The year had been questionable. My contract was over prior to the concert date, too many uncertainty around then. Even the concert announcement was when i was informed that my contract will not be renewed. I would continue saving up for the date as I felt like it was necessary to attend.
Months passed by and I officially didn't have a job, for only the second time. A week prior to the departure date I was very ill. Couldn't walk properly, couldn't even sleep properly. The day then came but i was still sick, usually it would took a week for recovery. On my calculations, i should be fine on the day.
Took the train, couldn't sleep all night partly due to the aching pain. The excitement as well. Arrived in Jakarta and the first hurdle came when the hotel I booked was an actual shithole. Adding to that, they refused to accept and insist to add another fare for me to stay which was dumb. But then i was dumber (and fucking tired to think of another plan) and paid the excess amount to stay.
Managed to get some rest then got ready to go to the venue. I was very anxious for this because it has been too long of a wait. Arrived there quite early and waited alone before the gate was opened. I remember the excitement was through the roof and the blood rushed through my body. A bit exaggerated but I yearned for that moment. After everything that had been happening, I kept telling myself that I deserved this.
Still had to wait for a couple of hours before the concert started.
Finally got in and I couldn't contain the excitement. Managed to get in the front-row-ish. Almost the exact same spot as I last saw them 6 years ago. There was no opener for the concert, meaning we had to wait longer for them to came out.
It was around 8 when the screens changed to the national flag. the speakers played some songs to amp up the people. Not long after, the lights deemed, the backdrop changed to "Forever". At that point I was quite literally shitting myself. The moment that I had been waiting for was about to happen right in front of the very gloom face of me - it was me waiting for a sunrise after years of long and bleak nights.
The light dimmed again, and there they were. Four (+ the fifth beatle dan swank) of my heroes. Crazy to deep that I have been listening to them for 14 years at that point, 6 albums worth of a constant sound familiar to the ear.
"Just got jumped in an alley. Life's too short, picked a fight with a bouncer at a bar in the valley" rang in melancholy as Alex played the piano. The light gleamed again as the crowd screamed.
Some Kind of Disaster followed right after. Yes. Nearly lost my voice from screaming at the SECOND song of a TWO HOUR set was apparently the choice. Still screamed throughout the song as if I hosted the event my self in my room. I remembered how I always pictured this song as the beginning of COVID-19 because it was released right before the lockdown and all that mess in 2020. Foreseen.
A familiar drum loop then played. The song that started it all. The song that still hits home, 15 years later. "Manage me, i'm a mess." The first video i saw was of this song live for the STD (real mature). I'm pretty sure that this was the first "live" performance video of any band that I had seen.
It felt like I was dancing alone and I was ready to go. My energy was unmatched throughout the night. Felt like I was the only one prepared for the show. Probably because I've been waiting for so long and started losing hope. Not sure that they can see right through me, the glitter and gold. I could have died happy right then and there. Felt like I will not mind if that would be my last moment on this wretched floating rock. I was six feet under the stars. The confetti. And whatever was hanging in the ceiling that night.
Also one thing that I've been saying, mainly to myself because no one really cared about them, is that All Time Low live in person is a different breed. It got this energy that elevated the songs from the studio versions. Always prefer to see them live - as if there are many chances to see them live every year.
I still got the stinging pain every now and then. If not for them I would tear the place to the ground and get gone.
They still continue with the throwback to the old catalogue. They were aiming to please and honestly it didn't hurt one bit. We followed it all the way down.
Then THE Jasey Rae began. The song. I couldn't resist to take videos for this one. THE BRIDGE. THE rarely-found and used GUITAR SOLO. Among top three of the best song ever written in my humble opinion. I would always recommend this song if asked which song encapsulates ATL for me. It's just so raw and fucking gorgeous throughout. To think that a 19-year old person wrote this still blows my mind to this day. Maybe i don't have a particularly vast knowledge about music in general but this is factually the best song ever written. Can confirm.
"I hope the air will serve to remind you that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest" Fucking. Hell.
I need not to hope my night could be better than theirs in the end, because it was. (Jack and Zack did the synchronized jump as well. V happy v nice from the boys)
There will too many expression to capture what the night felt like in this passage. But it did not look like another long sleepless night fighting whatever is within my skull. I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been, i thought as Vegas played. As if to confirm my theory about the night.
Side note. Several days prior, I still questioned my decision to go to the concert. For something that I thought was a no-brainer, I was still unsure. Mainly because of everything in my life in general. Like after this then what? I've been fighting for quite a long time while drowning in a river of denial. But I washed up, fixed up, picked up all my broken things and decided to go eventually. It was a "Damned if I do ya, Damned if i don't".
Do you want me (dead?) played. It was a good pop up from Dirty Work. An underrated album that needed love. Kinda sucked that they did not play A Daydream Away. Always have a soft spot for Dirty Work. I remember I used to wrote "Get Dirty, Do Work" in my book and mom would question it. What do you mean Dirty Work?
The first song from Future Hearts was Runaways. Everytime I try to picture this album is always windows-down speaker blasting. Which is weird because: a. I do not know how to drive a car. b. hence i do not know the feeling of windows-down and speaker-blasting music. I guess I watched too many interviews during the album release cycle that the impression expressed by them stuck. This song in particular is exactly that. Fun road trip song. It's literally in the lyrics.
Backseat Serenade comes next. Again, the windows-down and kissing the sweat away to your radio. Nice (It is deliberate). An absolute banger regardless. Again, can pinpoint the exact moment when this dropped AND the video dropped. The knock-off Paradise by Cold Play costumes. I remembered one time in junior high, I would post the lyrics "I'm tired of sleeping alone." NOT understanding what it actually meant. HAVING NO IDEA that phrase carries a different weight when you are older. (I was talking about lack of sex). And also the fact that it is pretty sad when you sleep alone.
Sometimes it does feel like waking up with pins and needles in the head. As the clock tick off the wall, Something's Gotta Give blares. Had a mixed feeling with this song ever since it came out. It's slow and kind of boring but I then figured out how to truly enjoy this song. It's, again - ATL's bread and butter - hearing it live. Something about this song just feels right to be played. The realization came when I watched the STD II (still real mature). This feels different. The lyrics feels different compared to being sung by zombies dressed in a french fries bag.
The next two songs are quite surprising in some ways. They are Kids in the Dark and Old Scars/Future Hearts (BANGER). Obviously i have seen this version during the tour, courtesy of @atlontourconnect. Somehow the two sound more like an anthem for the (shock) kids in the dark and those with old scars. Never saw the two can be connected so well but they just fit right in. It's like the latter was intentionally written as a continuation.
Alex and Jack talked with the audience in between songs. Jack was still cursing the thing in the ceiling. Alex walked back with a guitar, "OH HERE COMES MAJOR SADNESS". I thought he was about to play Therapy. But Missing You was played instead. Should have seen the shock man. It's like you were about to jump off a cliff, but you were suddenly being hugged by the people you love.
I think it's the perfect imaginary for this song and this moment because the song started with "I heard that you've been self-medicating in the quiet of your room, your sweet suburban tomb. And if you need a friend, I'll help you stitch up your wounds"
This is the point in the night where the realization stage finally hits. I was not okay. My life had been a mare. Everything was hard. I was sick. And instead of going to my playlist to search for this song. I was sung by the band who wrote it. I got to see them right before my eyes. Live in the flesh. Of course i was too close to cry. I was unable to pause the song as well if it's too much to listen. I was forced to heal and for the very few times i was open for it. (Could not handle the bridge tho, so decided to fucking absolutely scream it so I didn't cry).
Oh about that jumping off a cliff, now you jumped headfirst. Therapy comes. Now this song, is very special. As previously told, they were the first band that I wanted to see playing the live version of their music. This song. I remember I used to follow their tour dates and search for this specific song to be played that night. "All time low live Therapy (place) (date)". If i can somehow retract my YouTube history from 2010-2014, I can promise you that that phrase would be there every other day. I was obsessed with that song. I had never known that we can genuinely connected to a song, emotionally and mentally.
Whenever I felt down I would watch compilations of Alex's speeches before playing this song. Yes. It was probably one of the reasons why I liked listening to the live version of this song. I still remember some of it to this day.
This is also the song that I wanted to learn when I first picked up the guitar.
There have been times when I felt like i can't listen to this song. It's too hard. I think because of its rawness and the attachment I had with the whole lyrics. Hand on my heart I was even scared to hear this song prior to the show. Remembering the previous year of my life, the hardships and everything that happened, I just couldn't see any way I would not bawl my eyes out. But then it happened. (The song)
I didn't want to record any of the performance. I wanted to listen. I wanted to experience the song, in a state when it was best to be experienced. At my lowest. Among the flashing lights and avalanche of cries. I am a rolling-fucking-stone.
The light then dimmed again before beaming not too long after. Sleepwalking approached. Seeing Alex sing without a guitar was weird. Not the first time obviously seeing it but still kind of weird to witness in person. But it allowed him to wander around the stage and greet the people. He got job to do unlike Jack who must have had circled the stage hundreds of times over. Pretty sure Alex waved to me at one point of the song.
PMA followed. I have this weird connection with this song because I remember something particular about the release of this song. I was at a low point in my life (shocked. not first) and out of the blue the band announced this song. It has been the case for this band actually to release something amidst or on the edge of my bad phase. But I remember that I would play this song on repeat and this song only for several weeks because of how fitting it was. Again, it has been the case but this one felt special in a melancholy way.
Fake as Hell followed right after, which was a phase in the setlist where i went hmmmmmmm??? This is such a weird generic ATL song but added Avril just for vibes. She delivered tho. But this song just didn't hit the spot for me ever since it's released. Still a solid song for vibez.
Then the intro to Dirty Laundry played. An underrated banger from an underrated album. That last chorus still hits like a truck. Maybe it has lost its sparks over the years, but I remembered the hate when it was released. I was included to be fair. But it grew just weeks later after seeing the live version of this song. Again only confirms that their songs are better when played live. This song was my top song for almost two years. The video as well, I used to make holes and asked me mom to stitch patches on my denim jacket to be part of the kru. The Last Young Renegade was good times. Oh man what could have been.
The "closure", Afterglow followed right after. The perfect closing song but not quite. This songs closed out Last Young Renegade, the album and the era altogether. This was played prior to the encore. The music video plays in the back of my mind because i had always pictured myself among the crowd. It was like a reenactment of the video, Indonesia version. I tried to take it easy and I will held on to this feeling. I got nowhere to go, forever in the afterglow.
I managed to catch a worthy breath during the encore break. Oh those bastards said that that was the last song they would play. As if we did not know how their show worked.
Not long after, they came out and an echo of familiar tune appeared slowly. It was Monsters. One of the bigger songs of their entire catalogue. I remembered the buzz the band got from this song in 2020-21. Only for it to be demolished by some assholes. Anyway... They had gotten so big because of this song. The stage during this song was a scene and a half, something about the aura and the presence of this song when played live.
I didn't realize that we were getting close to the end of the show. Probably because I was too present and slightly losing my mind. And voice.
Alex got to the piano bench again as Calm Down followed right after. This was played kind of as a reminder that I was not actually alright at the time. The world was - still is a mad place and i was supposed to not be mad about it.
This entire album by the way. Came right in the middle of the storm, this time not to ease the pain and guide me by the arm. It rather cut me deeper, wider, and more open. The songs were salt and they were cast in the wound. Alex explained the album as intentionally feeling the pain. It was about facing the pain head-on and run through a wall. Partly to feel everything but also to come out on the other side. To weather the storm.
Anyway, Modern Love came as the penultimate song of the night. Such a good sing along song before the closing. Probably yelled "Turns out it's less devastating, staying home and MASTURBATING" a bit too loud. As the last chorus hit, realization also hit that once this ends the final song was approaching.
They then said their thank you. They also promised that it will not take another 6 (six) whole years for them to come back. A promise that had been proven to be a lie since they said they will not take another 5 years to come back after 2013. It was one of those things that I would have to find out later eventually. But know that I will be there no matter what. I would still scream as loud as I could if that time comes and shits would still be lost.
The guitar started blaring the familiar strum out loud. I had planned to scream the meme "MOM IT WAS NEVER A PHASE, IT'S A LIFESTYLE" but my voice was done and very much out. Avoiding to become the laughing stock had my voice cracked, I came up with the idea to do *the cough*. So i did.
"Jakarta thank you so much, we will see you next time!"
I let out the most appropriate and timely cough in my life, but not loud enough for them to notice.
Confetti and smoke were shot as the drums and the rhythm guitar were strummed. That was it. The very last song to close out the night. The crowd went wilder than the previous songs as it was the hit. I looked around and the place was absolutely rocking as the confetti was still pouring.
To be absolutely clear, this song is overrated and I am ready to die on this hill. If i could, I would choose "Weightless" or even "Jasey Rae" or "Backseat Serenade" to be THE hit. But I was the happiest person after them when this song caught on a trend and push the song and the band even further.
This doesn't mean that the song is particularly bad in any way. It just doesn't paint the whole ATL picture enough. Imagine slipping lyrics like "Take a breath, don't it sound so easy? Never had a doubt, now I'm going crazy. Watching from the floor" in a song about a stripper? Lyrical genius right there.
Unfortunately some fucking pricks had to ruin the fun. Another side note, during the final part of the song, both Alex and Jack would usually toss both of their guitars and go to the barricade. Jack didn't even toss the guitar and Alex stayed on the stage. Which was weird to see in person because it was their ritual. I would always imagined myself being close during that part. But they had not done it ever since *the case*. (Update in 2025, the ritual is kinda back and Alex and Jack would go to the crowd again, LFG!)
At least I had gotten to witness the ritual in the previous concert.
My heart exploded and burst as the last cymbal was hit and the last confetti was shot. It was the end of the concert. Mixed feelings started to flood in. I was, again, very much the happiest i had been in a long time, I was also definitely devastated that the concert ended.
There are still a lot to put into words but this should be enough for me to reminisce until the next concert. Which should not take another five years. Right?
It was an all-time high but All Time Low is forever.
