softly. pressing your forehead to his, you kissed for the last time that night, a kiss that welcomed chaos and affection wholeheartedly.
with a whoosh you were no longer there. but your lingering presence cause the young man to thank his star because he was left with a motorcycle he planned to refurbish and new annual day to celebrate falling in love again with his almost.
