Living in your villi

Crowley & Aziraphale’s New Year’s Wishes

From http://www.harpercollins.com/author/AuthorExtra.aspx?displayType=essay&authorID=3417

Crowley: 

Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby café is not proper demonic activity.

Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.

Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or “Googling yourself?” Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for “Googling yourself.”

Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, “Low-hanging fruit,” because that’s just like old times.

Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.

Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think it’s ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, that’s all.

Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.

Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.

Aziraphale:

Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.

Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term “core values,” however difficult this may be.

Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase “core values” classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.

Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It can’t be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)

Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.

Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an “Internet” is.

Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the “Galloping Major,” the “Gay Gordons,” the “Mashed Potatoes.” Possibly even the “Twist”?

Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).

Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.

Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design – despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?

Resolution #11: Feed the ducks.

…

(Thinks. Goes and finds the original email chain. It’s from December 2005.)

Ah. Terry wrote 4 Crowleys and 2 Aziraphales. Then I wrote 2 Crowleys and 6 Aziraphales. Then Terry added another 2 Crowleys and another 3 Aziraphales,  including one I would have sworn was mine. 

So now I know.

If anyone can correctly identify whose are whose (and I’ve done a fair bit of the work for you in the numbers above) post it here, and if I notice a correct one, I’ll find something fun and Good Omens related from the edit suite to send you.

(This is definitely not the sort of official contest that needs rules and stuff. It’s not the kind of thing you can “win” by picking every combination and posting it, because I’m going to be checking the replies to this, and that’s just going to irritate me. It’s more of a vague curiosity stop.) 

For Crowley:

Terry Pratchett

1

2

3

4

7

8

Neil Gaiman

5

6

For Aziraphale:

Terry Pratchett

2

3

5

8

10

Neil Gaiman

1

4

6

7

9

11

I’m almost certainly wrong with my guess above, but I went ahead and decided to play with numbers, because I felt like it, and also because I wanted to exercise my math skills, and I wanted to see how many possible combinations there are.

By my calculations there are 12,936 possible combinations that fit the criteria Mr. Gaiman outlined.

Since I’m a bit rusty at calculating combinations and permutations, I’ll show my work below the cut, if anyone cares to read a little about math or wants to correct me.

https://twitter.com/NintendoAmerica/status/1007653991671447552

We both knew our bibles. That’s where the jokes were, after all.

step 1: have to do something

step 2: dont

step 3: feel guilty you havent done it

step 4: conclude you are not allowed to do anything until you do the thing

step 5: dont

In a new video for the slinky, jazz-rooted BADBADNOTGOOD song “Lavender,” a character named “Ronald Klump,” a satirical Donald Trump stand-in, is the victim of a Looney Tunes-ian “BANG,” fired by Snoop Dogg. (The video is also heavy on Snoop’s favorite subject, the continuous ingestion of pot.)

Women In Science Art Prints and T-shirts by Rachel Ignotofsky on Etsy

Virgin boy eggs are widely accepted as a time-honored tradition of the city, rather than considered taboo like most other cultures.[1] Boy egg vendors go to elementary schools in the city where they collect urine from young boys, preferably under the age of ten. The children, having been raised in the city and indoctrinated into its culture, are used to the practice. As young boys would in schools from many other cultures, they excuse themselves from class when they feel the urge to urinate. However, instead of going to the restroom, they relieve themselves in the basin that the vendors place in the hallways. Some vendors go as far as to wait with containers in parks or public restrooms for a parent who is willing to let their child offer urine.[1][7] The teachers, being accustomed to the tradition as well, often remind the boys to not urinate in the basin if any of them have a fever or feel ill.[1][7] In addition to buying them from street vendors, residents of Dongyang are also known to cook and prepare the eggs at home, using the urine from household boys.[2] Although modern medical research provides evidence that there are no health benefits from ingesting urine, the virgin boy eggs remain deeply rooted in tradition. As of 2012, the eggs are sold for about 1.50 yuan (approximately $0.24) per egg and are approximately twice the price of normal eggs.[2] However, not all of Dongyang’s residents enjoy the dish. One local man was quoted stating, “The smell kills me. I feel like throwing up at the thought of it. It stinks.”[1] In general, virgin boy eggs remain highly acclaimed by the people of Dongyang for both its taste and even its “fragrant” smell.[2]