Steve is captured by hydra on a mission (around late june). Team search and search for him but his tracker is removed (shocked out of use, violently removed, beat until broken idk you choose) so it’s nearly impossible. The base that has him is a nomad base, meaning they are consistent in moving locations every few days or so, also they are extremely diligent and well-informed on new locations where they are less than likely to be found by SHIELD. // meanwhile, the base is using Steve in order to maybe attempt to create and break in a new winter soldier/ wring Steve of critical, top secret, highly classified SHIELD info via multiple types of torture/ a fuck you to America/ test new ‘exotic serums’ made with extraterrestrial materials collected by previous battles on Earth/ because they’re all psychotic shit heads who are unable to part with the past.// Every time avengers get even a hint of a lead on a [possible] new location, base gets word from advanced intel and moves (inside a mountain, underneath an ocean, Chernobyl, in plain sight, etc.). The nomad base seems unstoppable until shield is finally able to track a pattern in their locations _ a final resort strategy that Bucky is nearly unwilling to wait for because of course he wants to get to Steve as soon as humanly possible, but after about a dozen failed attempts around the globe, he reluctantly agrees to. Yeah, there’s a lot of broken!Bucky here _ (this happens sometime in late July- fun fact: that means Bucky probably spent steve’s birthday either huddled under a desk covering his ears at the sounds of Fourth of July aka Steve’s birthday fireworks, or crying/screaming into an empty floor full of the life they *had* together. Or you know, maybe both). in order to counter the base moving to their next location and continue whatever the fuck they’re doing to steve (because shield doesn’t exactly know, but they can guess especially Bucky and Nat), shield has pull at the two locations they have predicted the base to move next, as well as pull at the one they are currently at in order to corner them. shield successfully counters the base’s next moves, but not without a long-winded battle resulting in the escape of various hydra operatives. Steve is rescued (knock yourself out with this one- he’s been tortured in like ways that Bucky was aka electroshock, beatings, stabbings, unchecked serum administrations for unchecked periods of time, malnourishment, and even a few memory wipes). he’s rescued unconscious and Bucky’s feeling a million things but mostly a) utter, overwhelming relief that his soulmate somehow survived a month of personalized hell in the hands of hydra and b) that he’s a fucking mess who can’t even think about what happened in his past knowing it just happened to Steve without throwing up and breaking down in to a puddle of sobs and tears. Doctors tell Bucky the same thing the told Steve all those years ago when Bucky returned: we don’t know if he’ll be okay. They tell him Steve might not wake up, and if he does it will be a damned miracle if he completely remembers the life he and Bucky have spent years building after their respective pasts screwed any chance of them living in their original time. doctors tell Bucky that steve will hurt mentally and because the seeming advancements of hydra technology to overcome even the strongest serums, that memories will come and go and Bucky just can’t believe it because steve has an eidetic memory and fills - or filled - every hole Bucky couldn’t. Doctors tell him that steve will hurt physically, that his body has suffered multiple lacerations, contusions, countless injuries _ some of which cannot be so easily erased by his serum, which has suffered itself_ and that he will ache for days possibly weeks, that the aftermath of the torture he endured is long-lasting (meaning migraines, nausea/sickness, infections, respiratory/circulatory/immune system complications, etc etc etc). They basically tell Bucky Steve won’t be the same person he was. Doctors don’t need to tell Bucky about the nightmares or the panic attacks or the lack of trust steve will most likely experience, because Bucky was there once too, and he can’t bear to imagine Steve where he was because it was so bleak, so horrid, and seemingly impossible even with your soulmate at your side. Steve eventually wakes up and surprise! the doctors were right. he remembers things in waves, doesn’t want to be touched by any hospital staff or friends or Bucky, passes out frequently, is generally scared shitless when he’s not asleep (and even when he is), experiences hourly nausea/headaches/fatigue/weakness/all that fun stuff, frequently forgets his own name or who Bucky is or where he is, and hates hates HATES sleeping or laying on his back so they strap him down because he needs to heal. Though Instead of lashing out and becoming aggressive, Steve falls quiet. Radio silence and all he does is either let tears roll down his face or stare off to an unknown distance. Through Steve’s first week awake, Bucky tries to be there for Steve like Steve was: no touching unless invited to (didn’t happen within the first week), only speak very little at a time and softly, bring food and water no matter what, and always always be there for him, among other things. Steve is extremely reluctant to Bucky’s help at first (he’s extremely reluctant to Bucky in general. Shield figures it was some twisted form of negative reinforcement involving pictures of Bucky’s face and scattered torture methods), but once Bucky establishes many times that he’s safe, that he and Steve are a couple, and that he can be trusted, Steve allows Bucky to talk to him even if there’s no response, feed him and stroke his arm/face/stomach (though he’s specifically wary of Bucky coming anywhere close to his neck for some reason *cough cough Pavlov*). After a few weeks awake, steve starts to talk again. Short phrases mostly to ask for water or to have his restraints loosened or to have Bucky maybe come back in the room again, but it’s a start. Steve starts to sleep more, like really sleep. Without nightmares sometimes, that is. he gets hungrier, wants more company, and even once asked to have the curtains open so the sunshine could come in a little bit. It was four weeks after Steve woke up that he asked for Bucky to come in the hospital bed (no more restraints at that point). Bucky slowly joined steve, relishing in the closeness he hadn’t gotten in months, waiting for him to make the next move. Steve slowly pulled Bucky in closer to him, then latched onto him, Bucky does the same. They sit like that for a moment until Steve starts to sob - hard. Really hard. He cries and cries into Bucky’s chest where he lays in Bucky’s arms. Bucky just holds him tight and weeps right along. He rubs steve’s back and lightly kisses the top of his head (he’s being careful about his intimacy still). Steve cries until he falls asleep, but Bucky continues to silently let the tears slip after the fact because after all this time steve’s in his arms. He’s not whole but he’s alive. And Bucky knows he can recover from this, Bucky knows it because he once did too, and even if he still is, he knows Steve has it in him. The days pass and steve’s color comes back to his cheeks. Weeks pass and the tips of his mouth start to curve when Bucky shows him an old sketchbook or a picture of them off his phone. His voice grows fuller and he starts to regain memories, even if they’re only of what Bucky’s favorite holiday is or what Sam’s favorite breakfast cereal is or what side of the bed he himself sleeps on. There are relapses, though. Where steve returns to silence, can’t remember what’s going on, or just passes out for hours on end. Bucky nearly has heart attacks, but endures. He nourishes steve, watches calming movies with him, crawls into bed with him and holds him tight when the nights and days are rough. After five weeks, Steve’s back at their home and semi-taking care of himself (with Bucky’s consistent monitoring). The hospital advises Bucky to take a step back and let steve care for himself a bit, and Bucky listens. Steve makes grilled cheese sandwiches for himself though they’re always a bit burned, which doesn’t worry Bucky too much because steve was never the cook of the duo. Steve brushes his teeth and combs his hair and changes outfits without aid. He even sometimes pulls out a sketchbook and draws. Bucky breaks down in tears the first time he sees Steve looking up at him, studying Bucky’s features and returning to his sketchbook to copy Bucky’s face onto paper because that’s what steve used to do. Steve’s goes to Bucky when asleep, and Bucky pulls him in, letting steve breath against his chest. Steve still has nightmares, but after continuous visits to his doctor and the reassurance that Bucky will always be there to wake him up, they start to become less common. Steve goes to paint sometimes, he goes for walks in the park and then runs in the park. He watches Bucky doze off and smiles softly at Bucky’s sleepy murmurs when the alarm goes off in the morning, just like before. Steve starts to become himself again as months pass on, so slowly it’s barely even noticeable. And finally, five months after steve wakes up, Bucky and Steve sleep together. It was slow and languid, the opposite of fast. Steve makes the first move and thumbs at Bucky’s jaw. He slowly pushes Bucky against the doorframe and kisses him, deeply. They go to the bed, clothes become piles on the floor. Afterwards they lie in each other’s arms and breath. Steve looks over at Bucky and, for the first time in half a year, Steve smiles. his chin trembles and the mist in his eyes spill over, but he smiles at Bucky and buries his nose in the crook of Bucky’s neck. Bucky holds him there and rubs his neck, and Steve doesn’t even twitch, not even a little bit. He wraps his arms around Bucky’s torso and kisses his cheek, gravitating as close to Bucky as possible. “I love you, Buck.” Steve’s breathing evens out and he’s under. “Till the end of the line, baby.” Bucky kisses the top of Steve’s head and joins steve in sleep eventually. And that’s when Bucky knows: he finally, finally has his Stevie back. For real this time.
origamiaround
prguitarman
2087
gummygunk
