Happiness Only Real When Shared

the fact that i cant go home to an endless summer vacation where i can stay inside my room and read and write fic and other stuff and do whatever i want forever feels so so so wrong and unfair it makes me want to not live. Like the fact that i have work instead. This world is literally not okay, i need time alone in my bedroom forever. My happiest days in contrary to my blog title are spent in solitude no matter how painful, its the closest ive reached to anything resembling happiness, and my blog title is still true, that happiness is not real, because happiness only real when shared, but i can’t and never have shared it with anyone. The closest thing i get to joy is existing in my own world and my dreams indicate too the evilness stemming from my workplace, and that joy>death so it’s a hostage situation where those moments which are taken away from me on the account of profiting of my existence but i don’t want to kill myself because there are still these things to chain me to this plane of existance, if i lost those leaving would be easier, theoritically another existence is possible, but every time i try to taste life beyond the virtual I hate it, it’s simply the truth, i am not meant to live in this world, i hate this existence.

when youre already balding and a baby with the worlds strongest grip tears your hair off the roots🙄

idk what plot is, when i started this fic my main goal was to make them have sex as much as possible in a setting that was kind of exciting, i guess. Now its transformed into a monster of bad plot and idk how to continue it. Should i just keep writing with that same goal i had in the beginning? Bc who cares about the plot anyway…how can they have sex in the hottest way possible in their current circumstance.. maybe the plot will be possible to at least wrap up as a side story to the main, porn one. Ugh idk. Them having sex wouldnt even be hot rn, bc of the convulated plot and ruined setting. Ideally i would drop this fic, but i have this law and principle to never abandon a fic ive started 🤦‍♀️

i cant believe i visited an aquarium but missed the axolotl!🙃🔫

woah i just saw a twilight post that made me remember edward cullen the vampire was in my dream. And also god. Like the oc from the bible or whatever. Lots of other things occurred, and it was a breaking bad sequel except it was uncertain if it took place in alberquerque. And there were strange evil creatures from the underworld

of course i would get food poisoning on the french riviera

also something else happened at work that annoyed me. New week new bullshit. So there is this task that ive been assigned a couple of times and i really love it i live for it thrive in it etc. But no one has asked me what i think of doing it or how it has been going or anything. Then today it was assigned to someone new and everyone asked her how it was and she was like it was great! And they were like okay you will be our designated person to do this task then! Honestly i dont care that much but it also kind of pisses me off bc no one ever asked what i felt about it and now i guess i wont be assigned it in the future. I can deal bc i can do almost anything though. So why should i get to do my favorite thing.

When i leave this workplace for good i hope it happens like this (me leaving for a week) no one says anything but someone in passing says goodbye good job today or something and when i leave i will know this is the last time im ever there. Leaving will feel so sweet. I want to leave without anyone knowing or forgetting that its my last day.

I hope my period isnt only late but actually skipped and anovulation. I mean at first i was a little worried cause periods are a sign of health but bc im blackpilled about female biology now idc. I think its awesome the body can say no to having periods to preserve itself even if the reason it does so is to preserve a body that will be fertile during better times. But also i read an article by a doctor that said that we dont need to have our periods constantly and throughout history women have been pregnant so much (yikes) that years went without them.

you have to be kidding yourself if you think aespas glory days arent over or at the very least paused. Just saw someone say lemonade dethroned whiplash, youre fucking lying. Lemonade is trash and whiplash can never be dethroned, nor can supernova. And im not even saying this because one member supported the conservative party or because another has dating rumours with jungkook or another did plastic surgery to her face altering it beyond recognition or another member promoted anorexia and bragged about being severely underweight. All of that aside, wth is dirty work, rich man, lemonade, WDA, WTF is this bullshit. My queens are dead, RIP æspa, welcome back if you ever decide to return. And fuck jungkook