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Pencobaan setelah kemenangan. Orang bilang: kalau mau tau seseorang, lihat saat ia kena pencobaan. Benar, tapi tak sepenuhnya. Tak ada takarannya. Lihatlah seseorang, saat ia punya uang dan kuasa. Banyak orang yg jatuh bukan karena amoralitas, tapi saat ia menang melawan sesuatu, entah pertandingan, entah situasi tertentu. Setelah menang, haruslah kau berjaga-jaga. Kenapa sebab? Karena peperangan yg sesungguhnya tidak pernah berhenti. Tetua pernah berkata, bahwa: Hidup itu buah, mati itu keuntungan. Sebelum mati, jgn merasa untung. Apapun sukses, adalah transit utk kesuksesan selanjutnya. Dan, Meremehkan itu kalah yg telak. Sebagian rasa takut, terbukti tidak pernah nyata. Kau harus tau. Karunia yg tak dijaga menjadi senjata. Kesombonganmu ialah awal dari kejatuhan yg tak pernah terlihat pergerakannya. Tentang kerendahan hati, lebih baik minder daripada percaya diri. Tentang iman, lebih baik percaya daripada menggunakan akal pikir sendiri. Hati kalau salah, langkah pun juga. Sebab, kaki digerakan otak, langkah lah hati. Kalau kau cukup beruntung, kiranya kau paham. Lika adalah liku yg membingungkan.

Pecah tangismu di atas pangkuan ibu. Terhempas segala lelahmu di kakinya. Tempat langit langit sorga—yang kau percaya. Tiada seorang pun yang kebal duka dan luka. Kau mengiyakan lewat diam, sesekali anggukan sambil menyeka. Entah peluh entah lara. Pulang lah akhirnya jiwa jiwa pengembara, yang lahir dari seorang wanita, namun hidup dari apa apa yang ia percaya nyata; tanah, air, udara. Yang hidup dari apa yang ia anggap paling baik dan benar padahal untuk membedakannya saja, ia tidak bisa. Kebenaran ialah hukum. Kebaikanlah human. Yang menjadikannya lebih manusiawi dari antara manusia. Kembali ia memunguti luka luka lama, mengemasnya dengan penerimaan dalam berbagai rupa pengampunan. ”Aku mengasihi ngkau” ”Aku mengasihi ngkau” ”Aku.....” Belum habis kau bicara. Suara mu hilang ditelan luka. Namun jiwamu lega. Tak pernah selega ini hingga kau merasa luas. Pulang kau membawa luka. Pergi kau membawa lega. Arti pulang yg sesungguhnya. Jakarta, 8/7/17

You mean a lot to me. I love you.

2016 reviews over my career life. A year ago today, I was working as an expensive assistant. I'm used to working for assholes, because being an asshole is a prerequisite to owning your live. But over time, my patience for putting up with the job has dwindled to around none. So sometime in January, I did the best thing I had ever done. I quit :) I know I've talked abt this at length. I had money saved. I was going to survive a couple of months of unemployment. Thats ok. I looked for something that I thought would make me happier. Working in media industries :) doing what you like till you don't feel like you are working (well, I am not a believer of such a motivational quotes stuff like that, BUT it happened). I enjoyed every minutes of my everyday, being an Account Executive—which never in mind I'd be. Talking about dream, you know how hard I really wanna be an anchor. But, life taught me to be a realist, cause I almost running out the time. I put aside my dream, to chase my present and future life :) As I lived my life in my new job that I chose to live it, my saving hasn't seen better each days, even now, when I come home, I get my mom asking me why don't I just go back as an personal assistant to a company. But, like so many other people, they just don't get it :) The point of life is not to work, its to live. Since I moved, I live in a wonderful, comfortable kosan that I can afford. I wake up with the sun, and I have time to listen to my spotify before bath and work, because my office is super near, I can perform well, create something, express my interest even it took 18hr of my days at work, but I feel like I'm alive, I wanna do something more and on rather than to work my ass 9 to 5 but in a mid of lunch time, I feel sleepy as hell. And in this increasingly terrible world that we live, is there anything more meaningful than that? We've mourned a lot of amazing people this year. But you know what's sadder than people so great dying so young? People like you and me living to 90 and doing absolutely nothing with our lives that we're really proud of. So make the most of your time. Give a shit about what matters. And nothing that doesn't. Take risks to get what you want before you realize you wasted your life slaving for something you didn't. Make time for the people that are important. Stop wasting time with people that add no value to your life. We're a society of people that work hard to provide a good life for family that we don't have any time to actually see. If 2016 has taught me anything, it's that every breath I take could be my last. Death is inevitable. And I could die in an accident in infuriating gridlocked traffic on the way to work. Or from a heart attack from stress in a job I hate. And to quote Carrie Fisher: "Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action." So I think I’m gonna keep living this crazy life in 2017. We'll see where it takes me. Happy new year 2017, buddies!🎉

Sepi adalah tinta yang nodanya paling sukar dibersihkan dari kerah baju tuannya yang setengah basah. Utara Jakarta, 09.02.16