The Sweetest Things

People can love you and still need to get away from you for a bit. And there is nothing toxic about that — it's good, in fact. It helps remind everyone involved that everyone has boundaries, and everyone needs time to themselves.

It's okay. Calm down before you talk about something that made you angry while your loved one is sick. Be sure of what made you mad so you can discuss it together.

Do they know more Black queers have been born since then? Do they know that people are pretty chill with studs’ masculinity in Black spaces and it’s mostly a casual thing? Do they know that the whole “Black people are homophobic” stereotype is way more complicated and nuanced than they think, and way less accurate than they assume (and also their fault because widespread homophobia is some colonizer bullshit)? 

Do they know intersectionality is an internal experience as well as an external one? Do they know femmes can have short hair and mascs can have long hair without it being gnc because that’s not how Black genders are perceived? Do they know what a gnc Black woman really looks like, or do they just assume all Black women are a little masculine? Do they know visibly queer Black people in the US have to worry about what will happen and how they’ll be perceived when they get pulled over? Do they know my Blackness is a huge part of both my gender and sexuality, and stud was the main term I used for both for a long time? 

Do they know how many Black queers feel excluded from the queer community because white queers don’t care to learn? Do they know how many times we’ve tried to tell them about our cultures and identities just to be ignored? Do they know they’ve stolen almost all of their “gay slang” from Black people and call it ghetto when we do it but cool and trendy when they do it? Do they know we all used butch once, but then they decided Black people couldn’t anymore, then they tried to take stud from us too? Do they care that they have repeatedly tried to gentrify us out of our own language? Do they know not all studs are ok with being grouped in with butches, and some even resent it because butches are always the default and no one talks about studs? 

Do they know anything about us?