“I Swear To God The Devil Made Me Do It”

“I went down in the afternoon to the sea which held me, until I grew easy.”

“What’s it like to be lonely And it’s almost like suffocating, except the air has turned to fire and the burning feeling of emptiness billows your lungs like smoke filling an empty room. Everything is overwhelming and you can’t not breathe, but you can’t breathe when you breathe - if that even makes any sense. It’s being surrounded by people who promise you that you’re filled with so much love and so much life ( so much that you could light up a room), but still always having cracks in your chest. Cracks that have run themselves so deep that they’re practically breaking through your spine. And you constantly remind yourself that one day everything will feel so good that you’ll forget the bad days ever existed; that you’ll forget about the fire that once coated your lungs with soot and so much light will pour into the cracks until your heart beats strong and your spine stands firm. That one day nothing will remain of these promise except complete fulfillment. But, until that day - you can’t turn the air back to air, you can’t see the light, and you certainly can’t fill the cracks. That’s what it’s like to be lonely.”

“I write from a grave where there is no blood only sadness and the moon at midnight. my eyes are sad they are pages full of pain, words that I dare not to speak. seasons of regret and loneliness like falling leaves melting into snow, my eyes hide nothing but they are staring at walls in a home that was never my own.”