Drunk Whisperer

There's nothing left for him. His daughter. He wasn't her father, either. She loves him. She'll survive. She's young. I don't want you to die. Don't kill him. Let him live. Let him live. Don't kill him.

He was a cook at the restaurant/bar I was a bartender at, and almost punched a costumer once because he overheard him talking about how women belong in the kitchen. Told me he thought women should stay out of kitchens, that cooking is a man's job and when I asked him what he thinks women should be doing, he went quiet for a moment, then proceeded to explain to me the following

"I trust a bitch to run a kitchen as much as she can run a country, they should do shit like plumbing. Or electricity. Something you can just learn to do and don't need to lead, you know?"

- women should obviously be allowed to vote because "it's not fair they could get out of it like that." He got very mad at the idea, as if it was somehow an issue because women wanted to have it easy and be lazy

- he believed watching porn is the same as getting cucked. When asked for further elaboration, he claimed the best way to jerk off is "like a fidget thing when you're doing something else. Like watching football. It's not a big deal."

- i'm like 100% sure he might've been asexual because he was very vocal about not dating or having sex with women 'anymore'. He "tried it a few times and it was just kinda gross and sweaty, people have to lie about how good it is or something". Also said he wasn't gay because men made him feel nothing anyway.

- i've never met a man this angry in my life, he cooked with passion but his passion was out of pure rage. He smoked like a chimney but never in the kitchen. Let us steal snacks and desserts whenever he got angry at our boss.

- i've never learnt his opinions on any racial issues because the moment someone would bring up race he'd go on a rant about how much he hated that our race is called "white" because "beige is also a color" and "he didn't get a tan just to be still called white".

- he had a rescue cat named Tomcat (or my language's word for a male cat) which was a girl when he got it, but he got her sterilized and that meant she wasnt a girl anymore apparently. Also he claimed a girl cat wouldn't want to watch football with him but 'he' does and that clearly just makes 'him' a eunuch, "or whatever that third thing is. Binarless. Whatever. You know."

- he said he lives off of fast food and takeout and beer because he had enough of cooking at work and that the only reason he has pots and pans at home is to cook for Tomcat. he was convinced processed cat food was the reason housecats got cancer.

- i'm pretty sure all he did in life was watch football, go to work, go to the gym, and learnt Ukrainian online, because our other cook was a ukranian woman who would often speak to her friends on the phone in Ukrainian and he was so sure they were talking shit about him. She told me that they indeed were. By the time i worked there he's been learning it for about ten months and they would sometimes got in screaming matches with eachother in a mix of Ukrainian and our language. They hated eachother but when her abusive ex came to us to talk to her he'd yell at him until he left because apparently the guy owed him forty bucks.

- a coworker once complained about a painful period and he chimed in to say that if he were a woman he'd just get pregnant to not have to deal with that. He was very convinced that pregnant women are treated better by society and that if you give a kid up for adoption you get paid for it. When asked about how he'd deal with all the issues pregnancy can give you, he thought for a long moment and say that he doesnt even like beer that much and could probably give it up for that, cause he's not stupid enough to want a period.

recall issued may 1, 2025

if you have one of these, stop using the pressure cooking functions IMMEDIATELY. contact sharkninja for a free replacement lid.

🇺🇸recall link for US🇺🇸 -- 🇨🇦recall link for canada🇨🇦

Name of Product: SharkNinja Foodi OP300 Series Multi-Function Pressure Cookers Hazard: The pressure-cooking lid can be opened during use, causing hot contents to escape, posing a risk of burn injuries to consumers. Remedy: Repair Units: About 1,846,400 (In addition, about 184,240 were sold in Canada)

the problem is with the lid during pressure cooking. the vast majority of units were sold in the US.

This recall involves all Ninja Foodi OP300 Series Multi-Function Pressure Cookers. The cookers have functions that include pressure cooking and air frying. They were sold in black and have a 6.5-quart capacity. “Ninja” is printed on the front of each unit and on the product label. Model numbers OP300, OP301, OP301A, OP302, OP302BRN, OP302HCN, OP302HAQ, OP302HW, OP302HB, OP305, OP305CO and OP350CO are included in this recall and are printed on a label on the side of the cooker. An additional code following the model number is not part of that model designation. For example, a unit labeled “OP301 I07” is a model OP301 unit. Any OP300 series replacement pressure cooker lids purchased as an additional part are also included in this recall.

emphasis mine, to make the model numbers easier to read. all of these models and any previously purchased replacement lids are being recalled.

Consumers should immediately stop using the product’s pressure-cooking function and contact SharkNinja for a free replacement lid. Consumers can continue to use the product’s air frying and other functions. ... SharkNinja has received 106 reports of burn injuries, including more than 50 reports of second- or third-degree burns to the face or body, with 26 lawsuits filed.

TWENTY SIX FUCKING LAWSUITS FILED. TWENTY SIX LAWSUITS BEFORE THEY RECALLED THIS. these types of injuries can kill someone!

sharkninja is shipping out a free replacement lid to everyone who owns one of these. get on that quick, because shipping two million replacement lids seems like it might take some time.

Sold at: Walmart, Costco, Sam’s Club, Amazon and Target stores nationwide, and online at www.Ninjakitchen.com, www.walmart.com, www.costco.com, www.samsclub.com, www.amazon.com and www.target.com from January 2019 through March 2025 for about $200.

these were on sale for 6 years all over the country, online and in stores. I bet a lot of these were given as gifts.

if you know anyone who cooks a lot, or who might reasonably have one of these, reach out to them. with nearly 2 million units recalled, it will be a while before everyone with one of these can be reached.

the non-pressure cooking settings are apparently still safe (says the company that took 26 lawsuits to issue a recall), even before getting a replacement lid. check your relevant recall link for instructions on how to get a free replacement lid.

🇺🇸recall link for US🇺🇸 -- 🇨🇦recall link for canada🇨🇦

Spring time has a similar thing, a literal smell that deeply effects us as the world wakes up. It’s a smell that’s part of petrichor but here it’s much stronger. And that is geosmin. Geosmin is produced by deep algaes and soil bacterias and as the earth “wakes up” after winter it’s a lot more potent because the ground is more open. So even if there hasn’t been rain fall our noses are very attuned to “hello, the dirt is awakening.” It tickles our little cave man brain.

A friend and I were discussing what we're like when we're sick and we decided people usually fall into one of these five 'sick modes': *Everyone is probably multiple of these at different times depending on how sick they are and with what but we think most people have a mode they default to and become more often than the others*

Delicate Consumptive Victorian: you feel tragic and mournful but also beautiful in a sad way, you are in bed, sipping hot tea, others should quietly whisper about how you are too good for this world, too beautiful, too tragic... And bring you more tea

Sick Dog: you are curled up in a ball, you don't want anything, you don't need anything, but it would be nice if others could still ask you if you need anything

Sickly Child Emperor: you are dying and it's everyone else's problem, you need pillows, no! you need soup, no! You need absolute silence or you will not be the first one to die today

Plague Pit: you are curled up probably on the floor, no one touch you, no one look at you, this is between you and God and you already know He has no mercy left for you

(15+15=30

Three

Five

Nine

onE

thrEE

fivE

sEvEn

EVEN NUMBERS: 0, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, ect.

ODD NUMBERS: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, ect.

if it splits into two EVEN groups, then it’s an even number. if it don’t, then it’s an odd number.

example:

5 splits into 2.5 and 2.5, but 2.5 is not an integer so 5 is odd

10 splits into 5 and 5, 5 is an integer so it is even

I can’t imagine it’ll come up again in the next 1,375 days, right?

Times of the Day

It's kind of wild It's just never come up on this blog before, but I HATE holsteins. Bottom 10 cow breeds for me. I hate how they're so common they account for the majority of milk produced. I hate that they're the "default" cow to the point where some don't even know cattle HAVE other colors. I hate their tiny horns (IF THEY EVEN HAVE THAT. LOSER ASS HORNLESS COW) and their painfully massive udders.

Legit I'm trying so hard to not launch into a No Mouth Must Scream style AM speech-- shoot my hand slipped.

(AM speech about why i dont like holsteins below the cut)

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Also why do people make these

Some of these are a misunderstanding or conflating of true facts.  The Da Vinci one goes here.  Many historians do believe that Leonardo da Vinci had a romantic/sexual relationship with his apprentice(s).  And it’s well-established that his apprentices modeled for some of his paintings.  But they did not model for any of his paintings of Jesus - which was the core point of the post that this fact came from, enjoying the irony.  So this isn’t true because it’s a conflation of several true facts into a false but understandable conclusion.

Some of these are just a victim of internet telephone.  The “Persephone’s daughter” and “fake Greek goddess” ones refer to Mespyrian, who was some teenager’s wattpad OC daughter of Persephone and Hades, that someone else on tumblr accidentally mistook as a real figure from Greek mythology.

Some of these come from people making their own conclusions about history, and then turning around and insisting that the experts therefore must be lying to you.  This is where it gets dangerous.  The “archaeologists broke the noses off Egyptian statues to hide the fact that they were African” one goes here.  Many Egyptian statues are missing their noses, so several years ago someone on the internet claimed that it was because archaeologists deliberately broke them off, and this gained a Lot of traction because it felt true and people wanted it to be true.  People overwhelmingly want to believe that they, ordinary citizens of the world with no special training, are actually smarter than the experts.  People love to believe that, so it’s very, very easy for people to decide the experts are stupid and clueless (the “History Hates Lovers” song, the thing about the dodecahedron or the Roman hairstyles or the leather burnishers) while salt-of-the-earth ordinary folk are smarter than those ivory-tower eggheads.  At worst, people decide the experts are maliciously hiding the truth about the world for their own gain (the Lovers of Valdaro one here is an example of this, but you also see this a lot regarding “all ancient cultures were feminist utopias until the Catholic Church invented misogyny and covered up the feminist past” type posts that are extremely popular with TERFs.)  This is the dynamic I’m comparing to anti-vaxxers and flat Earthers, and yes, this kind of anti-intellectualism is dangerous.

Some people are just trolls because they like lying on the internet and riling people up.  This cannot be discounted.  People do do this.  The tiktok woman who doesn’t believe in the Roman Empire and doesn’t believe that Vesuvius erupted is almost certainly a troll who likes the attention her wild false claims get.

It’s a combination of things, but it’s why you shouldn’t assume that historians are all old homophobic clueless idiots and only you, tumblr user persephonesmassivebadonkers or whatever, know the REAL truth.  Because that’s how you get Flat Earthers, but more pressingly, it’s how you get antisemitic conspiracy theories and transphobic radfem proclamations of We Need To Return To The Ancient Feminist Utopia (By Destroying All Trans People)(And, Usually, Abrahamic Religions). 

But also by believing easily-debunked falsehoods it makes genuinely well-meaning people easier to dismiss by bigots as Brainwashed By Those El Gee Bee Tees Who Will Lie Because They Want To Destroy Academia/Biological Sex/The Church.

Brits in the 1800s used to eat Egyptian mummies,

It's complicated. There's definitely a grain of truth to this, but it's not quite what the common narratives suggest. For example, eating mummies was a Medieval thing more than it was a Victorian thing; Victorians did "Scientific" mummy-unwrapping parties, but they didn't then eat them - they were collectible antiquities. For another, the mummies used by Victorians for paint were rarely ancient Egyptian humans. I'll let @thatlittleegyptologist take this one because they've talked about it. A lot. Like a lot. So often.

numerous gay relationships in history were called “friendships” by Christian historians,

It's complicated. Have historians in the past denied that their favorite historical figures could possibly be gay? Absolutely. But people who were romantically and sexually involved with each other in the past very often did call each other "friend." (Or, in ancient Egypt, "brother"). Even husbands and wives would call each other "friend." (it's midnight and I am blanking on how to search for sources that show this but I have transcribed 18th century letters and diaries, I have seen this.) Like, while historical squeamishness and denial of gay relationships has been a thing... the modern assumption that friendship cannot possibly ever include any gay stuff is also not helping. And heteronormatively taking words at face value is somewhere in between. It's sometimes malicious, but you have to give space for simple hetero brain too. And give space for all the queer and queer-affirming historians working in the field. And for people like Oscar Wilde who were arrested for sodomy and the Ancient Greeks who were Ancient Greek so it's hardly like anyone's denying that, even if their interpretation was that it was Bad. It's not cut and dry.

the Vatican is hoarding almost all history ever written and refuses to let anyone access it,

This one isn't actually complicated, it's just a bizarre misunderstanding (generous interpretation) or an Evangelical conspiracy theory (less generous interpretation) of what the Vatican Apostolic Archive, formerly known as the Vatican Secret Archive, is. They're not "hoarding almost all history ever written" (how would that work?). It's an archive of the Church's and the Vatican's records, accounting, correspondence, declarations, decisions, and other various affairs. Over the past several hundred years of dutiful documentary-keeping, that does add up to a lot of history about the development of European politics, culture, and colonization! There are in fact two archives; one which has been accessible to scholars since 1881, and one which is owned unilaterally by the Pope and only extremely rarely opened for any sort of access to outsiders. John Paul II actually made it easier for researchers to access those archives, though "easier" does not mean "easy" and is still very much at the Pope's discretion. However, they are archives pertaining to the Pope's and Church's affairs, not all of human history.

the original biographies of the Sons of Liberty were all works of fiction (like Washington and the apple tree),

True! But also a little complicated. The story about Washington and the cherry tree is complete fiction, and we know who to blame for it: Mason Locke "Parson" Weems, who wrote his famous biography of Washington right after Washington died and the nation was clamoring for tributes to him. He was kind of shameless about writing for the masses things that would sell. But at the same time, it was part of the myth-making of the new nation, part of a very common process at the time of nearly deifying Washington. But it is also true that we do in fact have a lot of letters and diaries written directly by these guys. We don't need to rely on Weems for fanciful stories about them, even if they have entered into the mythology-building of the US as a nation.

Greek and Roman statues were painted but the people who discovered them found it garish so they stripped the paint off,

Have you ever seen what happens to painted stone when left out in the elements over time? The paint chips off. Being exposed to the elements or buried in the dirt for hundreds or thousands of years does a number on the painted exterior of a statue. Here's a Jesuit scholar from 1913 lamenting this: "It is a notorious fact that the remains of colour fade very fast from marbles that are exposed to the light after centuries of burial and concealment. It is the universal experience of classical archaeologists. A French explorer describes some colours vanishing from sarcophagi found at Carthage "comme de la fumée" [like smoke]. Add to this the perfectly intelligible cleaning consequent on first discovery in the earth, and the still more disastrous and less pardonable washings with acid that, until recent years, were the fate of all classical statues. Even still another risk has to be remembered, the taking of casts […] Add these fates together, and say whether their total does not offer an explanation for a prejudiced view." Honestly, as Gisela M. A. Richter (1944) says, "The fact that any color at all remains is really more remarkable than that it has disappeared in the majority of cases." Greek and Roman statues, probably even marble statues, were painted! Yes! But there was probably little paint remaining even when the Renaissance sculptors and art collectors got ahold of them. And while the discoverers deliberately stripping off the paint because they decided it should not have been there is one potential reason (note the reference to acid-washing), and the pure white marble was a very ideologically-loaded Enlightment-era aesthetic highlighting the purity of the form, and 1700s-1800s English archaeologists and antiquarians had vicious debates over whether the marble statues were painted like the fate of their cultural hegemony rested on it, "removing the paint for its garishness" was not even close to the primary reason the colored paint does not remain. These are some resources about the Gods in Color exhibition that did experimental reconstructions of the colors of some statues.

DaVinci invented a tank,

Leonardo da Vinci drew designs for many devices, including a war machine that does resemble a modern tank! It's frequently described (with hedging descriptions) like "has been seen as a prototype of a tank." But there's no evidence that it was ever built, and it's unclear if the wheels and gear system would have worked. Can he be said to have "invented a tank"? I guess it depends on your definition of "invented."

Lancelot is a fanfiction OC,

This is either a flippant or deeply disingenuous way to describe the origins, evolution, and recording of King Arthur mythology, its use in literature and nationalist propaganda, and the way this is different from the way fanfiction interacts with a canon. @chimaerakitten knows much more about this than I do.

and the Catholic Church was founded after numerous other Christian churches and proceeded to burn the holy books that didn’t support their version (like the Gospel of Judas, which establishes that the “betrayal” was Jesus’s plan because how was he supposed to die as planned, and they plotted it together).

Ohhhh boy it's complicated. I am out of energy and by god it is late but there is a reason that books and books and books have been written about the history of Christianity, the early schisms, the creation of the canon, Gnosticism, and the origins of the Catholic Church.

Thank goodness.