e.a // poetry

The tide ended when you came back to my arms

And I am finally content looking at the still water

Because it feels like what I’m doing is wrong

That going out with other guys,

Making out in the car before saying goodbye,

And flirting with everyone who isn’t you

But I have to remind myself

I am no longer yours

This is moving on

This is good for me

Repeating to myself

While I’m filled with doubt

Because there is no point to long for

Someone

Who isn’t coming back

Is that I will spend so many years loving someone

For them to turn around

And walk out the door

As if I had meant nothing to them

I hear stories of people who

Leave their lovers

After 7 years, living together with a dog

After 15 years, married with kids

After 40 years, with grandchildren

One day they wake up

And everything you’ve

Ever built together is

Gone before you can say

Goodbye

Is like being in a hall of mirrors

Looking for a familiar reflection

But never finding it

That we believe

When a boy tells us

He loves us

And we make excuses

For behaviour

We don’t deserve

Because we are so scared

To be leave

In case no one

Will ever love us

Again

I would never find someone

Who I could bare my soul to

Because I had lost my soulmate

That if I didn’t deserve his love

It meant that I wasn’t worthy

To be loved by anyone

I put thoughts in my head

For so long that it was me

Who was wrong

My edges were too sharp

And my mind was lined

With hidden mines

But you can’t say

I didn’t try my best

With everything I had

To love you

And you won’t doubt it for a second

Because how could a smile that beautiful

Lie to you

He will say that you are everything to him

And you can’t picture yourself without him

For a second

He will leave you telling you he doesn’t love you

And your heart will shatter into millions of irreplaceable pieces

For the first time

He will find someone else to love

And you will spend years wondering why you were never enough

For him

Tearing apart every thread of my soul

Trying to tie in softer parts for them

Because maybe I could make them stay

If i made myself enough

But they never did

And a week without a word

From you

After 3 years of

Good morning texts

Good night phone calls

My body is throbbing

Because I don’t know how

To do this without you

To kick it back in my place

My bed collapsed

The same week my

Life did

The only difference is

I can buy a new bed

Wondering if you

Would stay

But I am acid

Wrapped in a pretty bottle

And I’ve burnt far

Too many holes

In you

For you to find a reason

Not to leave

For us failing while you didn’t even try to

save us

On the leather couch

Because I am no longer

Your favorite

To smooth my edges

But my thoughts are razor blades

And refuse to dull

That I will blink

And you will be gone again

That every time you close the door

Will be the last

Because I’m living in fear

Of losing you

Off your mouth

Softly breathing

Everything feels foreign

I can’t remember the before

And it feels like I am now stuck

In the after