this blog is part of me, a chapter in my life, and i think i would hate myself should i ever delete it. delete this me, a me with you, a me that was part of us. i miss you so much, and my heart aches and i’m overwhelmed with everything that is seeping back, the things i never let myself feel and acknowledge until now, drowning it all away with tons of alcohol for months, escaping. i have no choice but to feel it all now, months later, and feel sick to my stomach because i’ve lost you. what hurts isn’t that i’ve lost a boyfriend, but that i have lost a best friend. i’m without you as a part of my life, and it feels empty like you wouldn’t even believe. i feel like i’m being slowly and tortuously picked apart, and i can barely even listen to music any longer without feeling pain in my throat. but ever deleting you? deleting evidence that you were ever a part of my life? pretending like you weren’t the person i talked to every day for more than a year and being so happy with? you say you never regretted us, and yet, you’re doing just that. to me it’s unthinkable. impossible. cause i never regretted us, and i still don’t. you’re still so important in my growing. you’re an undeniable piece of me, and it just hurts that it was so easy for you to do what’s just impossible for me. i am so sorry for leading you to have to delete me, because i just know that’s what happened. i never thought i’d place in the same category as her, the one before me. it kills me that i ended up that way despite the promises
