35 M

Dr. Abbot leads her a little aways from the exit while everyone else is getting all their things together. She can see the way that he glances over at Dr. Robby, who seems to be headed towards a conversation with Dana, and then his attention is on her again. He holds eye contact like it comes naturally to him, while Mel has to fight to keep it without fidgeting or turning away. He’s intimidating, and she’s preparing herself for whatever reprimand is about to come down on her head. Was it the spinal tap against the parents’ wishes? The way she told on Santos about the REBOA? Maybe the way she kept sneaking off to gather her wits? There are probably a million—

“I wanted to apologize for this morning,” Dr. Abbot says curtly, and Mel blinks up at him.

“...um,” she says, because she can’t really think of anything else. “I’m… sorry? For… what, exactly?”

“This morning,” he repeats. “When I told you to talk to me at the end of your shift.”

The conversation feels like so many worlds away that Mel has to genuinely think about it. She must’ve lived at least three lives in the span of the last fifteen hours, but when the memory finally slides into place, she bites her lip and then shrugs as nonchalantly as she can.

“Oh. I mean… You were right,” she says quietly, picking at the skin of her thumb with her index finger at her side. “I definitely feel different than I did when I came in. It was a lot. And I learned a lot! For sure. But it was…” She clears her throat. “You don’t… need to apologize or anything, even if I appreciate the thought—”

“I do need to apologize,” he interrupts, and she falls silent. “You’re an exceptional doctor, from what Robby told me. I might’ve been in a bad mood when you introduced yourself, but that was no reason for me to shoot you down like that. Especially not after the shitshow today ended up being.”

It’s a lot to take in with the way her brain’s starting to feel like it’s full of lead, and it takes Mel a second to process what he’s saying. Dr. Abbot’s a lot taller than she is, and he stands with his hands clasped behind his back like some kind of drill sergeant, and his tone brokers zero argument. But the words exceptional doctor come through clear as day, and under that stoic and sarcastic persona, Mel thinks there might be someone almost gentle there. A softness underneath the scars. Or, at least, she hopes so.

“...yeah,” she says, nodding and laughing a little. It’s not exactly funny, and there’s not a lot of mirth in it, but it’s a laugh anyway. “Yeah, it—yeah, today was a shitshow.”

“But you did good.” Dr. Abbot holds that eye contact when she tries to look away, following her like a bird. “You know that, right?”

The way he says it comes with so much conviction that Mel doesn’t even question it this time. She swallows hard, thinking of everything that’s happened today. None of it felt good, and none of it felt like she was making any progress, but… she can believe it, in this moment, that she proved herself. At least there’s that.

“Yeah,” she says softly. “I tried to. I hope I did.”

“You did,” he insists, like it’s a personal mission.

Although it takes a second, Mel nods.

Then, to her shock, she gets a smile. It’s not a bright, cheerful smile, but there’s something… kind about it. Dr. Abbot isn’t like Dr. Robby, and maybe that’s a good thing when it’s needed. The smile’s gone as quickly as it came, and Dr. Abbot straightens up again from where he’d tilted his head to follow her eyes when she tried to look away.

“Don’t forget that,” he says, hitching his bag more securely onto his shoulder. “And don’t let an old shit like me get to you. This place needs more people like you. The patients need more people like you. So you keep going. You got it, Dr. King?”

A proud warmth blossoms in her chest, tendrils of it trying to reach out and brighten the tired agony of the day. It hadn’t felt like that, most of the day, but between Dr. Abbot and Dr. Robby’s affirmations, Mel thinks she might just be able to come back tomorrow.

“Got it,” she replies, and Dr. Abbot nods as he turns on his heel.

“Good,” he says, and throws a vague goodbye wave over his shoulder as he makes his way towards Dr. Robby waiting for him near the exit to triage. “Now get out of here before you change your mind.”

That’s really all she needs. Dr. Robby gives her a little wave too, and she returns it with probably too much false cheer. She can see it in his eyes that the day’s gone just as poorly for him as it has her.

Once they’re both gone, Mel pushes the door open with her shoulder and takes off down the street. She’s already thinking about how she needs to pick up Becca and how to finagle a shower without waking her up once Mel convinces her to go to bed, but the words echo in her mind. That warmth in her chest stays, beating in time with her heart as she rounds a corner and holds her phone up to her ear.

“Hey,” she says, counting down each number on the crosswalk across the street as they flicker one by one. “I’m done with my shift. I’m coming to pick you up, okay?”

Becca’s full of delight, as always. It keeps that warm feeling flickering like a campfire.

“Did your first day go okay? How do you like it there? Is it fun?”

Mel smiles, waiting for the last car to drive by as she’s hit with a familiar barrage of questions.

“We’ll see how I feel after a few more shifts,” she says, hurrying across the street. “Anyway, what about you? You’re going to have to tell me all about your day when I get there.”

It wasn’t the VA, that’s for sure, but… she could learn to love the Pitt. She could learn to make it her home, and the people there a weird, messed up sort of family. She can come back and try again.

As long as every day doesn’t end up like today, anyway.