Dump Daily

When I start showing symptoms of my disorders or start being passionate about stuff it's suddenly no signal.

Also one of my friends who used to talk to me all the time is suddenly going through experiences that makes him realise that maybe some of his past opinions weren't the best. But I'm realising that he truly is dumber than I ever thought because instead of actually changing his opinion he's just doubling down and resigning to suffering. I think he's gotten dumber in the years we didn't talk.

I think the most fucked up one so far is being envious of ironmouse. Because she has people who care about her.

Also mad because now she's able to walk for longer than me in one go.

She also sings really well too. Which I enjoy. But also envy. My throat got damaged when I was a teen and it's never come right since. I used to love singing but now it hurts so I don't do it.

Too sensitive

Taking everything too personal

Too insensitive

Which is nice

We don't really talk

How am I supposed to make friends when I'm afraid to say anything especially online

And if it's not that it's being tolerated because it's more convenient to do so and then ignored or abandoned entirely.

It's been said that humans need other human interaction to survive. I seriously don't know how I'm alive then.

I hardly ever say shit on reblogs and this is why

Yet the one time I was asking about how to make friends everyone was telling me to interact with stuff? For what? So everyone can tell me I'm thinking wrong?

I want to outlive my grandparents.

And I want to make sure that my step mum will be okay (physically) for the most part.

But I don't know how to live

I don't know how to be human

When I was working no one said anything about it

But when I mentioned it afterwards people thought I was crazy for working so much

"that's not really living"

Just existing

What else is there really

The moments of stability I start processing some of the trauma ass bs