Eddie Murphy's Law

Bioréd at home. #biorestrips #jesustakethewheel #freethenipple #shavetheface

Surf out this heatwave with burger in one hand and a coozied PBR in the other! #portlandburgerweek #swag #coozy #pabstblueribbon #portlandmercury

In case yesterday's post didn't make it clear. (at Oneonta Gorge)

Almost married. Almost dead.

What y'all know about Ultrabulk? (at Sauvie Island)

Dis bitch. (Is way cooler than you) #ilikebadbitches #enohammock #prohammocktour2017 #thanksetch (at Kelley Point Park)

Fell down, went boom. Aka: I have a lot of apologizing to do to @chelseajeanius. (at Laurelhurst Park)

Post bachelor/ette shithead (tape included). *Other shithead not pictured. Thank you @quemeg @turtlelumps @etch5 @asoupthatistoohot

"Move to Portland", they said. "You'll go places", they said. 🌉🙄 #bridged (at Burnside Bridge)

I got @chelseajeanius a tiny Bulbosa and a tiny pot for it because tiny things make her cry and I a heartless bastard.

If you passed out in my back yard on the the 4th, this is what you woke up to. #hashtagsofinstagram

Just cleaned this full length mirror. No big deal. #NBD #fulllengthmirrorsofinstagram #definatelynotaselfie

A lady holding an alligator being ridden by a pug.

Don't look down. #guysthathikebecausetheirfiancehasabirthday #hashtags (at Washington)

A coatrack and a cat. #Robot #coatracksofinstagram #justkidding #catsofinstagram

Three shitheads.