I’m back in sf after two months of being back home and I didn’t realise how much I’d miss home until I came back. I’ve come and gone so many times over these past 4 years it doesn’t get less painful each time. I’m tired. I just want to follow someone’s instructions or do something I’m comfortable with. I’m tired of being lost all the time. It’s so exhausting.
I’ve lost my reason to be here. The produce doesn’t excite me anymore. The limitations are frustrating. I am so depressed but I don’t know how to say it out because people expect me to be happy and grateful for what I have right now. The opportunity to be in this city and scene. But this isn’t what I want. I want stability, I want progression in my personal life and finances.
Our apartment’s flooring got messed up again. It’s been wrecked since July. I’m so tired of waiting for them to “fix” it. Only to have the pipes leak again and the flooring become mouldy. I really just want to go back to Singapore and continue my life there. Everything about this place makes me feel upset now.
But I’m not in any financial position to say no, I don’t want to carry on working here. I’m afraid of what my boss will say and I know that he will be empathetic to our situation.
I’m tired, homesick and upset.













