I experience emotions and connections very VERY intensely and this can lead to the bad symptoms because over excitation tends to trip that wire often as much as getting into a bad association loop sensory wise. I don't really have much else in the way of words for those, best I can describe it. I think in most cases they just numb a lot and in other severe bad reactions cause profoundly worse cognitive dysfunction. Like if you shut down the dopamine centric systems it will even though it's not the root blunt everything but this also deletes the person because without that we would essentially have no motivation, experience little to no pleasure, and do nothing. It also plays into cognition in other highly complex ways. When my symptoms ramp it up I'll describe it like my brain is sort circuiting in a very specific way that will cause extreme paranoia and agitation. It will happen more so the more neuro inflammation I have, like for example if I eat like shit one night the next day it will be much worse but if I stop taking all of my supplements then I'd be in hell in a week tops, won't even be able to work or communicate properly. The amount of things I take daily to control this is ridiculous, the problem is clearly very complex but I think it just hijacks the dopamine loop branching from the core dysfunction that might have something to do with other signalling and brain waves. Psychiatry took lobotomizing people like this through that system and ran with it because they "cured" them by turning them into a human paperweight who just stares at a wall all day drooling.
Like in my worst states I have this pattern where my brain will take all incoming stimuli and interpret it in a way that to put in words feels like "battle music playing but no one is there" and any other person I see will get this projected on them and their own reason for the feeling. Then my brain just starts short circuiting, my cognition get screwed, communication goes down the toilet, I will jump at my own shadow, if I experience any excitation at all this will cause an flushing loop that can take all day to taper off. I'll be consciously aware this is all happening but feel like my nervous system is being controlled by something else, it's quite horrifying. Not my actual personality at all, forced emotions. At the times when it stops and I have the contrast it's like night/day. I'd describe it like instead of active dream state it's more like an active nightmare state. The entire world feels off, the sensory field is highly distorted, and everything/everyone is evil. Don't even get me started on the intrusive thoughts in this state, they aren't even mine besides hijacking and distorting my perspective. If I have any anxiety at all, the slightest bit this will turn into a wormhole of bad psychedelic trip torment. Again full realization but hopeless to anything about it until the episode stops once one bad enough has initiated.
My baseline will always have a bit of this but on my stack right now, I have more hours of the day with my head above the water and can do more. I am about to start a trial of P-glia plasmalogen in a week and I'll see how that goes. Currently on top of everything else I take pro resolving mediators got me the furthest but all my herbals (cistus incanus, propolis, and fucoidan together are life savers) and baseline vitamins just stop the absolute worst from happening plus higher dose vitamin C. RLT for some reason is also crucial but from all my experiences we are just more prone to mitochondrial dysfunction and I fall under the viral like symptom pathology in the ME sphere. I'll keep cracking at it.
izzy806
turnnoffyourmind
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
andulkaphoto
