Interview with Macklemore 9/28/15
Today we sit down with pop music sensation Macklernore, not to be confused with the Macadamia nut, or the Macadamia man, the man who is made of macadamia nuts.
ERIC: Mackelmoar, tell me a little bit about yourself.
MACKLEMORE: In fourth grade I thought I was gay because I kept my room clean. Also I jacked off a bunch of dudes. But I’m not gay though. I am a rapper and rappers are NOT gay. Also in fourth grade I cooked a gerbil in a microwave. I felt so bad I threw the microwave through my neighbor Cindys window.
ERIC: Awesome, interesting stuff. So you’re a rapper, tell me more about that.
MAKYMORT: I started rapping in fourth grade. My stepdad used to whip me with chains in the basement and one day I said I’m going to become a famous rapper because I’m definitely NOT gay. Rapping comes easily to me and I don’t have to write anything down. I can do something for you off the top of my head if you want.
ERIC: Please do, Mankeymort
Mantelmork pulled open a drawer and pulled out a notebook where he clearly writes out his raps. The pages were doodled with massive penises and extremely detailed frogs. Why was he so good at drawing frogs? He began to read from the page.
MACKEL: Yo my name is Macklemore and I like to get paid, I jacked off dudes in middle school but I’m not gay. I am the best rapper alive I love Ryan Lewis, I like to keep my room clean, poop poop and piss.
ERIC: Hell yes.
MACKLE: Hell yes.
At this time, Macklemore was bleeding from his ears for no reason. I didn’t feel comfortable asking why.
ERIC: So what’s next for you?
MACK: I want to invent a new music genre called Macklecore. Also I want to do a track with Justin Bibbler that kid is straight dope. I want Guy Fieri to pound me behind a Red Lobster. And I want to be put in a vacuum seal bag and beaten with sticks by 4 strong men all named Brayden.
ERIC: Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. Thanks for taking this time to speak with me, Mäçkimœr.
MACK: you got it. Now I’m gonna go pop some tags haha. Like the song I made with Ryan Lewis.
Macklemores step dad suddenly entered the room with several large chains so I left in a hurry. Until next time.













