hell is my thing

when i feel fucked up i go into my lab and break open the fluid tanks killing the genetically engineered waifus inside

your dog looked at me funny so naturally I had to fell it with one wicked blow

like what if i go to the kitchen at night to get some water and an underwater cave system is there

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured

it's disorienting when you beat me with a shovel

1 beer in and i start telling people to surrender

As a kid, I wasn’t allowed to touch the hot stove with my bare hands. But now I get to do it whenever I want

its almost time for my next dose of candy

i should quit my job and search for the golden ant

its actually going pretty well

Ah man, what a long day. Goodnight, Tim. *kisses the Tim Heidecker side of my Tim and Eric dakimakura* *flips pillow* Goodnight, Eric. *kisses the Eric Wareheim side of my Tim and Eric dakimakura* *falls asleep* *has a terrible nightmare*