I may think of you softly from time to time. But I’ll cut off my hand before I ever reach for you again.

The real goodbye is the one that happens slowly, over time, wordlessly. There is no ‘see you again.’ There are no future plans. You stop checking up on each other, and eventually you go back to being strangers.

there’s a saying that says “if you love someone, you’ll want them to be happy, even if it’s not with you.” and i never understood what that meant, but now i think i do. the reason i’m not reaching out is because i don’t want you to feel like i’m intruding on your life if you don’t want me to be there. i don’t want to interfere with your feelings or force myself into your head. i don’t want anything ingenuine happening between us, ever, even if it kills me not to have you in my life. i want you to be happy if it means us going our separate ways, if that’s what you truly want. if it means you not choosing me, or choosing someone else. because despite how much it pains me, i don’t want to be the reason the stress of love falls upon you, especially if you are not looking for it in me. and so i am going to leave you be, even if that means not speaking to you or seeing you ever again. i may never be the reason behind your smile, but i don’t ever want to be the reason you stop.

im sorry that i loved you the way that i did. i was young and foolish and it was the only way i knew how. i wish i could’ve loved you better, but the truth is, i could not have loved you more.

i feel like i remember everything about you, but i don’t expect you to remember anything about me. i’ve always thought it so odd that people can move on after knowing someone, loving someone, caring about someone. people who can look away and forget, like it never happened. while i’m sitting here four and a half years later and i know your favorite flavor of ice cream and the meaning of your license plate and the music that you play when you drive. do you remember anything about me? or were you able to just blink and forget?