lily

i really do not believe he gets jealous of me because i'm not even close to how he feels about them i just can't believe we are the same like he says because that's just untrue

tbh i'm kinda pissed off at myself for letting this affect me this much when it was something that i knew already

i wanna throw up

stop acting like that when you don't mean it

and it's about to happen all over again

and it's about to happen all over again

not really tho and that's the worst part he doesn't miss me or needed me at all

idk what to do so i guess i'll just take this to my grave or wait until i can't take it anymore because i know myself and i know it'll explode at some point

i wish i could just ask him to watch some sxf or mob psycho and i could go sleep over and forget about this for a little bit

at times like this i miss him more than i hate him

but i do wish i could just comfort him normally and that he would rely on me more... but he already has someone he likes more and is his emotional support in that way so i'll just do what i can which is sex

i think i need a real partner because being like this makes me feel bad tbh but i don't wanna stop talking to him and i don't want him to grow any distant so if all i can do to help him is sex let's do this idk

idk how to deal with that tbh