Eik♥

#Valproate products are typically used to treat bipolar disorder (manic-depressive disorder), seizures and migraine headaches. “Off-label”, or unapproved uses, include treatment of other psychiatric disorders. The Food & Drug Administration, (#FDA) is advising that study results indicate that children born to pregnant mothers who took #valproate #sodium products throughout their pregnancy may give birth to children that score lower on IQ tests and cognitive tests than othe women. Valproate products include the following:

#Depacon (valproate sodium)

#Depakote

#Depakote CP

#Depakote ER (divalproex sodium)

#Depakene

#Stavzor, or generic versions of #valproic acid

In sum, the FDA is warning and alerting consumer that women who take, or took anti-seizure medication #Valproate may give birth to children with impaired, or delayed, cognitive impairment. Cognitive impairment is used to measure milestones in learning and development in comparison to other children. Cognitive tests are used to measure development in areas of intelligence, abstract reasoning and problem solving.  The FDA’s alert concedes that the long term effect on cognitive development from valproate exposure is unknown. Risks of increased risk for neural birth defects (spina bifida) and other birth defects have be known and warned of in existing warning information. However, new data has led to efforts to include information about cognitive test scores and related issues in the “Warnings and Precautions” and “Use in Specified Populations” sections of the drug labels. Any women concerned about the foregoing should speak to her medical provider and not simply stop taking her medication without a medical consultation.

Gabriel F. Zambrano, P.A., is investigating cases of fetal harm, birth defects and injuries, from the use of valporate products outlined above. Additional information on the FDA Drug Safety Communication is available from the FDA at http://www.fda.gov and http://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DrugSafety/ucm261543.htm 

Since I’ve had several people ask me this question, I thought it warranted its own post. 

A lot of you have friends, partners or family members who have either recently been diagnosed or who’ve had a previous diagnosis of BPD and just “came out” to you. You want to help (and that’s awesome!) but you aren’t sure how. As someone who’s diagnosed with BPD (and MDD) here’s my advice:

1. Start with validation. 

The most important thing you can do for someone with BPD (or anyone, really) is to validate them. Basically, validating means recognizing what someone is going through in an empathetic way. You’d think that’d be easy to do, but most people screw it up! This video is really helpful in understanding how to be empathetic and validating:

2. Don’t try to relate. 

Often, in an effort to let someone know they’re not alone, we try to relate. The impulse comes from a good place, but it usually does more harm than good. Here’s a real-life example: once when I was in high school, I told a friend I was adopted. I just threw it out there because it came up in the conversation somehow and it clearly caught her off-guard. In an effort to bridge the gap she saw between us, she grasped at the first negative “secret” she could think of and blurted out “I had ringworm once!” Bless her heart.

If someone tells you they have BPD and your first response is to say something about yourself and your own suffering… just don’t. They might smile on the outside but on the inside they’re thinking:

Wow dude, way to make it about you. So you’re saying this huge thing I’m going through isn’t a big deal? Okay, that thing and my thing are not the SAME thing. You clearly don’t get it and I probably won’t open up to you about this again.

3. Don’t question the diagnosis. 

You may want to reassure your friend that they’ll be okay by pointing out that they’re not “that bad.” My dude, do NOT do this. This is a form of invalidation and it’s one of the worst things you can do to someone with BPD. In your head you may be trying to say, “I believe in you because you’re a strong and capable person” but what they’ll hear is “Wow you think you’re such a special snowflake and your problems aren’t even real. PLEASE.”

Also keep in mind that people with BPD are like glaciers. You only see the very tip of their symptoms that break through the surface. They are probably hiding a LOT more that they aren’t telling you about – and for good reason. There are a lot of BPD behaviors that aren’t pleasant and would be easily judged by others. So while your friend may not seem that bad to you, they could be practicing behaviors like:

compulsive gambling or impulsive overspending drug use, ODing, combining drugs in dangerous ways (like drinking on meds or mixing meds) risky sexual behavior  self harm (including behaviors that might not leave marks) disordered eating (they can be doing this even if they’re not severely over or under weight) etc.

Keep this in mind and don’t assume you know the whole picture.

4. Don’t try to GET the whole picture.

You’re probably curious about exactly why your friend was diagnosed with BPD, but do them a favor and don’t grill them about it or their symptoms. I mean, would you want to talk about the above behaviors over a Grand Slam at Denny’s? Because I sure as fuck don’t. Also, when you start asking for specifics, BPD cats feel like you don’t believe them and that they somehow have to “prove” their illness to you (or to themselves) which could lead them to up the ante on their dangerous behaviors. NOT GOOD. 

Also keep in mind that the “why” behind a BPD diagnosis isn’t a simple answer. It may be one they themselves never fully understand, but the big picture can and usually does involve painful memories like instances of sexual or physical abuse. These are issues your friend will probably be more comfortable talking about with their therapist and doctors.

5. Ask open-ended questions. 

Instead of focusing in specifics, ask broad questions that allow your friend to open up if they want to. Here are some good ideas:

How are things going?

How do you like your new therapy group?

Have you learned any new DBT skills that you like?

What can I help you with this week?

6. Treat them like a widow.

I know that sounds weird but stick with me. Recently, I had my first bonified lock-up in a psych ward. I reached out to two of my closest friends and they helped me. After I escaped (kidding) they continued to help me. One of those friends had lost both of her parents and said to me, “Look, you were there for me then and I’m here for you now.” And although those two scenarios are very different, it made me realize that the kind of help needed can be similar in a lot of ways. 

Here are some things you can do:

Offer to drive them to therapy or doctors visits.

Schedule coffee dates after their appointments so they can relax and have support.

Cook meals together – I think this has been one of the most helpful things for me, not only because it helps me eat well-rounded meals, but also because it’s a fun social activity that’s very low-stress.

Help them care for their pets, buy groceries or even clean up around the house.

Get them out of the house to do fun new things.

By no means should you push these things on people, but it is okay to push a tiny little bit. They will likely feel bad accepting any kind of help because they’ll feel like a burden, so push a little bit but try to be aware and back off if they seem genuinely uncomfortable. 

7. Don’t betray their trust. 

What your friend tells you about their mental illness stays between you and them. The fact that they told you at all really means they trust you – so don’t betray their trust.

In the event that your friend says or does something that makes you fear for their safety or someone else’s safety – tell them. Ask them to talk to you about it, then consider calling 1 (800) 273-8255. That’s the National Suicide Hotline, and the calls are completely confidential. Explain the scenario to them and they’ll tell you what you should do. This is a much better idea than violating your friend’s trust by disclosing things to other people they know in real life.

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

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Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

I’ve been seeing lots of negativity lately (IM SO SORRY FOR ALL THOSE SERENA REBLOG OH MY GOD) so I felt some positive Flowey could help a bit!

I think “quiet borderline” is a problematic term because it separates people with BPD into “good borderline” and “bad borderline” categories. People with BPD are pressured into being a “quiet borderline,” even though being a “quiet borderline” can be really harmful to us. I think it’s a potentially abusive divider which silences people with BPD by placing them into categories while simultaneously making “quiet borderline” a desired state of being and something a person with BPD should be in order to be loved. 

I think it’s important to differentiate symptoms which are externalized and internalized, but even then, I think people with BPD can vary in that we internalize some symptoms and externalize others. I don’t think any one person is truly “quiet” or “loud,” and so the terms are incredibly useless when instead you could just say you either externalize or internalize your symptoms. 

About 70% of people with BPD have experienced abuse, and one common thing I’ve noticed from abusers is that they want their victims to be quiet. It was a common theme with me in my abusive relationships throughout my life. My abusers always wanted to find some way to silence me. Those experiences undoubtedly shaped my BPD into what it is today, so I think the pressure of being a “quiet borderline” is extra harmful.

This is a masterpost for family, friends, and partners of those suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. 

Note: If you are seeing a reblogged version of this, be sure to check the original post, because I will be updating this post as I find/create more resources.

Resources

Tips for loved ones of people with BPD

7 Tips for when you know and love someone with BPD

Being supportive of your BPD loved one

How can I support a loved one with BPD?

What are some tips for helping partner when I’m also mentally ill?

My loved one thinks I’m not trying, but I am?

Why does my borderline loved one keep “making up problems”?

Advice for addressing my loved one’s irrational fears?

How do I help my loved one understand I’m not going to leave them?

My loved one keeps ignoring/avoiding me?

What are some misconceptions about BPD?

What kind of stigma do they face, and what is the truth?

More information about borderline stigma?

What is it like to have BPD?

I would like to know more about people with BPD in relationships?

How can I help a suicidal loved one?

How to help a friend with BPD

How can I be there for my loved one and also take care of myself?

More Information about Borderline Personality Disorder

What is BPD? What is the diagnostic criteria?

How common is BPD?

What causes BPD?

Recommended Reading

Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder

The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide

Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified

Recommended Links

DBT Skills and Related Info Masterpost

What’s wrong with the book Stop Walking on Eggshells?

What’s wrong with BPD Family?

What does it mean to be “neurotypical”? “Neurodivergent”? “Allistic”?

What is executive dysfunction?

Can I reblog your posts even if I don’t have BPD?

The morning after I killed myself, I woke up.

I made myself breakfast in bed. I added salt and pepper to my eggs and used my toast for a cheese and bacon sandwich. I squeezed a grapefruit into a juice glass. I scraped the ashes from the frying pan and rinsed the butter off the counter. I washed the dishes and folded the towels.

The morning after I killed myself, I fell in love. Not with the boy down the street or the middle school principal. Not with the everyday jogger or the grocer who always left the avocados out of the bag. I fell in love with my mother and the way she sat on the floor of my room holding each rock from my collection in her palms until they grew dark with sweat. I fell in love with my father down at the river as he placed my note into a bottle and sent it into the current. With my brother who once believed in unicorns but who now sat in his desk at school trying desperately to believe I still existed.

The morning after I killed myself, I walked the dog. I watched the way her tail twitched when a bird flew by or how her pace quickened at the sight of a cat. I saw the empty space in her eyes when she reached a stick and turned around to greet me so we could play catch but saw nothing but sky in my place. I stood by as strangers stroked her muzzle and she wilted beneath their touch like she did once for mine.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to the neighbors’ yard where I left my footprints in concrete as a two year old and examined how they were already fading. I picked a few daylilies and pulled a few weeds and watched the elderly woman through her window as she read the paper with the news of my death. I saw her husband spit tobacco into the kitchen sink and bring her her daily medication.

The morning after I killed myself, I watched the sun come up. Each orange tree opened like a hand and the kid down the street pointed out a single red cloud to his mother.

The morning after I killed myself, I went back to that body in the morgue and tried to talk some sense into her. I told her about the avocados and the stepping stones, the river and her parents. I told her about the sunsets and the dog and the beach.