welcome 2 my mind

try to explain to me, why I feel so suicidal after talking to my own mother. i resent her so much for the currently life I am living. She ruined her own life and dragged her kids into it. I resent you for bringing your father and mother, my maternal grandparents, from Kenya, when you knew that they didn't have the best marriage. I resent you for forcing them to share a bed together even though you knew that man was incontinent. I resent you because after a year of me telling you that man needed to go home, you DRAGGED it on and said "He has one more week to prove himself before I send him back" week after fucking week. I fucking resent you because my grandmother got sicker and sicker after losing sleep to him. I resent you because I KNOW that stroke my grandmother had was because of all the events that led up to it. I hate living and I want to die because of you. I ABSOLUTELY HATE YOU AND I WANT TO FUCKING DIE. I HATE THAT YOU BROUGHT ME INTO THIS WORLD AND YOU CANT EVEN ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM WHOLLY AND ENTIRELY. IT HURTS. The thought back in January of 2019 when I realized who you were and when I knew you were never going to accept me for who I am, I thought I forgot those feelings but I remember.

are these dreams? yes