my adventures

Wow, how things can change. Went from thinking that we would never see one another again to being stronger and closer than ever. We have seen one another every day for a week straight! It is really fantastic. I am at work and can't really type, I just don't want to only write when I am sad though lmfao

Oh how things can change in a week. We talk via phone and text again. We actually hung out earlier this week. We had a good talk and I think we are good. Maybe not great but good. All I wanted was a chance to fix things and God granted me that opportunity. So I can't complain!

Well, that's it. Iris is moving back home. There is no us nor a chance to make us again. At least not for a very long time. She was perfect for me. Honest to God she was. I am always optimistic but it will be really challenging to fix anything from across the country. Maybe with this time I can get my affairs in order. I would move for her at the drop of a hat. I would walk away from everything just for a chance at making things right. Iris is one of those people that when even briefly in your life, you are changed forever. I am crushed that I screwed that up. It was a stupid mistake and people can rebound from mistakes but she is a one and done type of girl. I don't understand why God made me this way, where I just always think I can fix everything and never can. I do know one day she will forgive me but she is stubborn like me so I don't know if she'll ever reach out to me again. I love her. I will always love her. That sounds cliché but it is true. She made me believe in myself and believe in happiness again. She always said no matter what that we would be friends and I hope that holds true. I pray to God that holds true. I could make things right if given a chance, let's keep fingers crossed that I get that chance one day.

So it's been a week and you are still upset with me. I understand. If it takes forever to get you to forgive me and get another chance, so be it. I wish I could look you in the eye and apologize but the slow realization is coming that I may never see you again. I have texted, emailed, mailed a physical letter and made a Spotify playlist but I need to tell you in person. My goal today is to not text first. Baby steps. Even though you are upset, I wish you could see this from my perspective. What I did was purely out of love and concern for you. It was not right but my heart was in the right spot. You have every right to be hurt and angry and upset but to just write me off isn't right. To just give up on us isn't right. If it takes forever to rebuild your trust I am up to the challenge. To just have this be it is wrong though. This wasn't how this is supposed to play out. I miss you terribly.