you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...

almost five years.  i still have these moments i can't believe it's been that long.  and yet not long at all.  other moments it can still feel like yesterday.

Luckily as of today people are calling my phone!  I have multiple appointments set up already for the week and I should only anticipate it getting better.

But I am feeling discouraged anyway.  I have been feeling stressed over work and feeling a little like a failure, even though no one else at the office is doing any better.  He came home for lunch today and could tell within seconds that something was up with me.  First of all, I was working from home which I never do, and I didn't smile when I said hello.  He takes me in his arms and comforts me, assuring me that this is my week, everyone goes through rough patches and things are just starting to clear up.  I am going to remember why I have this job, and how good I am at it by the time Friday rolls around.

"Reasons I Love You..."  "#4: You dance without music."

i woke up to a post it underneath those two that read, "...with the woman of my dreams."

like him - i exhaust him.  he's said so a number of times these last couple of weeks.  i knew that moving in together would be difficult but it's so stressful.  i feel like pulling my hair out half the time.  the other half of the time?  he's incredibly kind and sweet and caring and i forget about everything that drives me nuts.  i try to busy myself when i'm irritated (no, not just at him, but at anything) by doing little things for him.  it makes me feel better.  i'm glad he makes me want to be a better person, a nicer person, a more forgiving person.  i hope that on some level i do the same for him.  it's odd, not wanting to change who i am, but adjusting so that the good parts are more pronounced daily and the bad parts take a backseat.  

well, how about that indescribable feeling when you wake up from vivid dreams in which you are cheating on the person you love?

of my job. I can't believe I have been working a new job for two weeks.  Doing well, too.  But that's sort of beside the point.  I am still getting used to being at a new job, with new people, in a new city, in a new apartment.  So much changing in so little time, so much to learn, so much to see and do.

I feel like every time I turn around there is something new I'm hearing about or reading about that I want to check out.  Like this morning, looking up a hotel for my mom close to the apt so that she can stay near me when she visits and I stumble across Movies in The Park - a summer long tradition in Chicago, with roughly three movies playing on any given day between now and Oct. 1 all around the city, in different parks and at museums for free.  (Tonight is Willy Wonka and we're going.)  

Most of this is starting to feel real, but some of it still feeling like a dream.  Saturday night was like a romantic comedy:  We went to Wrigley, bar hopped, danced around together like fools, got caught in the rain and decided to walk home barefoot, holding hands.  But then last night made it all seem real: Cooking dinner for him, mutual back rubs, working together to finish up laundry, him doing the dishes, watching the last of Mad Men together.  And Sundays are starting to feel like vacation : We have spent the last two on the beach all afternoon and eating dinner at The Dock right on the sand, listening to live music and people-watching.

ok.

i started another last night. this is the umpteenth time i have tried to write a book, but i think that this one is the one. 

i know because i can't put down my pen (except to type this post) and i wrote what will become a couple of chapters last night before going to bed. also because the idea hit me and i forgot about the story i've been working on for months now in a matter of seconds.