CFIO

I am a 2023 NCA National Champion. That still dosent sound real or feel real.I used to always see posts about winning and I used to dream about it.I never in a million years would have thought that in my last year I would be able to call myself that but I can. Winning seems impossible, and unrealistic because so many people go to NCA every year and never come back with a jacket. This is gonna sound completely cheesy and cringe but you need to believe. You need to believe you can do it and say you will do it and then you will.i never believed in manifestation until this weekend. I didn’t think we were that good anyway, which is probably a good thing because when people get cocky that’s when they get to comfortable and that’s when you loose. (Also karma is a bitch, don’t be nice just because you thought you won)I wish everyone was able to experience what it is like to win something like this because it is truly a dream come true. This team is amazing and I cannot wait to get even better with them because we already won NCA, we gotta go all the way now. SUMMIT CHAMPIONS, we are coming for you 💪🏼💪🏼

That is my car. my very first car. i haven’t even picked a name yet it’s still so new. i rear ended someone and it was the most traumatizing experience of my life because obviously ive never been in an accident before. i went to court yesterday and i was so scared my stomach hurt and i could cry, then i went in the room and there were hella people in there that i knew and it made me laugh. The judge was nice, and im glad he was for everyone else’s sake because if not i definitely would’ve started balling. I was listening to some of the people as they went up and plead guilty or not to their charges. there was a kid there that was being charged with battery. he had glasses, long hair, he was definitely like a nerd and prolly very smart, short, and awkward. i was assuming he prolly got in a fight at school and my dad said he hopes he won. I listened to some of the people and their attitudes toward the judge and being there, the one thing i learned is that as long as you act like a good person who made a mistake instead of arguing your side and getting out of the consequences they will usually try to work the charges out in your favor, you could either not have as many charges or your consequences will be less. At least i didn’t have to go to school that day.

so i’m a junior in high school right and in like 4 months i’m gonna be a senior. I’ve never said that out loud but now i did and i’m terrified. i’m scared to grow up, i’m scared to do life without my parents, and make decisions for myself. i should be more worried about the fact that my grade will be able to vote for the president of the united states soon. I don’t know what i wanna do with my life, like i have interests but i feel like none of them would be good enough for a career to support a healthy life and a flexible one. I like criminal phycology, i wanna know what fucked up shit went on is someone’s mind to make them wanna kill someone, but still, it’s just an interest that i have. I feel like when i see people who have it all together i’m jealous, but then i think they are going through life just as blind as you are, they are just better at showing they aren’t scared. Always remember that perfect person who has it all together, that might be you to them. not me tho but you maybe. 😕

i feel like i wish life wasn’t so embarrassing. like if i didn’t care what people thought so much life would be so fun, like being a kid again. now everything is embarrassing blowing ur nose in class, sniffling in class, or ur stomach growling even though that’s literally a bodily function that everyone does, for some reason it’s so embarrassing. My squeak when i turn my car on is the most embarrassing thing i have ever experienced in my life and it shouldn’t be, i love my car and not everyone has one and i’m so grateful for it, so why is it so embarrassing. i wish people knew how to be sympathetic and mind their business. At the end of the day we are all leaves from the same branch remember that. humble yourself.

I partied a lot over the summer and the one thing i learned is that all people want is to fit in, i agree i wanna fit in too but like it’s a little much. I have like an overcoming feeling of always missing out on fun things, so much that it makes my stomach hurt. i feel really bad for my parents because i feel like i’m never really having fun with them and i really do love them and they do everything in the world to make me happy. But there’s always something missing. Like even when i’m with my friends i always feel like i’m missing something that could be more fun than what i’m doing with them. that definitely makes me look like a bad person like it’s my way or the highway and i know that, i’ve never left my friends for something better and i would never do that. they have though.

I do believe in girl code i do but i feel like girls now have crossed a line with it. now hear me out ur in a relationship and you break up with that person or whatever. you start dating a new guy and you’ve been dating for a long time and ur happy with him. now say i’m ur friend and i think i like ur ex that you dated a long ass time ago and you get mad. does that make sense ? like is that fair ? because in my head that makes me think you still have feelings for that person and you shouldn’t be with the guy you are with now. now the flip side to that is would i like my friend dating my ex, no, but if that makes them happy then i would get over it because at the end of the day you shouldn’t even think about ur ex if the guy ur with now makes you truly happy, yk ? i jus feel like there’s a fine line between loyalty and happiness and some people have crossed it. Nobody really cares about other peoples feelings now but their own, besides like my mom. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Ive never been a cat person but my parents got me 2 and i named them Lilo and stitch, they aren’t the ones in the picture but they were the best cats, my baby boy was stitch and the girl is still alive but he is not. after he passed away i had like a lot of things changing in my life, then my boyfriend whose not really my boyfriend but he is left for the military, and it was a very devastating time. Again i have no friends so that boy and my cats were it for me and i felt so alone. My mom ended up going to Indiana with my grandma and came back with Sylvester (black) and Tweety in the pic. Sylvester reminds me a lot of stitch. i’m not really into all that spiritual shit but that kinda makes me believe it a little more. Honestly they’re animals so i don’t think they will ever be able to know how much they are loved and appreciated.😚

i don’t really wanna say i’m antisocial cuz i’m not, like i can really go up and talk to anybody anytime with no problem. i just like have no friends tho. like i have friends at cheer that i think are life long ones like my mom said but i don’t really talk to them that much. i hate going to school because i have no friends and i talk to the teachers more than the students. like i have people i talk to but like i only associate with them i don’t tell them my business and stuff but we’re cool. for some reason when i have a really good friend something always happens to mess it up and like i always wonder if it’s me. i mean it’s prolly bad i’m asking if it’s me like i should know if it was my fault but like that’s why it makes me sad because i never know if it’s my fault. idk i just remember what my dad told me when i we pulled up to school one day i said omg i hate all these people and he said well just get it done and you won’t have to see any of them ever again after high school. just waiting for that day now. 🙄

So in my head second place is first loser. this was the most humbling experience i have ever had in my life because i have been going to this competition for 8 years and i have never been that close. A big part of me was extremely upset because i don’t know if i will ever be that close again, the feeling of discouragement in that moment is something that i will take with me for the rest of my life. i have never felt more disappointed. If i won i was going to have to find another dream. At the end of the day it is what it is and it sucks so bad but second in the nation isn’t bad, watch out next year cuz now i’m mad. Second place is still first loser.😉

I feel i really take advantage of having a mother that really loves and cares for me because lots of people don’t have that. i don’t know what i would do without her from picking out an outfit that doesn’t look stupid to needing someone to cry to over a boy, cuz my dad definitely couldn’t handle that. she never sugar coats things, she will never tell you want you want to hear but what you need to hear and sometimes you need to hear it. she is the most supportive person i have ever met and the absolute strongest person i know in life. she really is the only friend that i will have and want to have for the rest of my life. i wish there was a gift big enough to show how appreciative i am of you but nothing i buy will ever match the love and support you give me every day. much love momma D ❤️