I'M ME.

His laughter and the nickname cue more laughter from her, loud and unrestrained, unhinged as she leans forward and rests her head on his shoulder now to catch her breath. “Oh that’s such a good idea! I could bleed them over and over…” She giggles a bit more, then ends up giving him a tight squeeze before pulling back a bit. 

“You’re so smart! I bet it would be so much more fun that way.” Himiko leans in and pecks his lips through the mask in a chaste little kiss as a thank you for the offer, the thought of blood to sate any need making her excited. She pulls back giggling, but makes sure to give him another little squeeze before she actually gets up. “Do you want a fudgesicle?”

     jin starts to thank her for the praise--of course, i’m a genius and nothing less! no thanks needed, you see--but she stops the words from leaving his mouth with her kiss. it’s quick, barely a second long, and it’s through his mask as well which eliminates a great deal of intimacy. she’s planted kisses on just about everyone in the league too, her quick and easy way of showing thanks. but he can’t recall her planting one on anyone’s  l i p s  before now.

Her smile turns toward him as he pulls back to look her in the eye and ask about her personal experience. “They’ve loved me, yeah. Some more than others, some maybe as much as I loved them, I think.” She shakes her head a little though and wrinkles the top of her nose just for a second. “But they’re all gone now… so I guess it was a mistake to keep me in bed more than one night, right?” Her own statement makes her laugh. Even the ones that she’d fallen for but were only interested in physical matters, they had made the same mistake. 

     he laughs with her at that, much louder than usual. “you’re a devil!” he says, fighting back more giggles. “hey, if you ever wanna keep ‘em around for more than a few nights, lemme know! i can whip up a couple clones for you to go to town on!”

The hand that had taken to rubbing his back moves to his head instead, cradling it gently, keeping her pressed against her as they talk, her fingers running over the soft, pliable material of his mask. He’s baring his soul to her, and she’s not going to judge him for any of it. Life is hard; harder, for people like them. 

“But you still want that, don’t you? Because you’ve known the good, even for a bit.” But he’s closed himself off to avoid being hurt again. It’s so sad, but she might have done the same, if her relationships didn’t tend to end in violence, gore and ecstasy. “You could say the same about me, if you think about it.” She offers lightheartedly, more to make him smile than for him to consider her a dating option, but she’s not really thinking too much before she says it.

     does he want that? the few times he’s felt it, it’s never ended well. so has he ever felt it to begin with? is it real if it ends so poorly?

She smiles a bit more when he relaxes against her, and just lets himself be taken care of for a moment. One of her hands rubs his back a little, while she leans her head against his, and considers what he’s saying. Has he never fallen in love, or has he been hurt? The former seems more likely to her, with his personality and the way he cares for the rest of the League members.

“You’ve felt it, right? Sometimes it doesn’t work, though. A few of my boyfriends were scared of me before it ended for them… Some didn’t even notice that it was ending. Sometimes I didn’t notice. I don’t think it worked that well for me either.” She offers a small chuckle. “Maybe you were just looking in the wrong places though.”

     why is she so sweet to him? jin knows the rest of the league cares, but none of them care in the same way she does, and he’s not even sure she does it on purpose. when his mask was torn back during their time with the yakuza, she didn’t hesitate to patch it up and stop the mission dead in its tracks just to comfort him. marry me, he’d said then, eyes watering and heart swelling.

She can see that her words had some effect on him, though she’s not sure what exactly might be going through his mind, which one of him is talking inside his head, or what they might be saying, but it’s obvious from the way he grabs at his head and the silence that follows that there’s something going on there. Then he snarls at himself, tugging at his mask. 

It’s not working.

So she leans forward, and pulls him into her arms, holding him firmly but gently, so he won’t split or have a meltdown. “Hey, it’s okay.” She offers, her voice sweet and low, smiling a little at the wall behind him. “Tell me what’s happening, Jin. I’m right here.”

     he turns stiff as a board when she takes hold of him. he’s so unused to the feeling, but he’s slowly becoming adjusted to it. he carefully relaxes in her arms and lets his head rest limply on her shoulder.

     go on and tell her. tell her about how you’re so fucking crazy that no one ever--

“I don’t want it to mean nothing, Jin. I want it to mean the world.” 

Dabi doesn’t understand her, nor Tomura, not even Jin, it seems. But she doesn’t mind chatting about it, letting others see that it’s fine to show your feelings and care so deeply. Most of her friends are too afraid to show any feelings, to try and connect with anyone. They might be too different. She’s always been too different to everyone, but at least in the League no one hates her for it.

“What use is anything, if I still feel empty and alone when it’s over?” 

     she’s got a point you know. he’s had a handful of girlfriends, a few boyfriends, but they never last long. eventually they realize he’s crazy, deranged, a psychopath beyond helping--at least that’s what they’ve said. it’s happened so often, he’s inclined to believe.

     it’s because they’re right, idiot! you’ve been out of your skull since before i cut you open! round the bend and mad as a hatter! you talk more with me than you do to your so-called friends!

“I don’t know what you mean…” She purses her lips a little, tilting her head to the side as she looks at him, dressed so casually and wearing his mask. “I don’t rush into relationships all the time, I’m not even with him yet. We’re getting to know each other still.” She falls hard, and she falls fast, but she doesn’t think it’s that weird. Holding hands, kissing, wanting to be with someone, it was normal when you were crushing, and it ended up leading to love, right? A first kiss could turn a crush into love in a second if you were with the right person. “I don’t just want to sleep with people at random. Even if all I wanted was sex… isn’t it sad, to treat people like objects?”

     jin waves his hand dismissively and plops back down on the couch facing her. “you can fuck someone without seeing them as an object!” he insists. “i do it all the time! nothing ever has to mean anything if you don’t want it to!”

“Tomura is the leader, of course he knows him.” She replies dejectedly, though she knows it’s not the Jin that cares for her that is talking, but the Jin that calls names and such, so she can’t find it in herself to be angry at him, even if her feelings were put in question. She doesn’t turn to look when she hears him stand up and rustle with something, but she knows what’s happening, so she looks up at the apology. 

“Are you jealous?” She asks, pushing a smile onto her lips, and letting the feelings of inadequacy melt off, the way her skin sheds when she changes. That’s always been easy, except for love. Love… it takes over her and won’t leave, she can’t help herself when it comes to love. She giggles a little and shrugs. “I promise we’ll still hang out even if I’m with Izuku, Jin.”

“Shut up, you know nothing about us!” Her rage was immediate at the comment about Izuku, even if she knew he was right. She moved her legs quickly and kicked his own away, hard. A moment later, she had her back to him, with her legs pressed to her chest, and her arms around them, a pout on her lips. Of course she knew that, but it was normal, after all. Not every love story started with both people being into each other, but Izuku would fall for her, and she’d be just like him, sooner or later. “He just doesn’t know me well enough yet!” 

She huffed a little, but did not move away, hoping to get a comforting hug or some sort of apology, hoping for some physical contact despite the angry outburst she’d had, and despite the fact that half of her mind denied she wanted that at all. “He knows my name already, you know. He recognized me…” 

          “he recognizes shigaraki too! so what?” shut up, shut up, shut up! we can’t just talk to her like that! then how else are we supposed to do it? she’s gotta learn one way or another!

     jin doesn’t really seem to mind her pouting or pushing him away. he stands and nearly rips the familiar mask from his pocket. now just keep your mouth shut! it feels so much better when his mask is over his face, like a hug from the last bit of his mind that’s not falling apart. he sighs and runs a hand over his head.

The girl nudges him with her foot gently at the compliment, rolling her eyes but smiling brightly anyway. His joke makes her join in on his laughter though, unrestrained and just a tad unhinged, it rings along with his own before she quiets down, her hand tugging at a sleeve as she moves it to hover over her mouth and look at him. 

“We are the League of Villains, you know. Plus any good boyfriend would want me with them instead. I’d be sad if they didn’t care at all.” She shrugs a bit and smiles at him instead. “ I don’t like anyone new, just Izuku… he’s so pretty. But I haven’t seen him in a while.”

          “oh yeah, he was the one you met at the hideout raid, right?” jin scratches his chin idly. “he’s the one shigaraki’s always after too. maybe if you’re not with him, he’s not that interested in you!” he smacks a hand over his mouth.  “ s h u t   u p ! ” 

“If I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t have slept here.” More girly laughter escapes her lips as she shakes her head, though the blush on her cheek heightens just a bit. No if she had a boyfriend she’d try to sleep at their house if possible. Many boys let her. Maybe not boys like Deku, because he dorms at the school, but others had before she’d met him and before she joined the League. “He’d get jealous that I’m staying in a house with so many men, don’t you think?” 

          “please, you’re too far outta any of our leagues to worry anyone.” jin says, laughing to himself. “well, maybe atsuhiro, but he’s a little busy with the stick up his ass.”

Her eyes narrow as he blows the smoke toward her this time, bathing her in the scent of his addiction, but she finds she doesn’t mind that much. Maybe she’d smoke too if it came from someone’s mouth instead. The thought lingers on her mind even as she leans forward to flick at his cheek in retaliation. “And so does love.” 

She falls back once more, and lets her head hang back toward the cushions, looking up at the ceiling for a moment, ignoring the angry mumble, knowing it’s not for her. She’s been around him long enough. “Mhmm, lollipops are really good.” She licks her lips a little, then looks at him, a small breath of laughter escaping between them. “I love sweets best of all.”

     jin shoots her a not-so-serious glare as she flicks his cheek, but her suggestion isn’t lost on him. love just doesn’t like to work out with him. the closest thing he’s gotten to it before has been a handful of one night stands. most people don’t mind baggage, but he’s got a little more than that.

Golden eyes remain unblinking as she watches her friend choke on the smoke he’d been inhaling, cough, and have to gather himself again before answering her question. Her brows furrow a bit, but the vague smile remains on her lips through it all. 

Rat piss and burnt rubber. What an odd selection of flavors to choose to put in your mouth willingly, she thinks. A part of her has to wonder, if kissing him then tastes like rat piss and burnt rubber as well. The thought makes her chuckle and stick her tongue out. Not her type at all. 

“I rather have a lollipop.” She answers, shaking her head a little, then tilting her head to the side. “A lollipop could keep you busy too. Do you just do it because it looks cool? That’s why boys did it when I went to school. And girls too, the yankees and such.” 

     jin shrugs and retracts his hand, taking another deep breath. this time he smirks and blows the lungful of smoke toward toga, snickering to himself. “well i heard it was supposed to help with depression and shit like that.” he says, shrugging a bit. “dunno if that’s true but now i’m stuck on it.”

“Maybe. Were you going to wear it today?” She swings her legs out of the way before he plops down beside her, hovering in an awkward position just for a moment, before she moves them back to now settle them on his lap as she relaxes once more on the couch, not really bothering much with asking for permission to do so. A little blush creeps up on her cheeks at the compliment, and her eyes fall closed as she smiles. “Thank you.” She pauses for a moment, looking at the cigarette between his lips for a moment, watching it burn, and the way he exhales smoke, as if fire burned inside his lungs. “Does that taste good?”

          “i’m not goin’ anywhere.” is his only response. jin rests one arm on her shins while the other continues its work with his cigarette. at her question, he laughs--mid-puff too, so he ends up coughing a bit about halfway through. “hell no!” he says. “tastes like rat piss and burnt rubber!” then a shrug. “but it keeps me occupied, so i don’t really mind.”