Untitled.

being told your partner, who you love, was secretly wishing you would hit her so she could leave you.... is just......

I felt a bit better today, the worst of it is over. I think I go into psychosis, and from what ive read the best way to deal with someone experiencing psychosis is to not worry about correcting their delusions in that moment. like genuinely i think i experience psychosis, it is so extremely distressing to experience in the moment. and the after effects on my relationships are just, heartbreaking. sigh

I go crazy every time I date a woman because I go off t since it’s hard to regularly apply the gel n not risk transferring. I get psychotic and literally become the devil before my period every time. Estrogen is literally the devil I have been hunting all this time wtf.

my life has been completely devestated by the person I love not wanting to be with me. how does one recover from this

but i have gone through every human pain imaginable really, bar losing a child. one day i will feel better

i dont think ive ever been this mentally ill

I want no part of cis people or women’s gender malarkey

sitting in mcdonalds just to pretend to myself i feel close to you

lowk I thought it was meant to be men that left you when you got sick

idk maybe i have DID at this point, I dont even remember posting about studying humans

Humans I want to study you. I want to study you in London, at one of the best universities in the world.

the sad thing about whatever I have is the more I lose people and break my heart, the more I know I will never be capable of undoing the pain and loving properly. I know in my heart now it’s just not something meant for me.

And I asked myself, can I pretend that airplanes, in the night sky, are like shooting stars?

took myself out for a celebratory lunch and on the way back a guy said i like ur style, I was like me? and he was like yeah you kinda have a jesus vibe (i was in all white and sliders). made my day, i love humanity.