𝒾neffable, ℯffable, ℯffanineffable

         ﹫𝔢𝔣𝔣𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔢𝔣𝔣𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔰

        𝕤unday 𖬺 𝒹eus

        𝒽e/𝒽im ∘ 𝓂ale

        𝒶dult ﹕ 𝓂dni

         ﹫𝔧𝔢𝔩𝔩𝔦𝔠𝔩𝔢-𝔰𝔭𝔞𝔪

I wonder how many yanderes mask not because they actually care, but because it is systematically easier to maintain the current status quo if you have a positive reputation.

I'm not even referring to gaining an audience, building friendships, or building a rapport with your darling.ㅤBasic functioning is simply easier when you allow people to shut their minds off and see what they want to see.

Of course, they can know you're borderline, narcissistic, anti-social, histrionic, schizoid, or bipolar.ㅤBut you're one of the good ones.ㅤOne of the self-aware ones.ㅤThe contained one. You're just enough of the stereotype to be stereotypical, without making anyone uncomfortable.

That's a good thing.ㅤYou're a perfect attraction.ㅤPerfectly attractive, enticing, with your other-ness.ㅤYou can make someone feel special with your attention—ㅤthey must be, if you're giving it over others.

All you need to do is keep the mask on.ㅤ

For their fantasies, for your safety, for basic acceptance... is it really that much to ask for?

Getting a bullet through the head would be better than being a platonic yandere, although perhaps that's my disdain towards most of humanity creeping in.

Hurting someone I've chosen is hurting an extension of myself— unacceptable, in every sense of the word. Especially from the absolutely moronic sub-human you've given the time of day.

Return to my arms, shed your tears.

Nothing can hurt you as long as you're with me.

I can ask for a darling's time, energy, passwords, social media, picture of one's face, full name, home address, social security number... their very life in the palm of my hand, even. They could give me all of it, and yet could never hope to give me the same mutual obsession, adoration, and love that another yandere could.

Nothing could even compare— for what is the most voracious of wildfires compared to the arduous fervor of the very sun? It'd be laughable to even compare the two, idiotic to settle for anything less than the latter.

Curse of "woke" means that I can say that I wish to form a heavily codependent toxic relationship with someone whom will most likely ruin me, but if I said that all humans are filth who deserve to be ground beneath my heel, I'm suddenly a villain.

Writing about my future other half without knowing who they are... a daunting task, to say the least.ㅤIt drains me of my energy, to form prose about something that doesn't exist.ㅤThat may never exist.

Yet still, I construct these daydreams from nothing but sheer will.ㅤEven as I curse Providence for its cruelties. "How long must I wait? When will it be my turn, when I am most deserving?

Nothing in this world is free.ㅤI must scour the lands for you, dredge through the monotony of existence itself so that one day I may finally rest in your arms.

My only, my forever.ㅤGod has not been kind to me, so you will be exalted instead, the light in my darkness.

I eagerly I wait you, and thus I pray you understand why I will never let you go once you're in my grasp.

I enjoy the way my very existence brands you for all eternity.ㅤWe may no longer be together, and yet still—ㅤare your memories of me not a brand upon your being?ㅤHave you not stolen my speech patterns?ㅤSequestered my writing mannerisms?ㅤPass on the memory of our time together to your friends through hushed whispers and late-night venting?ㅤSuch things do not fade easily with time, and the scars in the wake of my absence is something I shall relish in.

I would rather be a platonic yandere without a significant other than be the romantic yandere who posts about how they would drop their friends if their other half asked while cycling through several partners a month, but I suppose this sentiment isn't a popular one.

Human beings aren't designed for such... fickle connections.ㅤJealousy is nature, but self-destructive egocentrism to an extreme such as this will only lead to ruin, for yourself and others.

Wither away beneath your mediocrity, or allow me to transform you into something better.ㅤIs that so cruel of me to ask of you?ㅤRelenquish yourself to my will, and find true happiness beneath subjugation.

The most annoying, attention-seeking, sympathy-baiting, guilt-tripping jirai you possibly know is still infinitely more of a genuine jirai than a single elitist yan who has the chutzpah to call someone else in the community a, "larper" of all things.

Be beneath my heel, or earn the right to crush me beneath your own.ㅤBasic heterosexual dynamics are for those whom live in black and white—ㅤdevoid of color, meaning, nuance.

Envelop my worldview with your own, and let the cataclysm of the aftermath swallow us whole.

"I want obsessed anons!" May such a sentiment never find me, nor sully my heart with the inherent fetishization of such a notion.ㅤPublic declarations, manifestation of such delusions lead to nothing but folly.ㅤYou'll only entice sweet nothings and empty promises— nourishing for only those whom are starving for attention, with everything to gain and nothing to lose.ㅤRaise your standards.