wassup fucks

“I don’t think it’s an appropriate topic. They usually call me ‘crazy ass bitch’ or ‘insane whore’ it usually varies.”

I'd say those are more vulgar than anal-retentive. More awful, at least.

Ah, I know that feel. I used to be a part of that circus too and then shit happened. I love myself to have a wide range on knowledge in cult fims and others. Yes, that’s what the Human Centipede is about. I’ll take it as a compliment, only because I like bizarre things. Yeah, you can - as long no one catches you. Have you ever been caught? You’re such a coward, I’m amused.

I'm not a coward, you're just fuckin' insane. I'm not even kidding you. So the dead won't smite me for lighting up? Nice. I've never been caught by someone I couldn't buy off. I'm stealthy.

Oh, so you’re a church boy? You don’t look like the type. There are no public morgues, silly - you just have to know the right people. The cemetery is quieter and less… putrid. We should sneak into one at night, don’t be a pussy.

Ah, fuck no. The only involvement I had with church was the mandatory private school bullshit. I was playin' with ya. I just, y'know, love myself enough not to watch movies about banging corpses, or like... an ass eating conga line. That's what the Human Centipede is about, right? You seem like someone who would watch that. Can I smoke in a cemetery? I'm sure as shit not doing that sober.

“Not in those exact vulgar words.”

Anal-retentive. It's not vulgar, it's psychological or some shit, unless the mere implication of ass-fuckin' makes you that uncomfortable. What words do they usually use?

It’s about fucking dead people, it’s pretty bizarre. Typical cult films, y’know? Mother of demons? I’m feelin’ like Daenerys with this title – wait, we should go to a morgue, or the cemetery. It’ll be fun.

That's fucked up. I stay away from movies like that because I love God. Are there public morgues? Don't you need to be, like, acquanited with a dead person to get in? I could go for the cemetery. Maybe.

“You already look like you could be the lead of some angsty nineties band so why not? We’ll have to start referring to the piano as the keyboard though. It’s got an edge to it, don’t you think? Fair enough, you’ll be like the guy from Uptown Girls and I’ll be Brittany Murphy customizing your jackets. Minus the part where I set it on fire.”

Awesome. I've been trying to dress in a way that makes my deep-rooted sense of anger visually apparent forever. Small problem is I haven't touched a piano in three years, keyboard or otherwise. Figure it's all the same, though. Is it bad that I don't understand that reference? As long as Brittany Murphy is the one doing all the manual labour, it's G to me.

“You’ve matured? This is what mature looks like for? Weren’t you just threatening to fornicate on my silk bed sheets? If this is what mature looks like then I fear for society, really. Yes, yes I am. Therefore, I demand to be treated with dignity.”

Has anyone ever told you that you're like, crazy anal?

Yeah me neither. I honestly can’t cook anything. I might be fucked. 19 years yeah.

Google's a friend for that. I looked like a fuckin' dweeb in the kitchen this morning asking Siri how to cook an egg.

I’ll have a pizza delivered to your room asap. Just remember to text me the next time, before it goes down.

Not to be weird, but I love you. It's a nightly occourance. Hit me up when you're free. What's your name, dude? Don't think I got it.

“And you’re proud of that? Wow. Well, I’m original unlike you.”

Nah, not proud, it's just a fact. I've matured now, though, I respect and value women, etc. Aren't you a popstar or something? Being a sellout kind of comes with that title.

Yes you are, man. You should’ve invited me. I would’ve payed.

Listen. I don't need money. Bring a fuckin' pizza and you're hearby invited to get high with me whenever.

Not savage, no, no, it’s more like smart. It’s the same but it’s my mom’s actual card that she gave me before coming here. For me, it was pretty nice, the high was weirder than usual but besides that, it was pretty good. The more shady, the more they sell. They aren’t that bad unless it’s too much of a chemical.

It just made me mad tired, and I don't need drugs for that. All this not working for what I have- it's exhausting. I'd ather have a little good weed than a lot of crappy weed. Anyone will sell you anything if you wave enough bills under their nose.

We’ll survive here somehow. Wow I can’t believe it has taken me this long to become a real boy.

It won't be too bad. I haven't eaten a vegetable in a week, but that's not too far off from how I lived on my own. I can't fuckin' cook for shit. It's been, what, 19, 18 years?

I have an accident almost every year. I almost threw a pumpkin at a woman once, because that’s just how rude and annoying she was. If there was, I’d probably be paying a lot for the things that happen there.

How do you almost throw a pumpkin? Did you miss or decide at the last second to be less hostile? I get that, though. I gotta start carrying pumpkins around.