Apathetic

Today’s struggle is being beautiful.

We put makeup on to be beautiful. We buy fancy things to seem beautiful. We go through health journeys to grow beautiful. And we work our minds to full capacity to acquire something beautiful.

Everyone wants to be beautiful. So when we figure out that our whole being can’t be beautiful we pursue to fill the lacking parts.

Somehow, it seems like we were designed to achieve beauty. We are like machines who won’t live without the power of something beautiful and would be broken when the ugly truth gets inside our system.

We all wish to be beautiful…

We all wish to be beautiful because of love.

At the end of the day when the ugly sets, all we ever ask… Wasn’t this a lovely day? Did they love it? Have I found love? Was I loved?

But the truth is having and attaining it is exhausting, especially, to those unfortunate ones who have so little beauty in them.

Then we realize, no one wants to strive to be beautiful their whole lives. At one point we just want to have contentment even when most parts of ourselves are ugly than beautiful. And we all could just settle for ‘slightly pretty’.

(in no particular order)

• Civil Engineering License

• Taiwan

• Davao

• 4-month infatuated state that ended mildly bad

• San Juan Beach (not so pretty one) after more than a year

• First National Convention (that wasn’t worth it. plus only got 8 credits instead of 9. so full of bs.)

• Certified Saftey Officer

• Brenda, my inner sabotuer was a bitch for testing my mental health. It was a month of feeling useless and ugly. It was an existential crisis I didn’t know would last that long. Not only that, I still have repercussions to this day. Despite all that shit I think my anxiety and depression isn’t full blown yet.

• Discovering RuPaul’s Drag Race and Modern Family literally lifted me from my self-made hell. God Bless the creators of the show.

• DJI Osmo 2

• Meike 35mm f/1.7

• First very initmate experiences which wasn’t ideal. (don’t make decisions like going on tinder if you just came from a mental struggle. ESPECIALLY if its your first fucking time)

• Bruno the pug (my child)

• Duke the chihuahua (second child)

• Killed my mom’s child, Pinocchio the chihuahua because I was a careless bitch

• Student Driver’s License

• Got some scratches on my Dad’s car

• Finally cleaned and had a new set up for my room (quietly prays for good maintenance)

• currently P 30,000 + on my bank account ( I know why only that much? I think I need to cut my hands off to avoid spending)

• Cebu

• Registered Voter (finally)

• learning piano (thanks to garage band)

• two oath-takings honey

• stepping in the world of country

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The Orchidarium

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Beautiful Jungle.

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Unicorn Café.

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Sky Lines never fails to attract.

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Model: Mikhail

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Model: Mikhail