WARNINGS: MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, IMPLIED DEPRESSION
feel free to adjust pronouns / names as needed !
β Β i am a cage, in search of a bird. Β β Β
β Β donβt bend; donβt water it down; donβt try to make it logical. Β β Β
β Β donβt edit your own soul according to the fashion. Β β Β
β Β follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. Β β Β
β Β youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Β β Β
β Β anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. Β β Β
β Β i write differently from what i speak. Β β Β
β Β i speak differently from what i think. Β β Β
β Β i cannot make you understand. Β β Β
β Β i cannot even explain it to myself. Β β Β
β Β i cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. Β β Β
β Β a first sign of the beginning of understanding is the wish to die. Β β Β
β Β the meaning of life is that it stops. Β β Β
β Β all language is but a poor translation. Β β Β
β Β remain sitting at your table and listen. Β β Β
β Β do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. Β β Β
β Β it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet. Β β Β
β Β the nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired. Β β Β
β Β slept, awoke, slept, awoke, miserable life. Β β Β
β Β i have the true feeling of myself only when i am unbearably unhappy. Β β Β
β Β paths are made by walking. Β β Β
β Β i canβt think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time. Β β Β
β Β itβs because of their stupidity that theyβre able to be so sure of themselves. Β β Β
β Β there is an infinite amount of hope in the universe β¦ but not for us. Β β Β
β Β he is terribly afraid of dying because he hasnβt yet lived. Β β Β
β Β i have spent all my life resisting the desire to end it. Β β Β
β Β i usually solve problems by letting them devour me. Β β Β
β Β i am in chains. donβt touch my chains. Β β Β
β Β i never wish to be easily defined. Β β Β
β Β start with what is right rather than what is acceptable. Β β Β
β Β love is, that you are the knife which i plunge into myself. Β β Β
β Β i miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly. Β β Β
β Β now i can look at you in peace; i donβt eat you any more. Β β Β
β Β better to have, and not need, than to need, and not have. Β β Β
β Β you are at once both the quiet and the confusion of my heart. Β β Β
β Β iβm tired, canβt think of anything and want only to lay my face in your lap. Β β Β
β Β they say ignorance is blissβ¦ theyβre wrong. Β β Β
β Β in manβs struggle against the world, bet on the world. Β β Β
β Β in a way, you are poetry material. Β β Β
β Β you are full of cloudy subtleties i am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out. Β β Β
β Β may i kiss you then? Β β Β
β Β you can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world. Β β Β
β Β that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature. Β β Β
β Β perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid. Β β Β
β Β beyond a certain point there is no return. this point has to be reached. Β β Β
β Β people label themselves with all sorts of adjectives. Β β Β
β Β i can only pronounce myself as βnauseatingly miserable beyond repairβ. Β β Β
β Β love is a drama of contradictions. Β β Β
β Β iβm even losing my name, it was getting shorter & shorter all the time & is now: yours Β β
β Β first impressions are always unreliable. Β β Β
β Β if i shall exist eternally, how shall i exist tomorrow? Β β Β
β Β evil is whatever distracts. Β β Β
β Β what do you know of the griefs that are in me and what do i know of yours? Β β Β
β Β how about if i sleep a little bit longer and forget all this nonsense? Β β Β
β Β kill me, or you are a murderer. Β β Β
β Β last night i dreamed about you. Β β Β
β Β what am i doing here in this endless winter? Β β Β
β Β if you become involved with me, you will be throwing yourself into the abyss. Β β
β Β my guiding principle is this: guilt is never to be doubted. Β β Β
β Β i am dirty, endlessly dirty, that is why i make such a fuss about cleanliness. Β β Β
β Β please β consider me a dream. Β β Β
β Β i can love only what i can place so high above me that i cannot reach it. Β β Β
β Β iβm doing badly, iβm doing well, whichever you prefer. Β β Β
β Β for myself i am too heavy, and for you too light. Β β Β
β Β it certainly was not my intention to make you suffer. Β β Β
β Β you can choose to be free , but itβs last decision youβll ever make. Β β Β
β Β even if no salvation should come, i want to be worthy of it at every moment. Β β Β
β Β he was a tool of the boss, without brains or backbone. Β β Β
β Β if i could drown in sleep as i drown in fear i would be no longer alive. Β β Β
β Β i lack nothing. i only needed myself. Β β Β
β Β i long for you; i who usually longs without longing, as though i am unconscious and absorbed in neutrality and apathy. Β β Β
β Β i really, utterly long for every bit of you. Β β Β
β Β even the merest gesture is holy if it is filled with faith. Β β Β
β Β you misinterpret everything, even the silence. Β β Β
β Β you must not pay too much attention to opinions. Β β Β
β Β i only fear danger where i want to fear it. Β β Β
β Β nor is it perhaps really love when i say that for me you are the most beloved. Β β Β
β Β in this love you are like a knife, with which i explore myself. Β β Β
β Β i like to make use of what i know Β βΒ Β