Three Years In The Dark

Well that was another habit he'd have to get rid of fast.

(Though he doubted it'd be that easy. Those were habits that had kept him alive. He'd have those for a very long time yet.)

"I... appreciate that." He sighed, though still managing to sound grateful. "I'm better at moving like a person, being around people, using better gear, but... well. I haven't been able to actually fight anything, so I don't know where my skills are at. Hestia updated my Falna, but... we've been more focused on... me. I think if I asked Hestia directly to go back into the dungeon she'd just start crying again..." And who could blame her?

She'd lost him once. Maybe if he went in again the dungeon would try to eat him once more.

He looked back in the direction Hestia and Hogni went, then added;

Passing moments, she stared down the hall where Hogni and Hestia had vanished. She said dinner, right? The kitchen must be that way, then...

"...Do you...want to ask if he wants to come with? It might put Goddess Hestia at ease if he's with..."

The extra protection would be nice, especially if Bell needed to get his body caught up to his new level. Though if they asked Hogni, they'd probably have to save it for another day.

Hogni, who was accustomed to Freya Familia, probably would appreciate coming and helping Bell to acclimatize himself to all the stats he'd gained in the dungeon. At the very least, he'd know best how to do that. Bell barely remembered how it went beyond 'fight things until you didn't feel it anymore'.

"...Yeah." He responded, eventually. "I think Hestia would feel safer if there were others there. She's scared I'll disappear again, I think." A pause, Bell falling silent as he fidgeted - part of him wishing he had his knife, still hating being unarmed.

"He doesn't like... being stared at, though. Makes him nervous. But - but, uh... It'd also be good for him to come, because... Well, I'd probably need to go down pretty far to be properly tested...? And that's... not good. Not... safe." He could feel himself getting nervous - getting quiet, struggling with his words a little.

Talking to normal people was already hard, talking to Ais was so much harder.

"It's okay..." Ais' voice faded just slightly as she was noticing...Was she taller than him now? Not by a lot, but he felt shorter to her now. She felt the need to step closer to get a better estimate, but maybe that would be too much all at once.

Oh--The dungeon!

"If you want, I could go with you--" She was cut short as there was a squeal of a sound down the hall. In silence, she watched as Hogni--with his cloak held up in front of his face--was pushed along through the entryway by Hestia, guiding him toward the kitchen.

...It was still strange, seeing him like that. Away from Freya Familia. She'd seen Hedin around Orario with him still, too...She'd heard he also left years ago...

Well that was another habit he'd have to get rid of fast.

(Though he doubted it'd be that easy. Those were habits that had kept him alive. He'd have those for a very long time yet.)

"I... appreciate that." He sighed, though still managing to sound grateful. "I'm better at moving like a person, being around people, using better gear, but... well. I haven't been able to actually fight anything, so I don't know where my skills are at. Hestia updated my Falna, but... we've been more focused on... me. I think if I asked Hestia directly to go back into the dungeon she'd just start crying again..." And who could blame her?

She'd lost him once. Maybe if he went in again the dungeon would try to eat him once more.

He looked back in the direction Hestia and Hogni went, then added;

Hestia felt her heart flutter, watching the two of them. She still was the one. She had no right to get in between them like she used to try to do...Maybe...she really should talk to Loki again.

She made a quiet sound, then started humming as she left the room--she was going to go find Hogni. He cooked last night, but she was sure he wouldn't mind doing it again if she was the one that asked. She needed to tell him to prepare one extra plate, too.

...Maybe if he concentrated he could remember a bit of Hedin's lessons? As long as he didn't lean too far into dungeon habits he should be fine.

And... as long as noone tried to take his food, or. Or touch his neck. Then Ais wouldn't have any reason to worry about him.

...Okay maybe there was a little to be stressed about.

"I'm sorry I never visited you." He said, eventually, eyes flicking to Hestia as she left. "I wanted to go out more! But I kinda..." He trailed off for a moment, fidgeting, before locating the words. "The dungeon is... less open. I'm... still getting used to the city. Even with the cloak Hogni helped me buy, I still get overwhelmed from all the people - going all the way to Loki didn't... feel possible." And Bell was sure that the rest of Hestia Familia was trying to keep his return as quiet as possible - keep him out of the spotlight during his annoyingly slow recovery.

He appreciated it, if they were.

She quietly listened and let him take his time to explain. She was glad to hear some of it, and she even understood his Familia's hesitance to some degree--but had his goddess even offered to level him up yet?

He would need to go back in the dungeon, too. To catch his body and mind up with his new level. There was...absolutely know way he didn't gain one or two while he was trapped.

He could very well have jumped to seven, already.

"It is...a very unheard of situation." His Familia might be taking time for themselves to adjust as well.

"--Beeeell!" A higher pitched voice sounded from the hall and Hestia wandered in, only to halt the moment she saw their visitor. Ah. So she finally stopped by. She was wondering when that would happen.

The small goddess cleared her throat.

"I was going to ask Hogni or Hedin to make us some food," she'd been enjoying the elf cuisine they always made, "if Wallenwha--...Ais wants to join us, she can. If she wants to."

(And also a complex mix of other emotions at seeing what it had done to him)

Then there's a subtle flinch for a half-moment - a tensing, curling down slightly as though preparing for a fight, that just as quickly drops away when he registers who spoke.

Hestia. Goddess Hestia who cared so much. It was fine.

"Goddess!" He responded as he turned, voice a little louder now. (Ais hands likely moving out of place at the motion, if they were even still there). Still quiet, but not quite so much a whisper anymore. TWO people he trusted! Very good~ "Please? I... want..." He began, trailing off almost immediately. He wanted her to stay, but... but it was cruel to assume she wanted to.

"They're good at cooking." Bell said, at Ais this time. "Master Hedin is really good at it. He's really good at a lot of things. Don't ask him to teach you, though. He's strict." Bell remembered that. Not most of the training, no, but that it happened, and that it had taken several straight days.

Her smile faded from her face, but she kept her hands against his face, cradling--hoping it was helping him in some way. It was...right? She couldn't tell if she was just making it worse or not.

Though, while he confessed his fears and worries to her, she felt that...gently moving her thumbs over his skin was something she should do. While she saw no tears, it still...felt right.

"Is your Familia supporting you?" She looked around the entryway--as far as she knew, they were still alone. She'd met Goddess Hestia before, and the few times she'd interacted with her...she would've been very surprised if the little Goddess paid Bell no mind or worried affection after being trapped in the dungeon for so long.

Hogni had been hard to read in just those few seconds, too...

She shook her head, then lifted her hands just a little to have Bell look her in the eyes. "I'm...happy. You made it out of the dungeon in one piece."

Though she seemed more concerned than anything else.

Her question, though...

"Ah... I. Th-think so?" He responded, after a moment. Swallowing once, twice, as he tried to shove the Fear and Anxiety back down and away. At least long enough to have a conversation with her that wasn't just him yelling his woes at her. Ais holding his face helped... somehow. He wasn't sure how.

"They... give me space. They helped... fix some old injuries." His arm, which he still argued was fine as it was. He'd been used to it, it wouldn't have hurt him to leave like that... "They help me figure out what I should be eating more of. ...They don't get mad that I keep some jars of stuff in my room..." The last one, admitted softly, embarrassedly, because he'd said he'd take only one but he was sure they'd noticed he'd taken more than that.

"They're trying." He decided on, after a moment of silence (still gripping his middle cause holding something helped, and he'd actively die if the thing gripped was Ais). "I... don't think they know what to do." And to be fair, Bell also didn't know what they ought to do. None of them really had experience in... this. "Hogni tries a lot. Hestia cried when she saw me." Not that he could blame her. She was the only one who would have known for sure he was alive.

She must have been so scared.

Never knowing if she'd go to sleep and wake up to even the feel of his active Falna, gone.

...He spoke far more quietly than she remembered. Soft, almost silent, fragmented as if scared to be heard. It was painful, comparing him mentally to the version she knew from before.

Even if his resemblance to a rabbit was more accurate now.

Cautiously, she stepped forward. Don't run away. She didn't know if she could bear it if he did again.

Ais' hands carefully touched his cheeks, that small smile gracing her already soft features.

"...It's...okay for the hero to need a hero themselves sometimes..." she hoped her voice was soothing to him, she wasn't quite sure of it herself. "I don't think you realize it, and...I didn't either, at the time. But...you're the one that taught me that."

Not strongly, not enough to really physically move him, just a subtle stiffening because he hadn't interacted with her in even longer than his own Familia, so his memories of her were... well.

Fuzzy.

Training. Dancing. Combat. A disagreement regarding Wiene that had ended... some kind of way. Likely not in that specific order.

And then she touched him. The tension ramped up for a moment; nerves fried from years in constant danger - and then he felt himself relaxing.

(Did the others in his Familia touch him? Had they made any contact at all outside of fixing his arm? He couldn't remember.)

He... taught her that? When? When was this moment that he did not recall? Bell felt bad that he couldn't remember. Aweful, even. But he also felt like his voice was locked up, opening and closing his mouth in multiple aborted attempts at responding, eyes flicking between her, and away.

Eventually settling on away because looking at her made it too hard to speak.

"It, was..." he started - voice still slow and soft, but shaking slightly now. "It was scary." Terrifying. Trapped down in the dark with only monsters. Barely surviving. He was surprised he could even talk at all.

"It's still scary." Everything felt wrong and threatening - even his own room felt threatening and their method of prepping him for fixing his arm had not helped (the bedframe would be a guarding wall for a very long time yet). "I feel like I can't relax-" because if he did he would get hurt- "if I do something will happen...!" His arms clutched at his own waist as he fought to keep some level of calm. Not that he was succeeding very well.

Something just between them.

All of those moments they should have had, had it not been for his previous goddess.

Ais seemed a little too stunned to speak, her hands came to a stop, rested at her midsection. Then, finally, she let out a quiet breath as if she'd been holding it in.

He really was alive. It wasn't a cruel joke. Despite the injuries she could already tell he sustained...he was alive. He persevered to see the surface again...

Too emotional for him, at least when it didn't involve him.

Bell's attention quickly refocused back onto Ais, though - her expression of surprise and her relieved phrasing... Had she felt that bad about not being able to personally locate him?

Slowly, he straightened out of his half-hunch, curled oddly around his own stomach region. Ais was a safe person.

...Usually. To him, at least.

"I... think I might've. Been avoiding people." Bell responded, slowly. Quietly. "I told the others. If there was the sound of a crowd, I'd run. If I heard movement, before I knew it was people..." He trailed off, wondering not for the first time how many times that had happened. How many times he'd actively run from his own rescue parties, due to how deeply he'd been in the mindset of survival.

"It's - it's okay. That you... couldn't." He was nervous, Bell realized. He could both feel it, and hear it in his own voice. Quiet tones and oddly-cut sentences. Well that was a habit he had to get rid of as soon as possible. "I'm s... still trying to get used to the city. The noise and the open-ness. It's why I'm. Not. Out there? Much. It's stressful." Less now than it used to be, though.

He remembered cowering in the Adventurers Guild, on the employees side. Huddled up against a corner with a knife in his good hand and plenty of magical power at the ready in the other. Shaking shaking shaking because there were too many people too much noise too many eyes.