Dxlly

But I’ll always remember

I’ll always know why I always choose zero

I’ll always know why I act like I’m looking for the expiration date or the ingredients when I know I’m not

I’ll always know how comfortable I felt being “in control”

Every time I try to give myself the space to breathe out, I remember how it feels to not have to

I hate cartoons for giving me fantasies about things I can’t have

I want a memory erase-a-nator

I want to forget that I know

I want to forget how it feels

I want to forget that at some point

I genuinely didn’t think I’d make it this far

I thought that by the time the years changed to these dates, maybe the only thing I’d be is remembered

“You don’t look autistic to me?”

Or

“Oh I don’t think you are! It’s okay”

One more time?

I don’t know if it would’ve helped but I’m feeling like we might find out.

No I’m not TA?

I love my entourage, don’t get me wrong, but for years I’ve been feeling like I don’t want to embarrass them by being too much of me that I kind of forgot that I’m not just someone they know? Like I’m more than just someone people know?? I’m allowed to be myself without all of me pleasing others, not every part of me is going to be for everyone. And I have to trust them enough to tell me if they actually were embarrassed by me, but for now? 🙈see no evil 🙉hear no evil 🙊speak no evil type beat.

Anyway I’m off to go do more nerd shit and I’m going to ENJOY IT

And second of all, looking at the state of my busted up wired earphones I’ve had for ages, don’t you think if I could afford to change them I WOULD?