What I am upset about is how on here there is no actual community for us (or anywhere for that matter), it's just just a bunch of separated posters and porn if I search for transgender women here (which if you do make it and it's your personal decision this isn't a knock at you). If there is any out there they're so dead or just push out the less fortunate among us to preserve their perfect image because even they'd rather not realize the ugly reality for most of us who have no voice (and the bottom oh that ice berg extends to the bottom of the ocean). The spotlight is always on us yet there we're pushed off the face of the earth wherever we go. Where are we all going? Gee I wonder if it has something to do about abuse, lack of easily accessible HRT/blockers because of medical gating and distance, and the public not wanting to acknowledge the answer to that question I experience every day of my life where if I was even just a little less far from the bottom I'd be just another statistic. I live in a perpetual state of shock at it and my accessibility to what I need. You don't want to know what it feels like to be a girl being treated like a man with a grotesque, chromosome and androgen mutilated body/brain with the wrong sex organs wired in male ways feels like. I'm going to be as disgusting about describing the visceral torture of it as much as I can because everyone needs to hear it and we need medical advancements with real communities or this is going to keep happening forever. The trauma of the sexuality being forced down my throat in how I'm treated, my disgusting body with all these extra/weird shaped bones and hair EVERYWHERE, and how it just feeds itself in a loop is something I would wish on no other living thing. Most of that suffering you never hear from transgender people in that invisible zone and no one wants to actually talk about the above because the experience is so profoundly dehumanizing, ugly, and embarrassing.
Just needing to defend your own sex on a daily basis to people who don't believe you already puts you in such a bizarre position alone even if people generally accept you. Usually with the people who do "respect" me I just don't get gendered at all, it's just they or NOTHING as if acknowledging me as what I am will rip a hole in the fabric of reality itself. It's. So. Tiring. Like ask any cis person what being a man/woman feels like and you'll probably get a lot of blank stares, they simply feel like/identify with their birth parts/brain/androgen levels and there is no way to imagine what it'd be like not to. It's such a dehumanizing condition on that front too, there's no way to describe the experience in a way that totally makes sense to cis people.
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