Мэнсон

hi! sorry i haven't posted in a hot minute!! I haven't seen a lot of GE fanart recently so thought id try my hand at it . og comic panel under the cut

PLEASE DONT BUY TLOU 🇵🇸 !!

(please boycott buying tlou two and get it second hand or watch the gameplay and please don't buy tlou 3 if it comes out and refrain from buying remastered versions of any tlou and tlou merch connected with PlayStation)

authors note :I really really love loser ellie and just read a bunch of small loser ellie fics this morning to quench my thirst ;) (this is really depressing and lots of headcannons so prepare)

cw: drunk, hallucinating,smoking cigarettes and weed, eating disorder, very sad ellie, no Joel because hes dead 💔, angst, depression, pills and using them in wrong ways, mental issues, suicide mention, drastically loosing weight.

Ellie is a senior in high school, just started a few months ago so she probably just turned 17 or 18 idk the age

loser!ellie: her room is filled with posters and she has manga, comics, figurines, trinkets, and just merch of everything she is interested in.

loser!ellie: her favorite subject is science and p.e. but now she doesn't have any motivation.

loser!ellie: She now lives with Tommy and Maria since Joel passed away.

loser!ellie: she wears socks with cartoon characters on it but hides it over her baggy jeans.

loser!ellie: when she just turned 16 she was at a party and she was drinking alcohol and making out with Cat at the front door giving her a kiss goodbye and Joel secretly drove over there since he found out Ellie snuck out. He was pissed and that's the day he found out she was lesbian

*beep beep* joel rolled down his window shouting at Ellie to get in his truck.

"shit" Ellie muttered under her breath as she pulled away from Cat and walked to Joel's truck with shame and embarrassment filling her stomach.

when Ellie finally got in Joel turned to her giving her a look of anger and disappointment. Ellie didn't even look his way knowing what expression was on his face.

"you don't ever listen don't ya." "what did I tell you about sneaking out! Stop acting like a fool!"

"You think you're cool drinking with your dumb friends. Who told you to do that shit! Your grounded you know, grounded."

"you're not mad I'm ga-?"

"I'm mad you snuck out and got drunk." *Joel interrupted her he didn't even hear what she said*

"when we get home you better shower and drink loads of water. I don't want you coming out of your room till your brain ain't soup. Smell like shit."

*Ellie smirked at herself. She was relieved he wasn't mad that she's gay*

The next morning Joel ended up apologizing for the outburst saying he just wants her to be safe and talked to her about the safety of parties and drinking, Ellie said she wouldn't do it again but she definitely got drunk behind his back again. Joel also told her he accepted her. He doesn't know much about lgbtq but he was willing to try and learn. Anything to make Ellie happy.

loser!ellie: Ellie is more of a cigarette girl and weed girl than a vape girl. She doesn't mind vapes but she prefers cigarettes or weed because she tells herself that it actually does something instead of a lousy vape.

loser!ellie: She has little to no appetite. She isn't a major food girl and before Joel passed away she only ate 2-3 meals a day. Sometimes she would just forget to eat or sometimes she wasn't hungry. But since Joel passed it's gotten way worse. A few days after Joel passed she ate no meals, she chewed gum and drank alcohol or energy drinks but she couldn't eat. It's been a few months and she has been able to eat one small meal and a small snack. Maria has been helping her with food but clearly it was going to take awhile.

loser!ellie: Maria also gives her small portions of meat or other low calorie foods knowing that's all Ellie will eat. She has slipped protein pills into Ellie's meal just so she could get more than what she got from her plate. Ellie hasn't seemed to notice yet. Sometimes Ellie doesn't even finish all the small meals, only takes like 2-3 bites.

loser!ellie: Sometimes maria helps her brush her hair when it gets tangled or helps Ellie with little things when getting ready but she notices Ellie's loss in muscle and fat. Ellie has always been thin/lean but she was healthy and it all weighed out since she was athletic. She can see her spine being more prominent through her skin when she wears tank tops and the full muscular arm is now thin.

loser!ellie: Ellie likes to journal. If you were to read it you'd see how much of a dork she is. She doodles in her journal or writes about her feelings. She draws planets, cool objects she sees, and people she loves.

loser!ellie: She loved watching new movies, she always watched them with Joel. She loves when people ask her for movie recommendations.

loser!ellie: Her hair is a little past her shoulders but she hasn't really gone to cut it, and she mostly wears low ponytails with pieces that frame her face out. Her hair hasn't been growing much since her lack of food and when Ellie talks about cutting her hair Maria always changes her mind. Maria likes seeing something new on ellie and doesn't want to cut away the progress ellie has gotten.

loser!ellie: her closet consists of t-shirts, either ones from something she's interested in or blank t shirts, she has shorts mostly loose jean shorts that are to the knee or other shorts like black shorts, she wears baggy jeans- not super super baggy but not tight. She has like 13 hoodies, she loves hoodies but she forces herself to not wear one all the time since she wants people to see the cool characters on her t-shirt. She wears converse all the time, and minimal bracelets. Necklaces and rings are a must but she doesn't wear a lot of them.

loser!ellie: wears glasses 👅🫦 If she sits in the far back of class she has to wear them but if she sits in the front she doesn't have too so she just suffers in the back because she knows she's gonna get called on if she sits in the front.

loser!ellie: Ellie has red knuckles, some falling on her hands while skateboarding, the concrete gently cuts at her skin and makes her hands dry, she also has red knuckles because she makes herself throw up to get out of school or to not go to school. Sticking her fingers in her mouth has given her scratches on her knuckles.

loser!ellie: every time someone brings up a subject that she doesn't want to talk about (example: "are you okay?" "Are you eating?" "How are you handling Joel's passing?" "are you suicidal?") she just makes a lie and immediately changes the subject to her favorite video game or film or manga. She could talk about everything she likes for hours. She likes having hyperfixations as a distraction.

loser!ellie: she's shy and gets flustered easily. She's introverted so going out and having conversations are hard for her. Friends make her calm and comfortable. Usually she doesn't go out much and declines parties most of the time but if someone says "yolo" or "don't be a chicken just come." then she gets persuaded. She wants to prove she is not scared even tho she is.

loser!ellie: Has trouble sleeping at night. She usually rolls a joint or smokes cigarettes, if not she's forcing herself to go to sleep with pills she takes like 8 instead of 2. It makes her hallucinate a little. She likes being in a different reality. Then she's out cold. Maria or Tommy have to shake her awake hard or else she'll sleep till early afternoon. They still haven't realized it's because of the pills. They thought maybe she just had a rough day at school and was tired.

loser!ellie: visits Joel's grave. Maria and Tommy know she goes but there are sometimes she sneaks out at night on her skateboard. She hops the fence running through the field to get to Joel's grave. She sits there hugging the stone. No one sees that she is trespassing it's dark outside. She just sits there and cries. She has her eyes shut tight afraid if she opens she'll see reality. She pictures herself at 14 hugging Joel in her mind and sometimes she forgets that it's his grave.

loser!ellie: Maria and Tommy found out she was sneaking out when she did it the 3rd time. She fell asleep by Joel's grave. Empty pill packets on the grass, headphones and glasses put to the side, her backpack used as a pillow, her skateboard was under her backpack as well, and her fingers gripping softly at the stone. Maria and Tommy found out she wasn't in her room and tried calling her but no answer so they had to call the cops. The cops ended up finding Ellie and told Maria and Tommy to come pick her up.

"I'm s-sorry" *Ellie said while crying, she sniffled, rubbing away the tears with her arm. Maria was heartbroken and Tommy was angry, but he did everything to keep his cool because he understood Ellie's grieving. He was just so worried.*

*Maria helped Ellie up. Ellie continued crying. She was scared they were furious. Maria gently rubbed Ellie's back as Ellie sniffled. She glanced at the blurry view of the cops and the two cop cars. They were getting ready to leave.*

"the car ride was silent. Ellie nor anybody else said a word but they were all thinking about it. Ellie sat with her knees to her chest and her head down. Everything was next to her. Her glasses had some tear stains on them.*

loser!ellie: she always has her headphones or wired earbuds.

loser!ellie: her legs are covered in little bruises from falling.

loser!ellie: she has many pins and keychains attached to her backpack.

loser!ellie: has her nails painted black, the chip easily and she's too lazy to repaint them.

loser!ellie: favorite holiday is Halloween.

loser!ellie: likes buying stuff that is dinosaur or space themed.

loser!ellie: she's gotten a little tan, from when she actually goes out and skates, maybe to the corner store or just skating around her neighborhood and since she's gotten a little tan her freckles are more prominent.

loser!ellie: her nervous habits are, knuckle cracking, nail biting, pacing, lip biting, no eye contact, leg shaking, and stuttering.

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