Fen is (RARELY) online

> Collection of good tweets I’ve made recently... <

Power unimaginable for sale on the internet

I am holding my own hand, effectively becoming my own partner-friend and solo-unlocking the power of friendship necessary to buff myself enough to defeat life's many evils (i.e chores, aggression (several flavours), advertisements, Jeff Bezos. Y'know)

i look like a smear frame

'vinyl record is a frisbee for confident people' - fen tweet  Critic - I don't know about this one! Critic 2, ten years later - I know about this one Critic 3, twelve years later - I know more than critic 2 does. Critic 4, fourteen years later - One tells the truth and one lies! 

Building a death ray in my backyard so I can shoot down the UFOs which keep littering trash on my lawn

Pizza rope in a can

Evergreen tweet? I want an evergreen treat!!

Falling asleep (on absinthe) under a tree in the Olive Garden

Squalor, including but not limited to, Filth!

Ah... Wikipedia is telling me that no videogames were released on the day I was born. This is a grave portent

George Orwell's Animal Farm Clicker now on the Google Play Store

I am the burger king of myth

Pokemon says: this is an animal like a dog for you to make your pet. Yokai Watch says: this is a funny guy with a big nose named snottle and you will never have any influence over what he does or where he goes

Putting 'Guinness World Records Most Hireable Man' every three lines of my resume

My hair is brown at the roots and red at the tips now, so whenever I fluff it up after a shower, I look like some kind of rare anemone

Don't fear! There's no such thing as 'videogames'. You can go back to sleep

"camou/flage/... bacterio/phage/... what's the difference, really" - Metal Gear Solid

I will lose one of my ears in a freak mini-golf accident

I am in a box below the floor of the second level, and above the ceiling of the first. I am curled up snug and small. It is a perfectly neutral temperature. I can hear the footsteps and flittering conversation of others through the walls and floors. I do not wish to leave my box. Profoundly, truthfully, I was meant to be here. An unknown lighthouse with no discernable purpose. Waiting, listening, absorbing. I am gentle-grey and peaceful. My eyes may be open, but my vision is not. I do not know I am remembered. I do not care. I do not ever leave the box.

Devils are below humans. Humans are below spirits. spirits are below demons. Demons are below angels. Angels are below devils. Everyone is below everyone. A human is below a human. My mind is stuck in a murky groove, of late. I'm trying to be kind to it, otherwise it will worsen.

when i steal the olympic first place medal i replace usain bolt right

Still thinking about how on new year's day of 2019 I twisted my ankle, bought a scallop pie to make myself feel better, and then had that scallop pie make me genuinely sicker than i had ever been before or  have been since

More and more I realise my life's goal isn't to do anything in particular, but to move around a lot and have a few people who I know and like. I might disagree later, but all I'm thinking about my future at the moment is that it could be nice to work in a drycleaners for a while.

I'm going to put every piece of money i make into buying a houseboat so i can drive it directly into the center of the bermuda triangle and be killed by a giant squid

i am going to buy a truckload's worth of oil for the express purpose of obtaining the Guinness World Record for most flammable house

Introducing a new musical genre: myth-rock. there is no time signature. who gives a shit. just put the notes one after another

If you knew the exact, intricate rules and formulas required, you could divine the entire future of the human species in the atom-high ridges and valleys of a bottlecap.

i love hubris

the prophecy states i will be killed by a grammarly advertisement

My origin story is that I was a seamonkey that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ooze went on

Every once in a while lately, I have the distinct feeling that I and the house I live in are one and the same. That as rain hits the roof of the house, it is drumming against my head. I am at once the space I inhabit, and inhabiting the space - there is no separation.  When I feel like this, I don't want to go outside. I do not know what is out there. That would be stepping outside of myself. As it stands, I don't to do that. Maybe there's something to find within my house self. Maybe not. I'm just here. This explanation may not be good.

God i look so fucking cool. You should see me

Seriously. Won't /one/ of you be my nemesis?

I don't wish to "discuss"

I look like the colossus of rhodes.